What do I do when and if my parents are over-active on various social media such as Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, etc?

Hello life coach

I am a girl who is the center of my life, and now has a mother who is overactive in social media. In the beginning, I experienced it as funny that my mom found new ways to communicate with family and friends but it has totally derailed. She always phone currently picking diligently with it even when we have coffee and socialize. It's almost like she was competing to "like" the most.

We have always had a close relationship and have been able to share life's joys and sorrows. Mom has always respected my privacy and never intruded on my friends and colleagues - until she became active in social media. Now it's like that all latches released. She is everything I write, commenting on whatever topic and "like" everything I post. Often the mother in such a hurry to comment that she did not even read what it is about, this leads to strange comments and posts that are not relevant and that create tense atmosphere. It should be added that the mother can not really read the nuances of the language and ironic undertones. It often become just embarrassing.

I myself am not super active but would like to write more. I love to debate and discuss with my friends. Now I draw me to write because I know that it only takes a minute before mother "liked" or commented on.

My friends and other family has begun noticed this and it happens that when I write something or share a picture, wondering how long it will take this time before mamsen go.

On a few occasions I have tried to talk to my mom about this, but she does not seem to understand my waves. I really do not have to block her because I know how hurt she would be. It feels like this prevent me in my own life, I feel hunted.

We have discussed this at home but we do not know how to handle it. Mom has begun to follow my husband with almost the same frenzy. I myself have children in adulthood, active in social media. I commented only that dirrekt move our family, me or at such birthdays.

It has always been important to my kids have their own space, I penetrate me, but is there anyway. It's important to talk about, we face to face and not via social media. They have the right to discuss things with their friends, but I put myself in, the right to privacy. It has also, but I do not know how I'm going to get my mother to understand it?

With kind regards and many thanks in advance for your life coach.

Elisabeth


Hi Elisabeth

Your sense is that you are being chased by your mother. You feel that she indiscriminately follow you on social media and that she remotely loose folds of your life.

I read that you have tried to give your mother hints that you do not like this - but you have spoken to her and really explained how it is? That is to say that you strongly dislike and feel uncomfortable that she follows you and your spouse as she does?

She is over involved in your life and it becomes like an invasion to you / you. Your mother will be boundless and it feels uncomfortable for you.

The reasons that she is doing so this can be many. She is alone and she fills her life with interfering in your life and thus fill an emptiness? She feels outside contexts and through social media found a platform in which she perceives to be with and listen to? Has she become as absorbed and addicted to constantly be up to date with?

You have a close relationship, type, and therefore she might not understand that she crossed the border for what you feel comfortable with? She may feel that your close relationship just continues onto social media in place.

The best way to get this to end is to talk to your mom and tell you exactly how it feels to you and ask her to leave you in peace on social media.

You'll probably spend some time to explain to her exactly how you feel and why it's inconvenient for you. The clearer you are, the greater the opportunity for you to be alone.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

What do I do when my partner's children will do anything to break our relationship, and my partner did not dare grab it and set clear boundaries?

Hi coach

We had thought about moving up a day when the youngest children is approaching to fly, but I see now that dream is about to be dashed for good.

My partner has received much help from social service while his daughter itself is very inveighs even suspicious of all forms of assistance and support. In addition to having lost their mother, we suspect that she has a neuropsychiatric disabilities. I'm bitter that my partner and his ex did not start an investigation before it started going bad since the early sensed that it was not right.

Since her daughter is now a teenager and do not want myself, so there's not much the community can do more to support my partner.

So last summer, when it calmed down a little bit with her daughter. So we tried to get a week's vacation with the youngest. Partners daughter and her boyfriend had to take care of themselves and had to choose accommodation first. It was not good anyway. She stole things and screaming whore and pussy for me and the girls when she got mad at me.

We let much of it caused. But I became more and more protective. Social Services and my partner have been trying to sort out the matter with her, but it is not. She erupts and then renounce my partner.

I find it very difficult to meet her after these events. At the same time, I must in this situation prioritize my own daughter. Any excuse does not seem possible.

I find it difficult both to understand and accept that my partner's daughter hurt people who just want her well. I will not go further in this deep disappointment, even though I was an adult know that it is really sorry for her, that her world is chaotic, that she had been betrayed by someone she should be able to rely on and that she was not feeling well.

And she probably has a disability that makes her really do not understand how she offends other people.

But it is difficult for me and my partner says that her daughter should be considered as a small child who can not be held responsible for their actions, and that this is her problem. I ask him why my partner does not enter as a full parent of a small child, and apologize for, and puts right any chaotic situations she creates and the people she hurt or harm? Why is he not her guardian angel, Samaritan and the go-between?

I feel aggrieved that many years of friendly and Booyah contact and helpful from my and my daughter's not worth anything. The long bond and relationship is irrelevant.

I am very frustrated that we can not all sit down with professional help and try the snail steps to resolve this, so that I can stay in the same room with her without feeling uncomfortable.

This bothered us on every time I bring up the issue. He was silent and think that I dwell on, and I though I know about all social contacts do not understand what his daughter can handle and not handle.

I try to imagine myself in if it was I who found myself in the situation of partners. It must be terrible. At the same time, I think I had solved the situation is different to try to prevent that it goes so far.

It takes me to see his resignation and get the answer from him that "it is as it is" and "we'll see." To my solutions are naive and his daughter's mood and behavior is at a level that I can not grasp the my intellect.

Yes, you will understand what this is soup. All these strains will allow our love relationship, unfortunately, is about to fall apart even though we enjoy each other's company.

How should I do to not "rehashing" this problem may never be less? Should I give this up once and for all? Should I notify us to partner therapy despite his periods are busy with school and social services?

I look forward to all of your very wise advice regarding this!

My


Hello My

Thank you for your detailed email that well describes the situation you are in. It is painful and difficult situations you describe. Complicated circumstances that are around you, the partner and the kids do that you need to be clear-sightedness and not to be drawn into codependency where they lose themselves and their own needs.

Your partner's way of functioning is highly dysfunctional. It is of course impossible to know or maybe even speculate as to why his kids have it so hard to find a working life, but probably plays your partner's way of functioning as a father big role. To the mother, nor is a working parent do, of course, everything is much more difficult, too.

You now need to step straight out what is happening and take care of you and your family. You should never expose yourself and your family for what happened in the cottage. It does not matter how it was and what causes what you describe - Do you not recognize the risk.

It is important that you set limits for your family. Your partner can not limit-setting for fear of conflict, you write. Then do what you yourself believe in - namely set limits for you. It's enough. You can not do more. There is absolutely nothing you can do more than anything you have already done. The willingness has to come from your partner.

He will not alter until he experiences a deep motivation for it, and so has not yet taken place despite your relationship which he can reasonably afraid of.

However, it sounds like he is incapable, weak or can protect your relationship if it means he has to set limits for their children.

My advice to you is very clear: Get out medberoendet and do it now. Drop thoughts on partner therapy. What you can do is possibly going to therapy yourself and be free from medberoendet to the partner and his family.

Maybe it's time to make a break in the relationship with your partner and see how it feels to avoid all these problems that are on your partner's side? A pause may need to be several months long to take effect. It would mean that both of you got perspective on the situation and got the feel for how you actually feel for each other.

I would recommend that you read a book about the phenomenon of codependency.

Any luck on the way to your freedom from codependency!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

I got and have very bad relationship with one of my parents and what can and should I do about it?

Hello to you, I have a question for you coach!

I have nearly nine years of a very bad relationship with my mother. When I was growing up and up until I graduated, we were very close and could talk about everything. But then I started seeing a guy that she did not like the hell has broken out. She fought and screamed at me every time we met that I had to leave him or never talk to my family. The rest of the family had no problem with him and meet him anyway.

She spread rumors about me and my boyfriend
I loved my boyfriend very much and really thought she was wrong about him. She changed and had opinions about everything and everyone, spread rumors about me and my boyfriend on the town and she was impossible to talk to. This led to my mom and dad divorced. My boyfriend and I were together for several years and is still very close friends. The problem is that this remains so deep, I still dare hardly call her, shooting at it for weeks and are so stressed when the time comes. She still says the same things about my ex-boyfriend and my life in general. Everything I do is wrong, every move I make is wrong and I ask for advice, she should definitely first explain why I have been so wrong before she tells us what to do in her way.

So here it well actually always been since I was little, I've never been able to get any praise or constructive criticism. For example, when I was little and had drawn something I was very proud of could the first thing she said to be "one eye is smaller than the other," or "you must learn to do it on this way, She has never said anything positive. Which got me to stop asking her for her advice or demonstrate something I'm proud of. She has such high demands on me, I'll be together with Sweden / the world's richest men, just stay in the finest neighborhoods. And she always mentions "it makes my friends' daughters."

She can not understand that I do not have such demands on my life, I have worked for me and get money so I can do what i have to do and have a ordinary middle-class life, and she can not understand it! She herself has been working parents and ordinary middel-class. The same applies to my brother and she has said several times that she was ashamed to have us as children. I do not know where I should go, I just want to live my life my way, but it takes so much effort to always try to see the good in her eyes .. What should I do? Take a break from her? Discuss can i not becourse it is so perplexed.

Thanks for you advice in advance.
Josefin


Hi Josefin

You live in an impossibility if you'll try to make your mom to please. You describe how, ever since you were little, was quite impossible to be like your mother wanted you to be. She has needed and needs your child something to show, and she will get its worth by. As for your success or lack of success says something about herself. Is it good for you, according to her values, it means for her that she is also successful in the way that believes that a successful person. Is it in her eyes bad for you, she feels bad and lets his disappointment out on you and your brother.

She has high expectations of you / you'll make her life good so she can feel like "someone". When you do not do what she wants, she can not feel successful. Her expectations then transform and become disappointing that expresses itself in anger, disparaging behavior, ridicule and reducing of everything you do and are. You can not ever make your mother happy. It is only she who can create their luck - everything else is borrowed feathers. All you can do to live your life. Not more. Your mother tries to get hold of your and your brother's life too, so that she has access to more and more opportunities to make it as she wants. She has not even succeeded create the life she wanted, so she tries to get it through your children.

Once you see through this as I describe it is obvious that you need a remote for your mother. You need space and time to create you your life according to your values ​​in peace and without your mother's transparency and thus disparaging criticism. You have tried to talk to your mother but it has not been possible to reach her. It can be very painful to realize that a parent does not have the capacity to be just a parent and be safe, loving and stable for a child. It is not uncommon throughout the life of the child's desire for a good mother / father instead of the non-functioning parant in reality had. I think you have to give up the little girl's beliefs and yearning for a kind and good mother. She will not be, but you can best take care of the little girl in you, and who were once was small in reality and that was sad and disappointed your mother.

Giving you the opportunity to take a break from your mother. You can in a short letter explaining that you do not want to have contact in a while you need to walk to her. Further, you do not say. Spare yourself from attack and let you get peace and quiet to build up your life far away from the mother's values ​​and reviews.

Good luck to you and your new life Josefin

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Could it be great to be unfaithful in a relationship to the partner, and when is it really cheating?

Hello Mr. life coach

I'm wondering when is it really cheating?

Is that when you fantasize about having sex with a colleague at work?

Is it when making out with someone other than your partner?

Is it when you think of someone else, when you have sex with their own partners?

Or is it only when you have sex with someone secretly, and when no one's partner knows about it?

I hope that you as a life coach can help me here. So I can sort this out in my relationship with my partner about what the rules are.

Greetings

Jacob


Hi Jacob

We should talk more openly about what we really mean by fidelity and infidelity. There is a set of unspoken rules of what it really means to be together with someone.

But what if the agreement would instead be pronounced at the beginning of a relationship?

Open communication is a more honest alternative to infidelity. Then you could avoid a lot of deception and misunderstanding.

It need not always be about fast rules, but it is about daring to talk about what you wish for, listen, give and take with deep respect for the other's feelings.

Many think that fidelity is about not having sex with someone outside the relationship.

But what counts as infidelity varies very much.

- Can a heterosexual woman go and camp with a male mate or vice versa?
- Lying on his lap and watch television?
- Another feels threatened by the partner or masturbating porn surfing.
- While a third think to plan Easter together is a matter of course in a love relationship.

Especially for many of heterosexual relationships can close friendships perceived as threatening.

Contrary to what many believe may temporarily sex with others, in some cases, contribute to maintaining a long lasting relationship.

Is it reasonable to expect sexual exclusivity in a relationship that lasts 15 years?

Yes, for some it is a matter of course. But for others it is better to renegotiate the agreement.

The reality is true that so often not quite agree with the map. In surveys, 20-50 percent that they sometime in life has been unfaithful to a partner. Therefore, I suggest that we should reinterpret the concept of infidelity.

Infidelity can instead be defined as a crime against a common agreement. Faithfulness does not necessarily mean sexual exclusivity to a partner.

When to take their allegiance talking?

When you have been together, and as early as possible in a relationship. It may feel distant to think about opening up a relationship when you are newly in love. But I still think that it is easier to bring up the subject and discussed early on in the relationship, and before it's too late and has already destroyed the relationship.

I hope it was the answer to your question and concerns, and that they can solve some of those problems that you have.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.