How and what can I do to a wound not be opened up again every fall and winter of grief for my dead parents?

Hi Coach

I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.

Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.

In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.Hi Coach

I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.

Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.

In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.

I get destructive thoughts but has a social context around it so that I can handle them. It may be more about: "Think how nice it would be if I was involved in an accident so I had to be looked after," or "hope dad is waiting for me, because I'm not ready to die yet."

When I was younger, I tried to tear myself with nails. Teenage outbreaks could do so that I ripped and tore at my hair. I also cried out loud that I wanted the mother would take me, and all of us to psych. A cry for help: please help me to get in touch with someone I can talk to. But it was dismissed with reference to the stigma that is still going to psych. Or that our problems were not so serious.

Now I'm 26. Working life and active leisure keeps me going. I have been a quiet workplace so now I feel that I can focus on the grief for a while. How can you do? What can trigger me cry. For it would be so nice?

But what should I do to not have hurt so much that I have sometimes? So much that I'm shaking inside - when I allow myself.

At the moment I made contact with a pastor, I feel confident. Partly because he could see me right immediately. Partly because it is free and a good start to maybe start talking about it that hurts. Evil will always remain inside?

Dad's last Christmas he was sick, it was not my dad who had leave then, he was not the same. He died a few weeks later.

Do I have to accept that it will do so this hurts the rest of my life? Is there nothing I can do to make it hurt less?

Grateful for the help and good advice from you life coach!

Sarah


Hi Sarah

You should consult a psychologist for therapy in order to process your grief for your father. So here, 15 years later, it should not have to do so much and be as painful as it is for you. Did you get help when you were a child, to process the grief it had not been so. Then you had been able to remember your father and feel differently than you do today. It is true that you probably felt a regret, but the pain you feel now suggesting that your grief is stuck and hung.

How can it be when for some reason not given the opportunity to mourn. As you describe it, there was no one who understood how you felt, and thus you got no help. Grief is a process that often can see.

When the awful happens usually end up in shock and not able to take in what has happened. Then the reaction phase where it reacts in a variety of ways. Then release the shock and you feel. Then follows a time of processing and finally begin to find a way to work again despite - and with - it has happened.

A child whose parent dies, usually need support to deal with the infinitely great regret that means a beloved parent leaves the child. Maybe you had none at all to talk to? Maybe your mother is not available to you? You tried to attract attention but was off whisk that it would be shameful to seek help.

It is nevertheless remarkable that your mother or other adults in your neighborhood did not understand to help you with your great sorrow. And if your mom and others around themselves were busy with their own grief had really wished that your call-to-help attempts later had been taken seriously. But that was sadly not.

Now you are 26 years old and adult enough to take your frozen grief seriously. Find a life coach or a psychologist / psychotherapist. You can ask for with your family doctor where to turn to you, or find a livcoach on the internet like me here who can help you.

Wait no longer now, but make sure you get help.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

What symptoms and signs can I find and get that my private and job stress can be dangerous for me?

Hi Mr. therapist

I begin to have big problems with my stomach and to remember different things now. Plus, I easily become ill and get different kind of flu and colds all the time.

I wonder if it might have something to do with that I sleep so badly. I have trouble falling asleep, and then I wake up several times a night all of a sudden, and I wake up really early in the morning long before I walk in the way to work.

Plus, I never feel really rested when I slept.

I am extremely grateful for your reply, and get your help with this.

Best regards

Charlotte


Hej Charlotte

Put an end to the stress in your life. The imbalance between stress and sleep can lead to burnout or stress collapse. Here are the most important warning signs.

Stress is the body's way to help us survive by making us ready to fight or flee. To get stressed several times a day, in other words not harmful, it is we built.

In contrast, the prolonged stress, or high stress from several directions, in combination with insufficient recovery, be dangerous. Among other things, it can lead to burnout and stress collapse.

Such condition is detected, for example, again in extreme fatigue, severe difficulty concentrating, memory problems, and a lack of sense of purpose and commitment.

The road back may be long. Research shows that excessive stress without recovery in some cases, physical damage to the brain, which indeed can heal, but it can take years or even months.

Here are six signs that you are in danger:

 1. Sleep
A brain that believes itself to be threatened not sleep unnecessarily. The first clear sign of stress is to sleep change. Some may find it difficult to fall asleep, others wake up too early or more times during the night.

2. Worse immune system
The immune system is mainly built up during recovery. Lack of recovery therefore weaker immune response. Long-lasting colds and infections are a sign that your body needs rest.

3. Pain
When we are stressed, stress hormones are produced that activates the body to fight or flee. We tighten the muscles, which eventually begins to hurt. Especially common are pain in the shoulders, neck and head - the so-called stress the muscles - as it is said that we impulsively covers to protect the throat.

4. Oblivious
Under stress disturbed our concentration which in turn impairs the memory. It becomes more difficult to create intelligent strategies, plan and make decisions. Many seek help first at this stage, they become afraid when the brain no longer functions. Some perceive this as the only symptom.

5. Anxiety and depression
When the focus is directed towards avoiding hazards we risk to have a more negative view of the world and the people in it. Research also shows clear links between stress and depression, and depression.

6. Stomach
The stomach is closely linked to how we feel. An early sign of some is that the stomach is sore and swollen. In some reduces appetite, but stress can also cause us to eat more than normal. The intestinal flora are also affected by stress.

How do you manage stress:

Different people are affected and become sick with stress in different ways. But the lack of recovery is still the primary cause of the disease.

Try to avoid unnecessary stress, and be sure to be loaded to manage the you is not going away. Be careful recovery and constructive behaviors.

Sleep well, eat nutritious, train the body and spend time with people you enjoy.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.