Do you know what this feeling i have of loneliness I can depend on Mr. life coach

Hello Mr. life coach

I feel very lonely sometimes, even though I have very many friends.

Do you know what this feeling of loneliness can depend on?

With friendly greetings

Olga


Hey Olga

It is not unusual that we can feel the loneliness that we actually have friends.

Kajsa says she can often feel misunderstood by his friends.

- People often tend to take me as a happy little shit. I am the one who is expected to laugh and take life a breeze. Personally, I feel like a serious person who may indeed be close to laughter, but that definitely stands with both feet on the ground.

It can be a pain when I feel a little depressed, "but come Kajsa, you who usually makes all warm and happy", people say.

I also read a lot of books and I'm interested in developing country issues. It seems surprising part, as if I would be terminally stupid or something! I think it's because most people see me as a sociable person. They do not think that I have a very great need to just sit alone and read, she says.

Loneliness Feelings can thus involve you no longer feel comfortable with the role you have been in friendly relations.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Why are so many people alone and feel lonely today I wonder?

Hello life coach

I have a question that you probably can answer.

Why are so many people alone and feel lonely today?

Thank you for your response to my question in advance!

Sincerely

Dolly


Hi Dolly

"New solitude" call it sometimes, when in the media and debate forums to discuss how socially passive technological progress has made us.

We Facebooking, tweeting, emailing and texting instead of meeting face to face.

We content ourselves with friendship served to display call dinnerware, perhaps because we think it's either this, or not to be "seen" at all?

The explanation for our so-called nyensamhet is that we are moving more than ever.

Women on average are expected to make it twelve times in their lifetime, according to statistics from Statistics Sweden. An average man has time because of their shorter life "only" eleven.

When our friends move

But even that which is his hometown faithful life can experience the social life suddenly go from summer to autumn, when the friends move or grow out of one the other way.

Christian explains that after ten years in Stockholm moved back to his hometown and thought that the friends would probably not be a big deal. He had been so easy to make friends before. He was not an oddball. Additionally lived there surely remain friends from the past ...

But it would appear that the vast majority had moved away from their home, just like him, and at first he tried therefore to keep alive the friendships he had made in Stockholm.

- But they disintegrated in just a few months when not that natural touch was there anymore. It's really scary so fast it went, he says.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Do you feel alone? Here are 4 reasons to loneliness, and 5 strategies against loneliness for you

Hi coach

I feel so lonely.

I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.

I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.

Richard


Hi Richard

Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.

What exactly is loneliness?

Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.

Social loneliness

Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.

Emotional loneliness

Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.

The causes of loneliness

Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:

1. Deficiencies in relationships

Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).

2. Change in the relationships

Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.

3. You see yourself as a single person

If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".

4. Lack of social skills

Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.

Strategies to deal with loneliness

Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:

1. Make a rational analysis

Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).

2. Stop blame personal characteristics

Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.

3. Make positive to other people

You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.

4. Re-evaluate your loneliness

Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.

5. Focus on friendship rather than love

Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.

Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.

And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

My adult son feel bad and do not seek help, and what should and can I do about it?

My son is 26, has permanent employment, independent living and car.

A few years ago he was accused of a crime but acquitted. He underwent a separation of a year ago, which he initiated. I think he has feelings of guilt and that he has not worked any of these incidents.

He often says that he feels lonely. He has friends and family but no actual interests or activities outside of work.

He turns to me with great confidence, which basically I'm happy and thankful for.

Since last summer, his recurrent felt bad, had trouble sleeping and has what I would call obsessions. The thoughts about different things, and right now he is unhappy in love.

Now and then calling or texting him to me, for example, when I'm at work and says he feels bad. That he did not do more. I get very stressed and feel I need to set boundaries. I have told how I experience it, and then he asks for forgiveness, takes on guilt and says he is useless. What I try to guide him and give support so he dismisses it all, "it's no use."

Help me, how can I help my son? He does not want to go to a psychologist.

Zusanna


Hi Zusanna

I can not assess the severity of the events that your son has been through is for him, it only just himself. I will say, however, what I spontaneously think, is that some setbacks we all have in life. Separations, for example, is the majority of young people through several pieces without for the sake of completely giving up on life. There also seems to be a lot of things in your son's life that works well. Yes even better than most, because it's not every 26-year-olds who have both a fixed job and own housing and car.

What I mean by this is that I in him sense a vulnerability to life's challenges suggests that it might not just outside circumstances that makes him feel so bad? We humans are the fact of the plane; some just gets up and "Brush off the dust" from completely overwhelming difficult situations, while others become overwhelmed by something that another would hardly have perceived as a violation or failure.

You also take up your son suffers from a lot of obsessions. Just obsessions, and other anxiety symptoms, though often triggered by an external event, but it needs definitely a genetic disposition for developing a more severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. This may be worthwhile to have in your mind when you think about what kind of treatment your son would need. It is for instance not likely to get rid of severe obsessions solely by talking through and process their separation or other life circumstances. They require specific treatment for the compulsion.

Now's your problem might not primarily what treatment your son need, he refuses himself to accept help. Besides your help then. And there seems to have been a little destructive patterns between you. You write that you are glad to have his trust and that he is so open to you, and of course that is something that all parents would appreciate. But I still get the impression that this openness is something your son does not give you completely "free", if I may allow myself to apply financial terms of relationship pattern. Transparency you get for the price of that you must always be there for him, because it's only you will do as interlocutors.

The fact that a conversation does not seem to have led to any lasting improvement, you would actually be able to say that your call also performs the function that your son will not have to seek real help for their problems. That is to say that he can continue to dedicate themselves to dwell on and complain (and receive comfort and understanding in exchange) instead of to make changes, such as quitting to complain. It is namely so that ältande calls have no curative effect, but rather helps to consolidate depressive feelings.

Another thing you bring up is the oscillation between guilt and rejection that your son practice. Once you sometimes do not do more, or simply need to do your job, so the result is that he "takes on debt" and explains itself useless. It may superficially sound humble, but're actually just a nice euphemism for you to hurt him by rejecting him. Through its circumlocutions so he's signaling that it is you who thinks he's so useless, so you are not willing to take the time for him. He himself, however, may reject you, when you come with adequate proposed solutions to his problems. But even there, done it implicitly, when his rejections urgently presented as a kind of "symptoms", ie in terms of apathy and boredom.

This you can continue for long. Because the person who places the responsibility for his life outside himself; the individual events, on you, or on its own "failure". And with you that oscillate between trying to set up what he asks you, even though you realize that it does not lead anywhere, and between trying to assert your right to your own life. So in my opinion, you have absolutely right that you have to start setting boundaries - both for your own sake and for his sake - for none of you is feeling better these destructive relationship patterns.

Consider carefully what you can imagine; when you are available for phone calls, how long they will be and what you're willing to talk to him about and what recommendations you should stick to. Stay up then to these rules. That last one is crucial, because every deviation you make from your rules will lead to that you are back to square one again, and you must start over restoring your limits.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.