Why I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life?

Hi health psychologist

My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.

Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.

Mark


Hi Mark

Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.

An example

"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "

When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.

- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.

Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.

Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.

- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.

That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:

- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.

At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.

- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.

He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.

- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.

Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.

- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.

- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.

- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.

Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.

The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.

- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.

- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).

- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.

But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?

- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.

Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.

For example:

Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.

Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.

"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.

It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.

Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!

Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio

Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.

For example:

Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.

Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.

Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.

Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.

Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How do I stop wondering and dwelling on all my different concerns and problems that I have, and I am now constantly worry and think about?

Hello life coach

I am an expert in brood over and dwell on different things that kind.

I would have chosen the other pants? Did she think I seemed stupid for saying that? Head cheered on me this morning, I get fired now?

Do you have any good tips on how you can and I will end up with this?

Lira


Hi Lira

The living brooding may seem quite innocent but research shows that it can bring with it a whole pile boring side effects. The negative feelings that create turmoil is likely to deepen and last longer when they are constantly reinforced by tanks, says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who for many years conducted research on self-focused brooding. Both the ability and motivation to solve problems instead of just thinking about them liable to deteriorate and it becomes difficult to concentrate.

But with the right tools and a little practice you can learn to clear away the worry and rumination out of your mind river. It will give you more power and energy, stronger belief in yourself and a better well-being!

Here are 15 tips on how you can end up having to brood and dwell on and worry:

1. If you are brooding over things you can not do anything about - use the rubber band trick. Put a rubber band around your wrist and pull to release it and every time you think the meaningless thoughts. That way you will both reminded not to do it and you notice how often you do it that does not really do any good so you can stop it.

2. Release the things you can not change or influence. Concentrate on what you can change or influence.

3. How good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Thats how it is.

4. Stop caring so much about how you feel. How do you feel the way you feel. It will soon pass. What you think is what you are thinking. It will soon disappear too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, that you feel and what you're thinking, that you think. Since you can not stop yourself from thinking and feeling so there is no point to care about that stuff. It's just what you do that you can control. Continue to do good things.

5. Force yourself to stop worrying. Concerns only makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. Once you are set to find the first sign of trouble, you will very soon find something that is related to what you are worried about.

6. Get quiet on the commentator in the head. If you want to be happy, stop say to yourself that you are unhappy. People are constantly talking about for themselves how they feel, what they think and what others think of them. Most of it is pure imagination, and the rest is equally lies and misunderstandings. You really understand just a little of what others think about you and they do not think of you as much as you think. They think about what others think about them.

7. Note your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Whatever you do, someone else will do it better. How bad you are, there are always those who are worse off. Compete against yourself and was the best you can be.

8. Drop the debt, you know. The reason is simple: Debt does not change anything at all. It makes you feel responsible, but produces nothing new in your life. If you feel guilty for something you did, correct it or accept that you screwed up and do not do it again. Then release it. If you feel guilty for something that someone else has done, seek help.

9. Do not drink alcohol when you are angry, sad or have to rush off. Take a brisk walk or a jog instead.

10. Stop worry about what other people say about you. Wicked people can not make you angry. Nice people can not make you happy. Events and people are just events and people.They can not make you anything. You must do this yourself. What emotions than the one brought up by outside events, they are powerless to picking them up and decide what they do with you. In addition, other people much more concerned to think about what you think about them than to think of you.

11. Stop doing immoral things just because you can do them. Start by being honest with yourself and others. Do not cheat, be faithful, be kind. Do the right thing. It gives you a lot less complicated life.

12. Stop complaining and worry. Begin to focus on the things you can control and do something about them. Those who complain most in this world are those that provide the least. And when you worry, you use your imagination to create things you do not want.

13. Do not be so dramatic. Spend less time gossiping about problems and more time to help yourself and others to solve them. Stay away from other people over dramatization and not create their own similar situations.

14. Do not blame others. Take responsibility for what happens in your life. Blaming others provide exactly zero results and extends only your suffering. Whether you own your problems or they own you. It's your choice. When you blame others for what you are going through so you deny your responsibility and give up the power over your own life. Have you thought about that?

15. Do not lie to yourself. You can lie to anyone in the world before you are lying to yourself. Our life can only get better when we take chances and the first and most important opportunity is to be honest with himself.

Something to think about - and for you to work with to get a good life.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How do I stop dwelling on that I do not have a partner?

Hi coach

I am a soon 23 year old woman who just started a university education. My "problem" may sound trite, but I find it very debilitating. Briefly, I spend an awful lot of my time to dwell on that I never had a boyfriend and worry that I will never get anywhere.

I go from blaming myself, to feel "abnormal" and unattractive, being self-pitying, etc., to feel the sheer panic that I will never fall in love and have a relationship. I realize how ridiculous it is, and I will certainly meet with somebody, it's only a matter of time, etc., but then I continue to brood and brood. My brooding can ruin a whole day for me and make me miserable, distracted, unsociable and taciturn. I become bitter and jealous when I see couples, and feel like everyone in my age either have, or have had, a relationship.

For about half a year ago I was depressed and then be this brooding most focused that I had never had sex. It went so far that I drank myself blind drunk, went out at the pub, and followed the first best thing to home. Was feeling after this horribly bad !! My obsession at this point becomes even stronger when I've been drinking, and I'm afraid that I can do something I'll regret again in a drunken state.

I want to know how to get rid of these "obsessions" and stop seeing myself as "abnormal". Do not know if this pondering really has to do with poor self-esteem or confirmation needs.

Grateful for answers and good advice on how I can get help with this!

Mira


Hi Mira

Thank you for your question. You talk about your dwelling and brooding, and when you do, you describe a very common human behavior.

Let's start here. You wonder what ältande really is. The psychologist Olle Wadström describes in the book Stop dwelling and pondering in a concrete and instructive how dwelling works and how to overcome it with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you to read the book as self-help.

Dwellings thoughts. Our dwelling is often futile attempts to find answers to questions you can not answer. It is sometimes also our way of thinking trying to protect us from anxiety or an anxiety that we have. We dwell happily also things that we think is embarrassing to ask about or talk about.

You wonder if ältande's "obsessions" and if it is with "low self esteem" to do. What we do know is that psychological state as obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder often have elements of persistently ältande and brooding. Dwelling is a way to try to convince yourself and find clarity and calmness to feel better.

Dwelling consists of two types of tanks that switches from one another in a stream of thoughts. One kind of thoughts are those of concern and unease. They act as "scarers" and is known as the uneasiness thoughts. They are followed by the other type of tanks. They have the function to try to eliminate uneasiness, uncertainty, doubt and discomfort caused. The tanks are called "comforting thoughts." They provide a calm, but only for brief moments. They are not effective enough and the turmoil will come pretty soon.

Olle Wadström uses in his book metaphor to dwelling is the brain's "tennis". When one side beats of a scary thought, then returns the other hand, a comforting thought, and every time a thought comes across on the other side to turn it back. The game can continue indefinitely.

What can we do to stop dwelling? When you feel discomfort, it is our human instinct to act to get rid of it. If we continue to see dwelling as a tennis match, so the solution is not to turn the ball back when uneasiness page has been serviced. Disinclination page will continue to beat serves a while, but when the consolation side does not hit back taking servers out and the game ends.

The technique used to achieve this is called acceptance. You have probably heard of acceptance. It is a way of relating to unwanted and unpleasant thoughts and feelings that are part of the psychotherapeutic method called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT. It's about that as a positive action chooses to accept the discomfort you feel and do not act on it, but chooses to behave based on what favors the short and long term. You can read more about how to do this at the behavioral level, and other tools to break his dwelling in Olle Wadström book. You can of course also choose to go into psychotherapy with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who teaches the ACT.

I want to give you some further reflections to consider. One way to act in a direction that may be helpful for you might be to be even more in the context where you can meet a man. Think happy on the social context in which it can be. How much interest you show when you meet a man you will find sympathetic and exciting? What signals about this, you might be even better at signaling?

And one last reflection. In times of anxiety and depression, it may be wise to avoid self-care as regularly drinking large amounts of alcohol, especially binge drinking. Alcohol can affect the function of the brain's reward system and the breakdown of neurotransmitters in the brain in a way that depression and anxiety are amplified in the long term. Especially in periods of life when one is vulnerable and are working to change his life, it might be wise to be cautious with alcohol.

And I hope my answers will be helpful for you!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Are all om my worries and my concerns normal or not?

Hey!

I have often worries and feel worried about different things and can not relax? And I'm still tired, and have a disturbed sleep.

Grateful for answers to what it is, and help on how I can feel better!

Mirjam


Hi Mirjam

Concern now and then is not in itself unhealthy. It is part of how we operate. Under stress, it is normal to be more worried about the big and small things in life.

How do you know if the worry is normal?
- When the unrest is a constant torment speaks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD. Then jump turmoil around the different areas of life. You're worried about everything possible, not just for a single cause, such as health.

Who suffer from GAD?
- More than 5% are hit by abnormal worry, and there are more women than men who are plagued by excessive concern for years and without understanding that it is about GAD. There is a certain heredity. GAD can be triggered or aggravated by the trauma of divorce and death and so on.

What are the symptoms?
- Anxiety in the form of lump in the stomach, chest tightness, dizziness, sleep disturbances and muscle tension are typical symptoms. And catastrophic thoughts like "What if my child dies in traffic?", "What do my work colleagues really know about me?" And "How should I handle the economy" has often been difficult to make decisions.

Why are you?
- Often you worry about things that other people think are petty, perhaps to keep it really unpleasant gone. With the picture is almost always a depression. Perhaps you fear for what life has become and can not to think about it, focusing instead on concerns about concrete things that are closer in time.

- Concerns can also serve as a way to try to control events. For example: A person who constantly worry that their child will die might instead think "what if she crashes!" And calling and checking all the time. If all goes well think GAD patient "as the turmoil has probably worked anyway."

What is the cure for GAD?
- The studies have shown that therapy is enough for some. Others are good only of antidepressant medication, and some feel best combination. CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, is to find hidden patterns of thinking and getting the brain to think in other courses. By becoming aware and change their negative thought patterns can be good, or at least better.

Can you get completely free from worry?
- Some might be realizing that they can never get rid of worries completely. Then you have to learn to accept it and understand that anxiety is not dangerous. You get the tools to manage the turmoil and anxiety and learn to cope with disaster thoughts. With the help and training they go to keep in check. One technique is micro-breaks, where you stop, take a deep breath, think "relax" and then go on with what you were doing.

I hope it was a response to, and to your concerns and your worries, and you are always welcome to contact me to get private invidual help for your anxiety.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.

How do I as an adult child in the family, to get my parents to realize their own good?

Hello

I study now and no longer live at home, I have a younger brother and our parents are still married.

Both my brother and I have always had a better relationship with our mother, she is more open and easier to talk to than our father. However, I believe that none of us doubt that he loves us as much, he shows it's just not the same.

Now that I no longer live at home, and my parents have grown older, I think I can see more and more cracks between them than I have ever done and this makes me incredibly sad. Dad is 70 years old and retired some time ago and my mother 10 years younger, she is well inside final years on the job. I do not think they really understood that they actually are getting older with the years.

Both mom and dad are home-loving and has spent a lot of time to renovate and fix the house and garden. They also are traveling and do some things together and often seem to be happy together. But the moments in between, I think I see, more and more, becoming longer.

Mother is the energetic of them and would like to see things happen quickly, but since the father is retired and at home will be the father she put the information on. Dad has always had their own will, even more now than in recent times, and do things at their own pace and with their priorities. This interferes with mom a lot, and she can stand and almost cursing and screaming at my father, who in turn closes again and becomes silent, as he always has been.

My father is not a person who easily gets upset or discuss things. Our family is no family that discusses things, Mom control and planning, for it is no one who has set himself up against her. Is there anything to say about my father, so it is that he's incredibly kind, for good and for evil. No one really knows what Dad is doing at home all day. Take for example the cleaning. Mum thinks that because the father is at home, he would be able to clean occasionally. But often it happens like nothing and it sometimes ends with the mother gets angry and grabs it in his day, when instead they could be out on the town, or get involved together in the garden.

Dad has a couple of times to say that now that he is retired. He phase do what he wants, and does not want to budge from that. He loves to cook, and do not hesitate to use very fatty products. It did not concern us as much as if he had spent more calories than what he ingests. He does not, Dad's condition is lousy. He has a gym membership that he never uses, and he is struggling to keep pace with us if we are out walking. He gets out of breath from walking the stairs at home. Yes, he almost always sounds as if he has a strained breathing. He goes to the controls on the Sofia-home and they said that his numbers looked good, but that fitness could be better.

The rest of the family are worried about Dad, but any attempt to talk to him met with deaf ears. It plays like no matter if we take up the whole family when we were sitting and eating dinner or if one of us tries to talk to him, the two of you, he makes it feel like it's not our problem and that we have not something to do with it. He simply do not want to talk about it.

This has been mother to realize she might not be able to do all the things she has been looking forward to with Dad when she becomes a pensioner. She has expressed desires to go out and backpacking with my dad, but I do not think he will cope with it in its present condition.

His unwillingness to change has led her to reconnect with old friends, which I am happy.

I want horrible well try to do something for them, but I do not know which end to start. How will anyone be able to sit down and get my father to talk about how he thinks about the future, as he seems to do everything to avoid it?

He has never really opened up, and I feel sorry for him, but do not know how I'm going to approach him but to make him feel uncomfortable or cornered. How do we get him to realize that we are worried for him and do not want to rubbish him?

I am will be grateful for your answer

Andy


Hi Andy

Thank you for your letter, you have over the years started to understand more and more about how it works between your parents. Surely you felt it even before, but it is now starting to be able to articulate go up to yourself what it is.

As an adult has you a different capacity to read and understand. Perhaps also the fact that you no longer live at home, and that is has received a certain distance. This has made it possible for you to see how it is.

You seem worried and distressed. I can understand that you are there. However, the fact is that there is very little you can do to influence to a changing direction. Your father has the right to choose how he wants to live. Sure, you might think that exercise is good for everyone - and that's it! - But you still can not get your dad to exercise however much you want. If he will not, he must not.

He is also right that he can decide for himself what he will do in his retirement. How your parents distributes work at home with shopping and cooking, cleaning and gardening concerns only them.

Your dad does not want to talk to you about these things, you mean. Maybe he feels the pressure and push him to do and be in a certain way that he does not want? Perhaps he himself, in different ways, concerned about their future.

Your parents must have the right to their own lives. Your dad wants to slow down and take it easy. Your mother is full of adventure and energy. So it is and there is not anything you can do about it. Possibly play the age difference now in a different way than before.

Let them have what they want both of you! Encourage them to live as they want.

Maybe your mom needs support and encouragement to do what she wants on their own or with friends. Maybe your dad relieved to get your support in getting to have it as he thinks feels good. There is only one way - to let people have the life that they feel they want - no matter what others think.

Difference makes it of course if there are adults living in a way that harms children living at home, but it's not for you. Let go and all responsibility regarding your parents' lives and focus instead on finding the life that you think feels good and right for you.

That is what we get the best feelings of in the end.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.