I can not understand why I feel so alone, and what this loneliness feeling can depend on when I am with my own friends nowadays?

Hello life counselor

I feel so alone when I am with my own friends nowadays.

I can not understand why I feel so alone, and what this loneliness feeling can depend on?

Greetings

Liselott


Hello Liselott

You feel alone in your friendships. Maybe because you have had a role in your real friendship bonds that you do not feel comfortable with.

Amanda says that she usually get the position of the listener in their companionship.

 - And it's a role that I have begun to tire of. I have several friends who are strong and forward and talk a lot about themselves, and the relationship with them, I find it difficult to break in and take a seat. It tends to be that I get tired of waiting for them to ask "how are you then?"; I fall silent and listen, and try to solve their problems instead. I'm certainly tired of it, but we've been friends for so long now. These roles are cemented as well.

My friends, however, would probably describe me as a kind person who is calm, quiet and listens well, and do not need so much space.

I know I can not expect them to wake up and see that I have more demands on our friendship. I have to start asking yourself the requirements, she says.

Ulrika tells us in turn that she often gets the role of "organizer" in groups.
- Sure, I like to fix and organize things, but I had not imagined that I would get this role full time. I took on the responsibility for our joint Friday breakfasts at work. Since then it has become who I am planner, I expected to stay in everything from purchasing things from IKEA, to know the coffee machine that will be the best in the kitchen, or remember how often should water the flowers, she says.

Becoming aware of the role that you usually take in friendships is the first step towards better friendships!

If you do not feel comfortable with your role, and not feel that you have permission to be "yourself", so it may be the reason why you feel you have too few genuine friends.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

I feel confused and my question are what real friendship is, and how do I know when we are real friends? Here are 8 tips and answers for those who want to find new friends!

Hello Mr. life coach

I often feel confused about how I feel when I'm with different people that I meet.

So I wonder what is real friendship? How do I know we are real friends?

Grateful for an answer to my question here.

Mariam


Hi Miriam

It is easy to be pompous and a little romantic strung when you talk about friendship.

Perhaps you're thinking that true friends are those who, like just take you. You can pick up where you left off, though you have not seen for several months. And when you first met, I knew both of you at once that just the two of you would become good friends ...

It may be just such exaggerated expectations of friendship behind you actually feel rather lonely today ...

Lillian B Rubin, American social psychologist and psychotherapist based in San Francisco, is a world renowned expert on friendship. She hits a happy kind of "everyday friendship", as we have with colleagues at work, or with a workout buddy as we jump in pace with. "All these people that we are a bit conciliatory call 'familiar' also has a great value in life," she says.

Familiarize living is as important as soul mates

Actually, we should not compare them with each other or the rate much. We simply need all kinds of friends. Many times, every-day relations develop into a more intimate friendship relationship later. Some friendships will take several years to mature up, but could then, on the other hand, keeping the longer, perhaps for life.

Hard to know if one's friends "for real"

Complicating friendships is that it is quite difficult to know if they really have become friends or not.

When Lillian B Rubin did interviews and followed up friendships threads across acquaintance circuits, so she discovered that the entire 64 percent not at all mentioned the person they themselves had said was their best or close friend. 64% of your friends see you, maybe not as a friend at all. Horrible thought!

Should we go back to the primitive of friendship and require mixed blood and two tightly compressed thumbs? Or is it perhaps time to see the friendship in a new way? Perhaps as a mood we are in, and that no other more than we can tell whether it is genuine or not?

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.