2016-03-04
2016-03-03
Reference on facebook of Momir Vujosevic about Mr. Chris Savage as a photographer of pets
Clearly one of the most creative photographers I've met. Is very receptive and do everything with passion just to satisfy your unique needs when it comes to photographs!
2016-03-02
2016-03-01
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: The Water, Wind and Waves
 |
| Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: The Water, Wind and Waves |
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of:
You float on the water.
The wind takes you where you want.
The waves rocking and make your trip comfortable and pleasant to your destination.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2016-02-29
2016-02-26
2016-02-25
We want and how can we best help a friend as we are about to lose, in and because of its extremely large over weight, and obsession problem?
Our friend has in recent years gained a lot of weight.
She has at times tried to lose weight and then occasionally become as manic, and lost a few kilos and then move everything up and more up again. Now it has become even worse. Only the last six months she has gone up another 25 kilos and now weighs about 120 kg and is 167cm tall.
We are two friends who have seen this for a long time. We tried to support and cheer her by taking her on training, or giving her tips on healthy eating options. Sometimes she takes it to himself, but there will be no long-term change.
We notice that she had been very different as a person, she was always happy and energetic earlier. Now she does not have the energy to keep up with us anymore. Previously, she loved to swim. But now she avoids those occasions when she is ashamed of her body. She says she is aware that she weighs too much, and yet she prioritizes everything else before, and as various hobbies (like singing in the choir, members of various associations, etc.).
We feel that we want to sit down with her and talk properly. And tell her that we are worried about her and we want her to understand that she must change her behavior. But we do not know about it only exacerbates the situation or how to proceed.
Please help us, we do not want to lose our friend!
Oliva and Sophia
Hi Oliva and Sophia
It's nice that you care about your friend, but your focus on her overweight is unfortunately a misguided benevolence. I dare say that almost all people who are overweight are also aware that this is the case. And when it comes to your friend, we can be absolutely certain that it is so, because she repeatedly tried to lose weight. In other words, there is no need for you to even talk to her friend about her weight or health. She knows how it is and does not need to be reminded of it.
Probably it is rather in the way that she thinks too much of his body and his weight. Strong overweight / obesity is actually a social stigma in our society, which means that one can be discriminated against in the labor market and poor treatment in health care.
Condescending comments from acquaintances and strangers can be folded behind the back or thrown straight in the face. Critical eyes can view the body from top to bottom, and even view what you have on your plate or in the cart. The level of awareness should therefore be high and many feel both physically and mentally ill. Despite this, there are few who manage to implement permanent lifestyle changes.
Why is it so difficult to lose weight and even more difficult to maintain the lower weight? Yes, it is in any case rarely complete ignorance. There have been many column inches, and there are constant discussions in the media about what is healthy when it comes to food and exercise. The probability is high that the vast majority have been reasonably good track of the lifestyle changes that would need to be done to improve their own health. There is no simple answer to why it is so difficult to move from theory to practice and implement the necessary changes, but there are several factors that can form explanations and that can interact; genes, biology, psychology, and environmental factors.
While there are plenty of signals that convey that being overweight is something negative, so we are constantly surrounded by a variety of enticements. At the same headline crowded dieting tips with promises of good cake and recipes. In the grocery store exposed soft drinks and sweets which we can not miss all the extra offer to buy large packs or multipacks to sensationally good price. Then there is the smell of freshly baked buns seductively winds into our noses in more and more stores. To "bake" in the store is a successful marketing ploy.
Food can be a pure pleasure. Eating can also be calming and provide comfort. For now, that is. In a later stage, that extra portion or the last piece of chocolate we took trigger anxiety and bad conscience. On the whole, food and eating associated with much emotion, and it easily becomes negative spirals of anxiety and comfort eating.
Bad mood can be a contributing factor to obesity and vice versa. Being overweight can also lead to the renunciation of activities and isolate themselves socially. Therefore, I will be happy to read that your friend gives priority to participate in club activities, instead of sitting at home and count calories.
Now for your concern for your friend and what you can do for her. Since there is no miracle cure with research support that you can refer her to, so I think that the best thing you can do is focus on being good friends and completely ignore her weight and eating habits. Suggest activities and select topics completely independent of how much she eats or considering. Otherwise you convey directly or indirectly, that she did not do as she is.
Could it be that you are being asked to help by, for example, avoid exposing your friend to temptation, you shall of course do so. If not, drop the worry and enjoy your friendship.
Best regards to all of your friends.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
She has at times tried to lose weight and then occasionally become as manic, and lost a few kilos and then move everything up and more up again. Now it has become even worse. Only the last six months she has gone up another 25 kilos and now weighs about 120 kg and is 167cm tall.
We are two friends who have seen this for a long time. We tried to support and cheer her by taking her on training, or giving her tips on healthy eating options. Sometimes she takes it to himself, but there will be no long-term change.
We notice that she had been very different as a person, she was always happy and energetic earlier. Now she does not have the energy to keep up with us anymore. Previously, she loved to swim. But now she avoids those occasions when she is ashamed of her body. She says she is aware that she weighs too much, and yet she prioritizes everything else before, and as various hobbies (like singing in the choir, members of various associations, etc.).
We feel that we want to sit down with her and talk properly. And tell her that we are worried about her and we want her to understand that she must change her behavior. But we do not know about it only exacerbates the situation or how to proceed.
Please help us, we do not want to lose our friend!
Oliva and Sophia
Hi Oliva and Sophia
It's nice that you care about your friend, but your focus on her overweight is unfortunately a misguided benevolence. I dare say that almost all people who are overweight are also aware that this is the case. And when it comes to your friend, we can be absolutely certain that it is so, because she repeatedly tried to lose weight. In other words, there is no need for you to even talk to her friend about her weight or health. She knows how it is and does not need to be reminded of it.
Probably it is rather in the way that she thinks too much of his body and his weight. Strong overweight / obesity is actually a social stigma in our society, which means that one can be discriminated against in the labor market and poor treatment in health care.
Condescending comments from acquaintances and strangers can be folded behind the back or thrown straight in the face. Critical eyes can view the body from top to bottom, and even view what you have on your plate or in the cart. The level of awareness should therefore be high and many feel both physically and mentally ill. Despite this, there are few who manage to implement permanent lifestyle changes.
Why is it so difficult to lose weight and even more difficult to maintain the lower weight? Yes, it is in any case rarely complete ignorance. There have been many column inches, and there are constant discussions in the media about what is healthy when it comes to food and exercise. The probability is high that the vast majority have been reasonably good track of the lifestyle changes that would need to be done to improve their own health. There is no simple answer to why it is so difficult to move from theory to practice and implement the necessary changes, but there are several factors that can form explanations and that can interact; genes, biology, psychology, and environmental factors.
While there are plenty of signals that convey that being overweight is something negative, so we are constantly surrounded by a variety of enticements. At the same headline crowded dieting tips with promises of good cake and recipes. In the grocery store exposed soft drinks and sweets which we can not miss all the extra offer to buy large packs or multipacks to sensationally good price. Then there is the smell of freshly baked buns seductively winds into our noses in more and more stores. To "bake" in the store is a successful marketing ploy.
Food can be a pure pleasure. Eating can also be calming and provide comfort. For now, that is. In a later stage, that extra portion or the last piece of chocolate we took trigger anxiety and bad conscience. On the whole, food and eating associated with much emotion, and it easily becomes negative spirals of anxiety and comfort eating.
Bad mood can be a contributing factor to obesity and vice versa. Being overweight can also lead to the renunciation of activities and isolate themselves socially. Therefore, I will be happy to read that your friend gives priority to participate in club activities, instead of sitting at home and count calories.
Now for your concern for your friend and what you can do for her. Since there is no miracle cure with research support that you can refer her to, so I think that the best thing you can do is focus on being good friends and completely ignore her weight and eating habits. Suggest activities and select topics completely independent of how much she eats or considering. Otherwise you convey directly or indirectly, that she did not do as she is.
Could it be that you are being asked to help by, for example, avoid exposing your friend to temptation, you shall of course do so. If not, drop the worry and enjoy your friendship.
Best regards to all of your friends.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-24
2016-02-23
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Life is like traveling
 |
| The world is like a book and those who do not traveling are only reading one page |
Life is like traveling
Life goes up and down
As an aircraft
Life goes forward and backward
As a ferry
Life goes left and right
As a slippery road
Life goes easy and difficult
As a bike ride
Life passes by
As people do on a station
That is why it is so important
That you grab every possible opportunity that will allow you to join us on this wonderful ride, and as long as it will be.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-22
2016-02-19
2016-02-18
Why is my life one big chaos all the time?
Hi.
My question is why is my whole life is one big chaos.
I have no order around me, my house looks like a dump, I have not washed the dishes for a month, I've liabilities of the bailiff, I eat anti-depressive, I'm overweight and have some sort of eating disorder, and I am ashamed of myself. Besides all this, I usually feel good and feel at ease. Can it be possible?
Or have I just resigned myself to being this chaos person I am?
Now I eat medicine, so of course it can do enough good.
I made an inquiry for ADHD after the psychologist that I met, seemed to imagine such moves. I reconciled myself to it and it felt really good, nice to get some answers to questions I wondered.
But it was just that towards the end of the investigation, he says that I probably do not have ADHD. And I fall into a sort of hopelessness, where I continued to blame myself for being worthless person.
What can I do? Some days I do not intend at this. But I carry the heavy weight on my shoulders and I have put in the system to sweep problems under the carpet. I just want to be honest with myself and everyone else.
I'm desperate and need your help now.
Biggan
Hi Biggan
It sounds like you need help - now. It sounds hard to sort out all that you describe on your own and also now try to get to the bottom of what it has been like this.
What is it in you that makes it gone so far? How it has looked back in time and your life? Is this something new, or do you recognize it long ago? If it is unfamiliar and new - what may have triggered this in you? Has something happened that caused you to lose his grip and foothold in your life?
Go back to the psychologist who did the study, explain your difficult situation and ask for help to get back on your feet again.
Unless the psychologist can help you, ask to be referred to the one that can help you. Such as me here, that can offer you konfendtiell and private consultation, so that you can get a good strukur and order in your life again.
Moreover, it appears that you'd need hands-on help and direct practical assistance with the practical at home. Maybe you have a friend who can help you with the physical clutter in your home, to catch up there?
Do not give up until you have acquired, the help you right now so desperately need.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
My question is why is my whole life is one big chaos.
I have no order around me, my house looks like a dump, I have not washed the dishes for a month, I've liabilities of the bailiff, I eat anti-depressive, I'm overweight and have some sort of eating disorder, and I am ashamed of myself. Besides all this, I usually feel good and feel at ease. Can it be possible?
Or have I just resigned myself to being this chaos person I am?
Now I eat medicine, so of course it can do enough good.
I made an inquiry for ADHD after the psychologist that I met, seemed to imagine such moves. I reconciled myself to it and it felt really good, nice to get some answers to questions I wondered.
But it was just that towards the end of the investigation, he says that I probably do not have ADHD. And I fall into a sort of hopelessness, where I continued to blame myself for being worthless person.
What can I do? Some days I do not intend at this. But I carry the heavy weight on my shoulders and I have put in the system to sweep problems under the carpet. I just want to be honest with myself and everyone else.
I'm desperate and need your help now.
Biggan
Hi Biggan
It sounds like you need help - now. It sounds hard to sort out all that you describe on your own and also now try to get to the bottom of what it has been like this.
What is it in you that makes it gone so far? How it has looked back in time and your life? Is this something new, or do you recognize it long ago? If it is unfamiliar and new - what may have triggered this in you? Has something happened that caused you to lose his grip and foothold in your life?
Go back to the psychologist who did the study, explain your difficult situation and ask for help to get back on your feet again.
Unless the psychologist can help you, ask to be referred to the one that can help you. Such as me here, that can offer you konfendtiell and private consultation, so that you can get a good strukur and order in your life again.
Moreover, it appears that you'd need hands-on help and direct practical assistance with the practical at home. Maybe you have a friend who can help you with the physical clutter in your home, to catch up there?
Do not give up until you have acquired, the help you right now so desperately need.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-17
2016-02-16
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: You are who you are, and very loved for it
 |
| Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: You are who you are, and very loved for it |
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of:
You are who you are, and very loved for it
You are exactly who you are.
Had you not been as you are now.
Did you have never not been, and served as the special person you are now.
This makes you very special, and I will love you forever for this.
And I hope that you can love me back, and right on your unique and special way that only you can.
For this you are truly worthy, and for all that you now have given to me.
Sincerely
Your only true friend, and who accepts you as you are.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2016-02-15
2016-02-12
2016-02-11
Are all om my worries and my concerns normal or not?
Hey!
I have often worries and feel worried about different things and can not relax? And I'm still tired, and have a disturbed sleep.
Grateful for answers to what it is, and help on how I can feel better!
Mirjam
Hi Mirjam
Concern now and then is not in itself unhealthy. It is part of how we operate. Under stress, it is normal to be more worried about the big and small things in life.
How do you know if the worry is normal?
- When the unrest is a constant torment speaks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD. Then jump turmoil around the different areas of life. You're worried about everything possible, not just for a single cause, such as health.
Who suffer from GAD?
- More than 5% are hit by abnormal worry, and there are more women than men who are plagued by excessive concern for years and without understanding that it is about GAD. There is a certain heredity. GAD can be triggered or aggravated by the trauma of divorce and death and so on.
What are the symptoms?
- Anxiety in the form of lump in the stomach, chest tightness, dizziness, sleep disturbances and muscle tension are typical symptoms. And catastrophic thoughts like "What if my child dies in traffic?", "What do my work colleagues really know about me?" And "How should I handle the economy" has often been difficult to make decisions.
Why are you?
- Often you worry about things that other people think are petty, perhaps to keep it really unpleasant gone. With the picture is almost always a depression. Perhaps you fear for what life has become and can not to think about it, focusing instead on concerns about concrete things that are closer in time.
- Concerns can also serve as a way to try to control events. For example: A person who constantly worry that their child will die might instead think "what if she crashes!" And calling and checking all the time. If all goes well think GAD patient "as the turmoil has probably worked anyway."
What is the cure for GAD?
- The studies have shown that therapy is enough for some. Others are good only of antidepressant medication, and some feel best combination. CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, is to find hidden patterns of thinking and getting the brain to think in other courses. By becoming aware and change their negative thought patterns can be good, or at least better.
Can you get completely free from worry?
- Some might be realizing that they can never get rid of worries completely. Then you have to learn to accept it and understand that anxiety is not dangerous. You get the tools to manage the turmoil and anxiety and learn to cope with disaster thoughts. With the help and training they go to keep in check. One technique is micro-breaks, where you stop, take a deep breath, think "relax" and then go on with what you were doing.
I hope it was a response to, and to your concerns and your worries, and you are always welcome to contact me to get private invidual help for your anxiety.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
I have often worries and feel worried about different things and can not relax? And I'm still tired, and have a disturbed sleep.
Grateful for answers to what it is, and help on how I can feel better!
Mirjam
Hi Mirjam
Concern now and then is not in itself unhealthy. It is part of how we operate. Under stress, it is normal to be more worried about the big and small things in life.
How do you know if the worry is normal?
- When the unrest is a constant torment speaks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD. Then jump turmoil around the different areas of life. You're worried about everything possible, not just for a single cause, such as health.
Who suffer from GAD?
- More than 5% are hit by abnormal worry, and there are more women than men who are plagued by excessive concern for years and without understanding that it is about GAD. There is a certain heredity. GAD can be triggered or aggravated by the trauma of divorce and death and so on.
What are the symptoms?
- Anxiety in the form of lump in the stomach, chest tightness, dizziness, sleep disturbances and muscle tension are typical symptoms. And catastrophic thoughts like "What if my child dies in traffic?", "What do my work colleagues really know about me?" And "How should I handle the economy" has often been difficult to make decisions.
Why are you?
- Often you worry about things that other people think are petty, perhaps to keep it really unpleasant gone. With the picture is almost always a depression. Perhaps you fear for what life has become and can not to think about it, focusing instead on concerns about concrete things that are closer in time.
- Concerns can also serve as a way to try to control events. For example: A person who constantly worry that their child will die might instead think "what if she crashes!" And calling and checking all the time. If all goes well think GAD patient "as the turmoil has probably worked anyway."
What is the cure for GAD?
- The studies have shown that therapy is enough for some. Others are good only of antidepressant medication, and some feel best combination. CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, is to find hidden patterns of thinking and getting the brain to think in other courses. By becoming aware and change their negative thought patterns can be good, or at least better.
Can you get completely free from worry?
- Some might be realizing that they can never get rid of worries completely. Then you have to learn to accept it and understand that anxiety is not dangerous. You get the tools to manage the turmoil and anxiety and learn to cope with disaster thoughts. With the help and training they go to keep in check. One technique is micro-breaks, where you stop, take a deep breath, think "relax" and then go on with what you were doing.
I hope it was a response to, and to your concerns and your worries, and you are always welcome to contact me to get private invidual help for your anxiety.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-10
2016-02-09
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Shop til you drop
 |
| Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Shop til you drop |
Shop til you drop
People, people and people around and everywhere.
Run, run and run around and everywhere.
Talking, talking and talking around and everywhere.
Stress, stress and stress around and everywhere.
Shop, shop and shop around and everywhere.
But none of these people reflect, or even thinking about what they do and are doing.
And even if something of what they do is at all sensible, or even is important that they are doing and doing and all around and everywhere.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2016-02-08
2016-02-05
2016-02-04
My adult son feel bad and do not seek help, and what should and can I do about it?
My son is 26, has permanent employment, independent living and car.
A few years ago he was accused of a crime but acquitted. He underwent a separation of a year ago, which he initiated. I think he has feelings of guilt and that he has not worked any of these incidents.
He often says that he feels lonely. He has friends and family but no actual interests or activities outside of work.
He turns to me with great confidence, which basically I'm happy and thankful for.
Since last summer, his recurrent felt bad, had trouble sleeping and has what I would call obsessions. The thoughts about different things, and right now he is unhappy in love.
Now and then calling or texting him to me, for example, when I'm at work and says he feels bad. That he did not do more. I get very stressed and feel I need to set boundaries. I have told how I experience it, and then he asks for forgiveness, takes on guilt and says he is useless. What I try to guide him and give support so he dismisses it all, "it's no use."
Help me, how can I help my son? He does not want to go to a psychologist.
Zusanna
Hi Zusanna
I can not assess the severity of the events that your son has been through is for him, it only just himself. I will say, however, what I spontaneously think, is that some setbacks we all have in life. Separations, for example, is the majority of young people through several pieces without for the sake of completely giving up on life. There also seems to be a lot of things in your son's life that works well. Yes even better than most, because it's not every 26-year-olds who have both a fixed job and own housing and car.
What I mean by this is that I in him sense a vulnerability to life's challenges suggests that it might not just outside circumstances that makes him feel so bad? We humans are the fact of the plane; some just gets up and "Brush off the dust" from completely overwhelming difficult situations, while others become overwhelmed by something that another would hardly have perceived as a violation or failure.
You also take up your son suffers from a lot of obsessions. Just obsessions, and other anxiety symptoms, though often triggered by an external event, but it needs definitely a genetic disposition for developing a more severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. This may be worthwhile to have in your mind when you think about what kind of treatment your son would need. It is for instance not likely to get rid of severe obsessions solely by talking through and process their separation or other life circumstances. They require specific treatment for the compulsion.
Now's your problem might not primarily what treatment your son need, he refuses himself to accept help. Besides your help then. And there seems to have been a little destructive patterns between you. You write that you are glad to have his trust and that he is so open to you, and of course that is something that all parents would appreciate. But I still get the impression that this openness is something your son does not give you completely "free", if I may allow myself to apply financial terms of relationship pattern. Transparency you get for the price of that you must always be there for him, because it's only you will do as interlocutors.
The fact that a conversation does not seem to have led to any lasting improvement, you would actually be able to say that your call also performs the function that your son will not have to seek real help for their problems. That is to say that he can continue to dedicate themselves to dwell on and complain (and receive comfort and understanding in exchange) instead of to make changes, such as quitting to complain. It is namely so that ältande calls have no curative effect, but rather helps to consolidate depressive feelings.
Another thing you bring up is the oscillation between guilt and rejection that your son practice. Once you sometimes do not do more, or simply need to do your job, so the result is that he "takes on debt" and explains itself useless. It may superficially sound humble, but're actually just a nice euphemism for you to hurt him by rejecting him. Through its circumlocutions so he's signaling that it is you who thinks he's so useless, so you are not willing to take the time for him. He himself, however, may reject you, when you come with adequate proposed solutions to his problems. But even there, done it implicitly, when his rejections urgently presented as a kind of "symptoms", ie in terms of apathy and boredom.
This you can continue for long. Because the person who places the responsibility for his life outside himself; the individual events, on you, or on its own "failure". And with you that oscillate between trying to set up what he asks you, even though you realize that it does not lead anywhere, and between trying to assert your right to your own life. So in my opinion, you have absolutely right that you have to start setting boundaries - both for your own sake and for his sake - for none of you is feeling better these destructive relationship patterns.
Consider carefully what you can imagine; when you are available for phone calls, how long they will be and what you're willing to talk to him about and what recommendations you should stick to. Stay up then to these rules. That last one is crucial, because every deviation you make from your rules will lead to that you are back to square one again, and you must start over restoring your limits.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
A few years ago he was accused of a crime but acquitted. He underwent a separation of a year ago, which he initiated. I think he has feelings of guilt and that he has not worked any of these incidents.
He often says that he feels lonely. He has friends and family but no actual interests or activities outside of work.
He turns to me with great confidence, which basically I'm happy and thankful for.
Since last summer, his recurrent felt bad, had trouble sleeping and has what I would call obsessions. The thoughts about different things, and right now he is unhappy in love.
Now and then calling or texting him to me, for example, when I'm at work and says he feels bad. That he did not do more. I get very stressed and feel I need to set boundaries. I have told how I experience it, and then he asks for forgiveness, takes on guilt and says he is useless. What I try to guide him and give support so he dismisses it all, "it's no use."
Help me, how can I help my son? He does not want to go to a psychologist.
Zusanna
Hi Zusanna
I can not assess the severity of the events that your son has been through is for him, it only just himself. I will say, however, what I spontaneously think, is that some setbacks we all have in life. Separations, for example, is the majority of young people through several pieces without for the sake of completely giving up on life. There also seems to be a lot of things in your son's life that works well. Yes even better than most, because it's not every 26-year-olds who have both a fixed job and own housing and car.
What I mean by this is that I in him sense a vulnerability to life's challenges suggests that it might not just outside circumstances that makes him feel so bad? We humans are the fact of the plane; some just gets up and "Brush off the dust" from completely overwhelming difficult situations, while others become overwhelmed by something that another would hardly have perceived as a violation or failure.
You also take up your son suffers from a lot of obsessions. Just obsessions, and other anxiety symptoms, though often triggered by an external event, but it needs definitely a genetic disposition for developing a more severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. This may be worthwhile to have in your mind when you think about what kind of treatment your son would need. It is for instance not likely to get rid of severe obsessions solely by talking through and process their separation or other life circumstances. They require specific treatment for the compulsion.
Now's your problem might not primarily what treatment your son need, he refuses himself to accept help. Besides your help then. And there seems to have been a little destructive patterns between you. You write that you are glad to have his trust and that he is so open to you, and of course that is something that all parents would appreciate. But I still get the impression that this openness is something your son does not give you completely "free", if I may allow myself to apply financial terms of relationship pattern. Transparency you get for the price of that you must always be there for him, because it's only you will do as interlocutors.
The fact that a conversation does not seem to have led to any lasting improvement, you would actually be able to say that your call also performs the function that your son will not have to seek real help for their problems. That is to say that he can continue to dedicate themselves to dwell on and complain (and receive comfort and understanding in exchange) instead of to make changes, such as quitting to complain. It is namely so that ältande calls have no curative effect, but rather helps to consolidate depressive feelings.
Another thing you bring up is the oscillation between guilt and rejection that your son practice. Once you sometimes do not do more, or simply need to do your job, so the result is that he "takes on debt" and explains itself useless. It may superficially sound humble, but're actually just a nice euphemism for you to hurt him by rejecting him. Through its circumlocutions so he's signaling that it is you who thinks he's so useless, so you are not willing to take the time for him. He himself, however, may reject you, when you come with adequate proposed solutions to his problems. But even there, done it implicitly, when his rejections urgently presented as a kind of "symptoms", ie in terms of apathy and boredom.
This you can continue for long. Because the person who places the responsibility for his life outside himself; the individual events, on you, or on its own "failure". And with you that oscillate between trying to set up what he asks you, even though you realize that it does not lead anywhere, and between trying to assert your right to your own life. So in my opinion, you have absolutely right that you have to start setting boundaries - both for your own sake and for his sake - for none of you is feeling better these destructive relationship patterns.
Consider carefully what you can imagine; when you are available for phone calls, how long they will be and what you're willing to talk to him about and what recommendations you should stick to. Stay up then to these rules. That last one is crucial, because every deviation you make from your rules will lead to that you are back to square one again, and you must start over restoring your limits.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-03
2016-02-02
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Shades of gray
 |
| Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Shades of gray |
Shades of gray
High and Low
Long and Short
Up and Down
Here and There
For and Against
Happy and Sad
Kind and Shitty
Hot and Cold
Love and Hate
Pros and Cons
Good and Bad
Life is not completely Black or White. For a life consistens always and only of differentShades of gray in the end.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-02-01
2016-01-29
2016-01-28
How should I help my friend who feel so bad?
Hello Mr. life coach and therapist
Have a friend who feels awful. Do not really know what to say or do to help her. Know that she is very sensitive and takes very offended easily. Big and small things.
She has lost contact with several of her friends, she feels hurt and disappointed because it feels like they always think that it is she who does / says wrong. Sometimes feel out among his childhood friends she had known all her life, and it extremely painful. A friend has completely stopped talking to her, the reason is quite unclear and it was still a good friend that she shared several memories.
She has quite large mood swings, irritability, and can lie and cry often, sometimes for something that happened but sometimes she does not even know why. She says she often has anxiety and not be bothered to do anything. She says she hates herself. Are often tired and sad that it does not feel as if someone understands her, sometimes not even she herself.
She does not like where she lives. Her self-esteem / self-confidence is at zero, and she did not feel comfortable with her appearance, she says she is fat even though she is not, she often compares himself with others. Even though I told her she should not do it. She is fine and good as she is. But often, I guess it is in itself, it might not matter remained what others say. She does not like to feel so weak, she wishes she could resist and feel strong any time. There are even more that are not fit to write here.
Many thanks for your response and your help
Erina
Hi Erina
Your friend feel bad and there seems to be a condition that is more protracted and deeper than being depressed and anxious and then. Any diagnosis of your friend's problem is not possible to provide based on your brief letter, and it is not what I can offer here.
Perhaps the best way for you to help your buddy may be that you make her aware that we all feel bad sometimes. That feeling is that it will be so for life while it is help to feel better. So she has now, she should not have to have it. There is help available. You are a wise and compassionate friend who is troubling you and want to help her.
A first step on the road to your buddy may be that she sees a doctor or a psychologist at the medical center she belongs to an investigative and expository conversations about what is going on.
The low self-esteem as you look at your mate can make you feel that others do not want a well, or think of one, and may lead to think that others speak ill of one. You write that your friend even among childhood friends as she had known all her life "feel out", and that her friends seem to think that what she "says and does is wrong." When you feel bad, you can become overly critical both to himself and others.
You also tell us about your friend's mood swings. She easily gets irritated, and that friends have shirked her. I understand what you write that it is something new, and not as it has been before. An odd mood of this kind is often a problem in relation to family and friends. Especially if the environment does not understand that the person is not feeling well. It could be understood that it has become awkward and aloof. It can then easily lead to conflicts in the family, or friends withdraw. Disappointed and angry. The dilemma is that when you feel bad you do not feel cope with such incidents, and perhaps do not understand what is happening. It is difficult to solve problems. Both energy and thinking are often significantly reduced.
I want to emphasize that there can be many reasons for it as your friend feel as awkward and as obstacles to her. Then propose to her, of course, fully respecting that it is she who decides how it will be, to meet with a school counselor, doctor or psychologist to talk about what she is experiencing. The first step may be to contact the health center she belongs. Primary care staff have great experience to meet and help people with various psychological disorders. Or you can give the council to your friend, that she contact me for individual private consultation and advice here.
What you might do more for your friend? In addition to encouraging a seek care. We know from studies that people who have problems with anxiety feel better if it is physically active, and despite its spontaneous resistance still do things that previously enjoyed. It is called in psychology for behavioral activation, and for many who try it it is surprisingly helpful. So another way to also help your friend may be to encourage the take walks together, maybe jogging if it fits in, and with a friendly insistence offer her to do what you do normally amuses her. Activation in this way two or three times a week is often enough to atmospheric situation will be improved step by step.
If you hear your friend's expressing a death wish or thoughts about suicide, you propose her to contact Suicide Enlightenment, a chat line, where they can receive support and guidance.
It is a privilege to be your friend trusts you while it can be difficult for you to bear her suffering on your shoulders. Think know if there would be an option for you to talk to her family or adult in your vicinity so that they can help her. I know it's not always so easy to talk to an adult. One can feel that betrays his friend. While it may be a necessary step. You can also for themselves to hear from you with any other organization for support and assistance.
You seem to me a very nice and empathetic person, and that I would say to you is that you should also take care of yourself.
Hugs to you both and hope this helps, and it gets better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
Have a friend who feels awful. Do not really know what to say or do to help her. Know that she is very sensitive and takes very offended easily. Big and small things.
She has lost contact with several of her friends, she feels hurt and disappointed because it feels like they always think that it is she who does / says wrong. Sometimes feel out among his childhood friends she had known all her life, and it extremely painful. A friend has completely stopped talking to her, the reason is quite unclear and it was still a good friend that she shared several memories.
She has quite large mood swings, irritability, and can lie and cry often, sometimes for something that happened but sometimes she does not even know why. She says she often has anxiety and not be bothered to do anything. She says she hates herself. Are often tired and sad that it does not feel as if someone understands her, sometimes not even she herself.
She does not like where she lives. Her self-esteem / self-confidence is at zero, and she did not feel comfortable with her appearance, she says she is fat even though she is not, she often compares himself with others. Even though I told her she should not do it. She is fine and good as she is. But often, I guess it is in itself, it might not matter remained what others say. She does not like to feel so weak, she wishes she could resist and feel strong any time. There are even more that are not fit to write here.
Many thanks for your response and your help
Erina
Hi Erina
Your friend feel bad and there seems to be a condition that is more protracted and deeper than being depressed and anxious and then. Any diagnosis of your friend's problem is not possible to provide based on your brief letter, and it is not what I can offer here.
Perhaps the best way for you to help your buddy may be that you make her aware that we all feel bad sometimes. That feeling is that it will be so for life while it is help to feel better. So she has now, she should not have to have it. There is help available. You are a wise and compassionate friend who is troubling you and want to help her.
A first step on the road to your buddy may be that she sees a doctor or a psychologist at the medical center she belongs to an investigative and expository conversations about what is going on.
The low self-esteem as you look at your mate can make you feel that others do not want a well, or think of one, and may lead to think that others speak ill of one. You write that your friend even among childhood friends as she had known all her life "feel out", and that her friends seem to think that what she "says and does is wrong." When you feel bad, you can become overly critical both to himself and others.
You also tell us about your friend's mood swings. She easily gets irritated, and that friends have shirked her. I understand what you write that it is something new, and not as it has been before. An odd mood of this kind is often a problem in relation to family and friends. Especially if the environment does not understand that the person is not feeling well. It could be understood that it has become awkward and aloof. It can then easily lead to conflicts in the family, or friends withdraw. Disappointed and angry. The dilemma is that when you feel bad you do not feel cope with such incidents, and perhaps do not understand what is happening. It is difficult to solve problems. Both energy and thinking are often significantly reduced.
I want to emphasize that there can be many reasons for it as your friend feel as awkward and as obstacles to her. Then propose to her, of course, fully respecting that it is she who decides how it will be, to meet with a school counselor, doctor or psychologist to talk about what she is experiencing. The first step may be to contact the health center she belongs. Primary care staff have great experience to meet and help people with various psychological disorders. Or you can give the council to your friend, that she contact me for individual private consultation and advice here.
What you might do more for your friend? In addition to encouraging a seek care. We know from studies that people who have problems with anxiety feel better if it is physically active, and despite its spontaneous resistance still do things that previously enjoyed. It is called in psychology for behavioral activation, and for many who try it it is surprisingly helpful. So another way to also help your friend may be to encourage the take walks together, maybe jogging if it fits in, and with a friendly insistence offer her to do what you do normally amuses her. Activation in this way two or three times a week is often enough to atmospheric situation will be improved step by step.
If you hear your friend's expressing a death wish or thoughts about suicide, you propose her to contact Suicide Enlightenment, a chat line, where they can receive support and guidance.
It is a privilege to be your friend trusts you while it can be difficult for you to bear her suffering on your shoulders. Think know if there would be an option for you to talk to her family or adult in your vicinity so that they can help her. I know it's not always so easy to talk to an adult. One can feel that betrays his friend. While it may be a necessary step. You can also for themselves to hear from you with any other organization for support and assistance.
You seem to me a very nice and empathetic person, and that I would say to you is that you should also take care of yourself.
Hugs to you both and hope this helps, and it gets better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-01-27
2016-01-26
Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Right or Left?
 |
| Lyrics, poetry, poem and verse of: Right or Left? |
Right or Left?
How will I know which is right and left?
How will I know which way it is?
How will I know which way I should go?
It is best to go straight ahead, across the rest of my life.
Otherwise, my life will start going backwards instead.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-01-25
2016-01-22
2016-01-21
How do I as an adult child in the family, to get my parents to realize their own good?
Hello
I study now and no longer live at home, I have a younger brother and our parents are still married.
Both my brother and I have always had a better relationship with our mother, she is more open and easier to talk to than our father. However, I believe that none of us doubt that he loves us as much, he shows it's just not the same.
Now that I no longer live at home, and my parents have grown older, I think I can see more and more cracks between them than I have ever done and this makes me incredibly sad. Dad is 70 years old and retired some time ago and my mother 10 years younger, she is well inside final years on the job. I do not think they really understood that they actually are getting older with the years.
Both mom and dad are home-loving and has spent a lot of time to renovate and fix the house and garden. They also are traveling and do some things together and often seem to be happy together. But the moments in between, I think I see, more and more, becoming longer.
Mother is the energetic of them and would like to see things happen quickly, but since the father is retired and at home will be the father she put the information on. Dad has always had their own will, even more now than in recent times, and do things at their own pace and with their priorities. This interferes with mom a lot, and she can stand and almost cursing and screaming at my father, who in turn closes again and becomes silent, as he always has been.
My father is not a person who easily gets upset or discuss things. Our family is no family that discusses things, Mom control and planning, for it is no one who has set himself up against her. Is there anything to say about my father, so it is that he's incredibly kind, for good and for evil. No one really knows what Dad is doing at home all day. Take for example the cleaning. Mum thinks that because the father is at home, he would be able to clean occasionally. But often it happens like nothing and it sometimes ends with the mother gets angry and grabs it in his day, when instead they could be out on the town, or get involved together in the garden.
Dad has a couple of times to say that now that he is retired. He phase do what he wants, and does not want to budge from that. He loves to cook, and do not hesitate to use very fatty products. It did not concern us as much as if he had spent more calories than what he ingests. He does not, Dad's condition is lousy. He has a gym membership that he never uses, and he is struggling to keep pace with us if we are out walking. He gets out of breath from walking the stairs at home. Yes, he almost always sounds as if he has a strained breathing. He goes to the controls on the Sofia-home and they said that his numbers looked good, but that fitness could be better.
The rest of the family are worried about Dad, but any attempt to talk to him met with deaf ears. It plays like no matter if we take up the whole family when we were sitting and eating dinner or if one of us tries to talk to him, the two of you, he makes it feel like it's not our problem and that we have not something to do with it. He simply do not want to talk about it.
This has been mother to realize she might not be able to do all the things she has been looking forward to with Dad when she becomes a pensioner. She has expressed desires to go out and backpacking with my dad, but I do not think he will cope with it in its present condition.
His unwillingness to change has led her to reconnect with old friends, which I am happy.
I want horrible well try to do something for them, but I do not know which end to start. How will anyone be able to sit down and get my father to talk about how he thinks about the future, as he seems to do everything to avoid it?
He has never really opened up, and I feel sorry for him, but do not know how I'm going to approach him but to make him feel uncomfortable or cornered. How do we get him to realize that we are worried for him and do not want to rubbish him?
I am will be grateful for your answer
Andy
Hi Andy
Thank you for your letter, you have over the years started to understand more and more about how it works between your parents. Surely you felt it even before, but it is now starting to be able to articulate go up to yourself what it is.
As an adult has you a different capacity to read and understand. Perhaps also the fact that you no longer live at home, and that is has received a certain distance. This has made it possible for you to see how it is.
You seem worried and distressed. I can understand that you are there. However, the fact is that there is very little you can do to influence to a changing direction. Your father has the right to choose how he wants to live. Sure, you might think that exercise is good for everyone - and that's it! - But you still can not get your dad to exercise however much you want. If he will not, he must not.
He is also right that he can decide for himself what he will do in his retirement. How your parents distributes work at home with shopping and cooking, cleaning and gardening concerns only them.
Your dad does not want to talk to you about these things, you mean. Maybe he feels the pressure and push him to do and be in a certain way that he does not want? Perhaps he himself, in different ways, concerned about their future.
Your parents must have the right to their own lives. Your dad wants to slow down and take it easy. Your mother is full of adventure and energy. So it is and there is not anything you can do about it. Possibly play the age difference now in a different way than before.
Let them have what they want both of you! Encourage them to live as they want.
Maybe your mom needs support and encouragement to do what she wants on their own or with friends. Maybe your dad relieved to get your support in getting to have it as he thinks feels good. There is only one way - to let people have the life that they feel they want - no matter what others think.
Difference makes it of course if there are adults living in a way that harms children living at home, but it's not for you. Let go and all responsibility regarding your parents' lives and focus instead on finding the life that you think feels good and right for you.
That is what we get the best feelings of in the end.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
I study now and no longer live at home, I have a younger brother and our parents are still married.
Both my brother and I have always had a better relationship with our mother, she is more open and easier to talk to than our father. However, I believe that none of us doubt that he loves us as much, he shows it's just not the same.
Now that I no longer live at home, and my parents have grown older, I think I can see more and more cracks between them than I have ever done and this makes me incredibly sad. Dad is 70 years old and retired some time ago and my mother 10 years younger, she is well inside final years on the job. I do not think they really understood that they actually are getting older with the years.
Both mom and dad are home-loving and has spent a lot of time to renovate and fix the house and garden. They also are traveling and do some things together and often seem to be happy together. But the moments in between, I think I see, more and more, becoming longer.
Mother is the energetic of them and would like to see things happen quickly, but since the father is retired and at home will be the father she put the information on. Dad has always had their own will, even more now than in recent times, and do things at their own pace and with their priorities. This interferes with mom a lot, and she can stand and almost cursing and screaming at my father, who in turn closes again and becomes silent, as he always has been.
My father is not a person who easily gets upset or discuss things. Our family is no family that discusses things, Mom control and planning, for it is no one who has set himself up against her. Is there anything to say about my father, so it is that he's incredibly kind, for good and for evil. No one really knows what Dad is doing at home all day. Take for example the cleaning. Mum thinks that because the father is at home, he would be able to clean occasionally. But often it happens like nothing and it sometimes ends with the mother gets angry and grabs it in his day, when instead they could be out on the town, or get involved together in the garden.
Dad has a couple of times to say that now that he is retired. He phase do what he wants, and does not want to budge from that. He loves to cook, and do not hesitate to use very fatty products. It did not concern us as much as if he had spent more calories than what he ingests. He does not, Dad's condition is lousy. He has a gym membership that he never uses, and he is struggling to keep pace with us if we are out walking. He gets out of breath from walking the stairs at home. Yes, he almost always sounds as if he has a strained breathing. He goes to the controls on the Sofia-home and they said that his numbers looked good, but that fitness could be better.
The rest of the family are worried about Dad, but any attempt to talk to him met with deaf ears. It plays like no matter if we take up the whole family when we were sitting and eating dinner or if one of us tries to talk to him, the two of you, he makes it feel like it's not our problem and that we have not something to do with it. He simply do not want to talk about it.
This has been mother to realize she might not be able to do all the things she has been looking forward to with Dad when she becomes a pensioner. She has expressed desires to go out and backpacking with my dad, but I do not think he will cope with it in its present condition.
His unwillingness to change has led her to reconnect with old friends, which I am happy.
I want horrible well try to do something for them, but I do not know which end to start. How will anyone be able to sit down and get my father to talk about how he thinks about the future, as he seems to do everything to avoid it?
He has never really opened up, and I feel sorry for him, but do not know how I'm going to approach him but to make him feel uncomfortable or cornered. How do we get him to realize that we are worried for him and do not want to rubbish him?
I am will be grateful for your answer
Andy
Hi Andy
Thank you for your letter, you have over the years started to understand more and more about how it works between your parents. Surely you felt it even before, but it is now starting to be able to articulate go up to yourself what it is.
As an adult has you a different capacity to read and understand. Perhaps also the fact that you no longer live at home, and that is has received a certain distance. This has made it possible for you to see how it is.
You seem worried and distressed. I can understand that you are there. However, the fact is that there is very little you can do to influence to a changing direction. Your father has the right to choose how he wants to live. Sure, you might think that exercise is good for everyone - and that's it! - But you still can not get your dad to exercise however much you want. If he will not, he must not.
He is also right that he can decide for himself what he will do in his retirement. How your parents distributes work at home with shopping and cooking, cleaning and gardening concerns only them.
Your dad does not want to talk to you about these things, you mean. Maybe he feels the pressure and push him to do and be in a certain way that he does not want? Perhaps he himself, in different ways, concerned about their future.
Your parents must have the right to their own lives. Your dad wants to slow down and take it easy. Your mother is full of adventure and energy. So it is and there is not anything you can do about it. Possibly play the age difference now in a different way than before.
Let them have what they want both of you! Encourage them to live as they want.
Maybe your mom needs support and encouragement to do what she wants on their own or with friends. Maybe your dad relieved to get your support in getting to have it as he thinks feels good. There is only one way - to let people have the life that they feel they want - no matter what others think.
Difference makes it of course if there are adults living in a way that harms children living at home, but it's not for you. Let go and all responsibility regarding your parents' lives and focus instead on finding the life that you think feels good and right for you.
That is what we get the best feelings of in the end.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2016-01-20
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)