Hello Mr mental therapist
Do you know that they are really yours thoughts? Where are thoughts coming from? If they were cut by something you just experienced? Thoughts from your feelings? Or you can be 'infected' by your thoughts? They will not only of themselves, they come from somewhere ...
Read somewhere the other day that just 5% of what we do is the result of a conscious mind.
It would mean that our behaviors and thoughts are automated and thus occurs without reflection, unconsciously. Sure, some of our thoughts are formulated in a remote and perhaps forgotten painful situation in childhood - or in an event later in life.
But if it is really so much of your thoughts?
Yes, that is the question I thought about the last few days.
Greetings
Noah
Hi Noah
Everything begins with a thought.
The idea gives a sudden feeling or cause us to do an act, often without us knowing about it. Our thoughts affect us more than we think - and we can influence our thoughts. Perhaps it is just the power of thought one of our greatest resources.
Medical and psychological research has shown that our thought patterns can be the difference between health and illness, success and adversity.
Tough mental work and sports are some of the areas where we can really push our limits. You have probably heard of all possible and impossible achievements. Only someone crazy enough to believe that nothing is impossible - everything is possible. That without oxygen reaching the summit of the highest mountain or to solve difficult problems, would be impossible without a strong belief that you can succeed.
There are many aspects and disciplines in the field of psychology of success. Over the past 10 years, the subject has grown in both interest and understanding. It includes, inter alia, mental training, goal setting, motivation, concentration, performance psychology and personal development. Success Psychology can be seen as a practical application of scientific psychology in this area.
Unconscious thoughts, and roadblocks
The successful writer Paulo Coelho describes in one of his books the theory of "second mind", a kind of "thinking" that are constantly in the background of your conscious thinking. This describes psychologists as the "inner call". You sit down, close your eyes and listen, you will hear it. It is a kind of conversation or repetition going on somewhere in the back of the head. It may be a silly song that stuck, a special person you met that you just can not get out of your head, or anything that worries you is gnawing.
This second mind or subconscious influences us in everything we do. The first step in increasing their awareness and self-knowledge is to become aware of our "inner" life, to listen within. Letting go of the ego and subjectively consider what we think and how it affects us. Where do ideas come from? What does it mean? Are they good or bad for you?
Mental blocks such as performance anxiety, self-fulfilling prophecies and bad considering circles are usually unaware. They are created and live in the subconscious. Do you think that "this will feel heavy," it sure felt heavy. It can be too easy to get caught up in negative thinking. A psychologist similar to taking out a heroin addiction.
All have sometimes gray donkey Eeyore-days when nothing goes the way and the time feels sluggish. Mental defense reflexes, home blindness and low self-confidence allows you to have difficulty neutral evaluate your own behavior and your own experiences, even harder to change them.
The mental barriers act as trigger points. Every time you find yourself in a situation you tend to fail or afraid, hitting the body of the trigger and you end up directly in the habitual ways of thinking and acting in the same way as usual.
It has long been known in psychology that if you repeat something to yourself really believable and often enough, you will eventually believe it. This can of course also be used for the better. It has been found that if the body is really relaxed and the second mind is turned off, the brain has trouble distinguishing between a real and an imaginary situation.
Self-fulfilling prophecies
Do you think you will fail making also the body and mind ready to fail. If you deep inside do not believe in yourself, you will not do your best to fulfill your dreams. Others will notice your demeanor and body language that you do not believe in what you're talking about. The body spans some muscles and relaxes in others. Neck tightened and the belly shrinks like a knot. The blood supply is choked and coordination work suddenly stopped.
I hope that my answer to your question here helps you. To get an answer to your concerns about this with, and if a thought is, and is coming from.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And
You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
Showing posts with label Influence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Influence. Show all posts
2016-04-07
2016-01-21
How do I as an adult child in the family, to get my parents to realize their own good?
Hello
I study now and no longer live at home, I have a younger brother and our parents are still married.
Both my brother and I have always had a better relationship with our mother, she is more open and easier to talk to than our father. However, I believe that none of us doubt that he loves us as much, he shows it's just not the same.
Now that I no longer live at home, and my parents have grown older, I think I can see more and more cracks between them than I have ever done and this makes me incredibly sad. Dad is 70 years old and retired some time ago and my mother 10 years younger, she is well inside final years on the job. I do not think they really understood that they actually are getting older with the years.
Both mom and dad are home-loving and has spent a lot of time to renovate and fix the house and garden. They also are traveling and do some things together and often seem to be happy together. But the moments in between, I think I see, more and more, becoming longer.
Mother is the energetic of them and would like to see things happen quickly, but since the father is retired and at home will be the father she put the information on. Dad has always had their own will, even more now than in recent times, and do things at their own pace and with their priorities. This interferes with mom a lot, and she can stand and almost cursing and screaming at my father, who in turn closes again and becomes silent, as he always has been.
My father is not a person who easily gets upset or discuss things. Our family is no family that discusses things, Mom control and planning, for it is no one who has set himself up against her. Is there anything to say about my father, so it is that he's incredibly kind, for good and for evil. No one really knows what Dad is doing at home all day. Take for example the cleaning. Mum thinks that because the father is at home, he would be able to clean occasionally. But often it happens like nothing and it sometimes ends with the mother gets angry and grabs it in his day, when instead they could be out on the town, or get involved together in the garden.
Dad has a couple of times to say that now that he is retired. He phase do what he wants, and does not want to budge from that. He loves to cook, and do not hesitate to use very fatty products. It did not concern us as much as if he had spent more calories than what he ingests. He does not, Dad's condition is lousy. He has a gym membership that he never uses, and he is struggling to keep pace with us if we are out walking. He gets out of breath from walking the stairs at home. Yes, he almost always sounds as if he has a strained breathing. He goes to the controls on the Sofia-home and they said that his numbers looked good, but that fitness could be better.
The rest of the family are worried about Dad, but any attempt to talk to him met with deaf ears. It plays like no matter if we take up the whole family when we were sitting and eating dinner or if one of us tries to talk to him, the two of you, he makes it feel like it's not our problem and that we have not something to do with it. He simply do not want to talk about it.
This has been mother to realize she might not be able to do all the things she has been looking forward to with Dad when she becomes a pensioner. She has expressed desires to go out and backpacking with my dad, but I do not think he will cope with it in its present condition.
His unwillingness to change has led her to reconnect with old friends, which I am happy.
I want horrible well try to do something for them, but I do not know which end to start. How will anyone be able to sit down and get my father to talk about how he thinks about the future, as he seems to do everything to avoid it?
He has never really opened up, and I feel sorry for him, but do not know how I'm going to approach him but to make him feel uncomfortable or cornered. How do we get him to realize that we are worried for him and do not want to rubbish him?
I am will be grateful for your answer
Andy
Hi Andy
Thank you for your letter, you have over the years started to understand more and more about how it works between your parents. Surely you felt it even before, but it is now starting to be able to articulate go up to yourself what it is.
As an adult has you a different capacity to read and understand. Perhaps also the fact that you no longer live at home, and that is has received a certain distance. This has made it possible for you to see how it is.
You seem worried and distressed. I can understand that you are there. However, the fact is that there is very little you can do to influence to a changing direction. Your father has the right to choose how he wants to live. Sure, you might think that exercise is good for everyone - and that's it! - But you still can not get your dad to exercise however much you want. If he will not, he must not.
He is also right that he can decide for himself what he will do in his retirement. How your parents distributes work at home with shopping and cooking, cleaning and gardening concerns only them.
Your dad does not want to talk to you about these things, you mean. Maybe he feels the pressure and push him to do and be in a certain way that he does not want? Perhaps he himself, in different ways, concerned about their future.
Your parents must have the right to their own lives. Your dad wants to slow down and take it easy. Your mother is full of adventure and energy. So it is and there is not anything you can do about it. Possibly play the age difference now in a different way than before.
Let them have what they want both of you! Encourage them to live as they want.
Maybe your mom needs support and encouragement to do what she wants on their own or with friends. Maybe your dad relieved to get your support in getting to have it as he thinks feels good. There is only one way - to let people have the life that they feel they want - no matter what others think.
Difference makes it of course if there are adults living in a way that harms children living at home, but it's not for you. Let go and all responsibility regarding your parents' lives and focus instead on finding the life that you think feels good and right for you.
That is what we get the best feelings of in the end.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
I study now and no longer live at home, I have a younger brother and our parents are still married.
Both my brother and I have always had a better relationship with our mother, she is more open and easier to talk to than our father. However, I believe that none of us doubt that he loves us as much, he shows it's just not the same.
Now that I no longer live at home, and my parents have grown older, I think I can see more and more cracks between them than I have ever done and this makes me incredibly sad. Dad is 70 years old and retired some time ago and my mother 10 years younger, she is well inside final years on the job. I do not think they really understood that they actually are getting older with the years.
Both mom and dad are home-loving and has spent a lot of time to renovate and fix the house and garden. They also are traveling and do some things together and often seem to be happy together. But the moments in between, I think I see, more and more, becoming longer.
Mother is the energetic of them and would like to see things happen quickly, but since the father is retired and at home will be the father she put the information on. Dad has always had their own will, even more now than in recent times, and do things at their own pace and with their priorities. This interferes with mom a lot, and she can stand and almost cursing and screaming at my father, who in turn closes again and becomes silent, as he always has been.
My father is not a person who easily gets upset or discuss things. Our family is no family that discusses things, Mom control and planning, for it is no one who has set himself up against her. Is there anything to say about my father, so it is that he's incredibly kind, for good and for evil. No one really knows what Dad is doing at home all day. Take for example the cleaning. Mum thinks that because the father is at home, he would be able to clean occasionally. But often it happens like nothing and it sometimes ends with the mother gets angry and grabs it in his day, when instead they could be out on the town, or get involved together in the garden.
Dad has a couple of times to say that now that he is retired. He phase do what he wants, and does not want to budge from that. He loves to cook, and do not hesitate to use very fatty products. It did not concern us as much as if he had spent more calories than what he ingests. He does not, Dad's condition is lousy. He has a gym membership that he never uses, and he is struggling to keep pace with us if we are out walking. He gets out of breath from walking the stairs at home. Yes, he almost always sounds as if he has a strained breathing. He goes to the controls on the Sofia-home and they said that his numbers looked good, but that fitness could be better.
The rest of the family are worried about Dad, but any attempt to talk to him met with deaf ears. It plays like no matter if we take up the whole family when we were sitting and eating dinner or if one of us tries to talk to him, the two of you, he makes it feel like it's not our problem and that we have not something to do with it. He simply do not want to talk about it.
This has been mother to realize she might not be able to do all the things she has been looking forward to with Dad when she becomes a pensioner. She has expressed desires to go out and backpacking with my dad, but I do not think he will cope with it in its present condition.
His unwillingness to change has led her to reconnect with old friends, which I am happy.
I want horrible well try to do something for them, but I do not know which end to start. How will anyone be able to sit down and get my father to talk about how he thinks about the future, as he seems to do everything to avoid it?
He has never really opened up, and I feel sorry for him, but do not know how I'm going to approach him but to make him feel uncomfortable or cornered. How do we get him to realize that we are worried for him and do not want to rubbish him?
I am will be grateful for your answer
Andy
Hi Andy
Thank you for your letter, you have over the years started to understand more and more about how it works between your parents. Surely you felt it even before, but it is now starting to be able to articulate go up to yourself what it is.
As an adult has you a different capacity to read and understand. Perhaps also the fact that you no longer live at home, and that is has received a certain distance. This has made it possible for you to see how it is.
You seem worried and distressed. I can understand that you are there. However, the fact is that there is very little you can do to influence to a changing direction. Your father has the right to choose how he wants to live. Sure, you might think that exercise is good for everyone - and that's it! - But you still can not get your dad to exercise however much you want. If he will not, he must not.
He is also right that he can decide for himself what he will do in his retirement. How your parents distributes work at home with shopping and cooking, cleaning and gardening concerns only them.
Your dad does not want to talk to you about these things, you mean. Maybe he feels the pressure and push him to do and be in a certain way that he does not want? Perhaps he himself, in different ways, concerned about their future.
Your parents must have the right to their own lives. Your dad wants to slow down and take it easy. Your mother is full of adventure and energy. So it is and there is not anything you can do about it. Possibly play the age difference now in a different way than before.
Let them have what they want both of you! Encourage them to live as they want.
Maybe your mom needs support and encouragement to do what she wants on their own or with friends. Maybe your dad relieved to get your support in getting to have it as he thinks feels good. There is only one way - to let people have the life that they feel they want - no matter what others think.
Difference makes it of course if there are adults living in a way that harms children living at home, but it's not for you. Let go and all responsibility regarding your parents' lives and focus instead on finding the life that you think feels good and right for you.
That is what we get the best feelings of in the end.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
2015-12-31
How do I know if I will be manipulated and tricked or scammed and swindle by another person, or a group of people or a sect organization?
Hi psychologist
I met a new girl a while ago.
When we met, she said she had just broken up with her former guy, and she had big problems with moving away from him find a new place to live.
It went very quickly and we were together, and only after a few weeks we were as a couple.
Since she lived with various friends all the time and on their couches. We decided that it was better that she moved in with me in my apartment.
In the beginning she was very kind and caring towards me when we moved in together. She took care of me when I came home after work, and also everything else that was needed at home.
When we met, she said she was unemployed. This is due to her boss, on her previous job had always kept on flirting and paw sexually on her. That was why she resigned, according to her.
She even told me that she was a member and leader of an occult group, and who met and worked with fortune telling, etc. And that she would soon get a new fine job according to predictions.Whoever you gets manipulated is not easy to discover, and at least not until it has already lasted a long while to you.
Now, after almost a year.
Does she still have not looked for or found and acquired a new job. Therefore I have to pay for everything as rent and food, etc. for both of us.
Plus, she does not do none of the housework in the apartment anymore. This will I do when I get home after work now.
When I ask her if I can come along and meet the others in the occult group. Then she avoids answering the question, or so she says that it does not fit right now that I see them.
I have never met any of her other friends still, and she claims she has. There are and there are always some excuse why I can not go with her and meet them.
I invited her to my friends, and in the beginning she went with me to meet my friends.
But now she does not want to come with me anymore and meet my friends. When I go and see my friends, she gets angry and mad at me for a whole week afterwards.
This means that I now do not want to see my friends anymore. Since I can not be bothered with that she is sour and angry for a whole week because I have met my friends.
And when she can not get their way, and exactly what she wants. She becomes completely silent and freeze me out, or just go her way out without saying anything about where she's going to go and do.
How do I know if she try to be manipulated and tricked me, and will scammed and swindle me, or not?
I am very grateful if you as a mental coach and professional psychologist can help me with an answer to what this is, and what it is about.
Kindest regards
Tom
Hi Tom
Hakan Jarva is a psychologist with expertise in influence and manipulation. But before he schooled about psychology and himself. He was a member of the Church of Scientology for 14 years.
- That's what led me to an interest in the subject, and what it is that can get us to do so quirky things. If someone had said it before I agreed that I would do what I did, I just laughed, he says.
In cases were Håkans manipulation gradually, as in most cases. He was happy and curious when he joined, and to join a sect is in most cases less on personality traits, and more about the lack of strong social networks.
But manipulation is not isolated to major groups and sects, it is done daily in relationships, often without the victim is aware of what is happening.
Poor partner relationships have the same type of dynamics that a dysfunctional group. Manipulation is gradual and a relationship can work more or less bad. But it's the same kind of power structure, it is about a person who is hard to have a mutual relationship with others.
Someone who manipulates others, especially cult leader, is often narcissistic psychopaths, people with personality disorders such as paranoia. And in a relationship in which someone manipulates the other party resembles more a dictatorship than a mutual relationship.
It's not about love, it's about power. They want power over the other person in a totalitarian relationship.
Are there any warning signs?
This can affect virtually anybody. When you fall in love one becomes blind, so it's impossible to know. People who are skilled at manipulating are good at getting other people to trust them. They can trick that allows you to quickly think of them as you notice nothing at first, there are no hallmarks.
However, it can be a warning sign that a relationship goes too fast, and that one person begins to suggest or require that the other should change in any way.
Being scammed is more about context and bad luck. People who are good at deceiving and manipulating sneaks up in the same shape as normal, and it is only when you have been scammed once as you begin to develop a sixth sense for it. You become allergic to when others try to control one.
Signs that you are manipulated
Often occurs manipulation gradually and can therefore be difficult to detect. But there may still be some warning bells for someone trying to use you.
• If a relationship is going very fast forward, and your partner quickly begins to suggest or require you to change you or do things for him / her.
• So-called gold diggers are often interested in your finances, and ask sooner or later if economic services.
• Love is blind, and makes you blind. Do you do things that you really do not want to, just for your partner's sake? It can be a character.
• If you miss the security of strong social networks? It can make you more prone to anyone who wants to manipulate you.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
I met a new girl a while ago.
When we met, she said she had just broken up with her former guy, and she had big problems with moving away from him find a new place to live.
It went very quickly and we were together, and only after a few weeks we were as a couple.
Since she lived with various friends all the time and on their couches. We decided that it was better that she moved in with me in my apartment.
In the beginning she was very kind and caring towards me when we moved in together. She took care of me when I came home after work, and also everything else that was needed at home.
When we met, she said she was unemployed. This is due to her boss, on her previous job had always kept on flirting and paw sexually on her. That was why she resigned, according to her.
She even told me that she was a member and leader of an occult group, and who met and worked with fortune telling, etc. And that she would soon get a new fine job according to predictions.Whoever you gets manipulated is not easy to discover, and at least not until it has already lasted a long while to you.
Now, after almost a year.
Does she still have not looked for or found and acquired a new job. Therefore I have to pay for everything as rent and food, etc. for both of us.
Plus, she does not do none of the housework in the apartment anymore. This will I do when I get home after work now.
When I ask her if I can come along and meet the others in the occult group. Then she avoids answering the question, or so she says that it does not fit right now that I see them.
I have never met any of her other friends still, and she claims she has. There are and there are always some excuse why I can not go with her and meet them.
I invited her to my friends, and in the beginning she went with me to meet my friends.
But now she does not want to come with me anymore and meet my friends. When I go and see my friends, she gets angry and mad at me for a whole week afterwards.
This means that I now do not want to see my friends anymore. Since I can not be bothered with that she is sour and angry for a whole week because I have met my friends.
And when she can not get their way, and exactly what she wants. She becomes completely silent and freeze me out, or just go her way out without saying anything about where she's going to go and do.
How do I know if she try to be manipulated and tricked me, and will scammed and swindle me, or not?
I am very grateful if you as a mental coach and professional psychologist can help me with an answer to what this is, and what it is about.
Kindest regards
Tom
Hi Tom
Hakan Jarva is a psychologist with expertise in influence and manipulation. But before he schooled about psychology and himself. He was a member of the Church of Scientology for 14 years.
- That's what led me to an interest in the subject, and what it is that can get us to do so quirky things. If someone had said it before I agreed that I would do what I did, I just laughed, he says.
In cases were Håkans manipulation gradually, as in most cases. He was happy and curious when he joined, and to join a sect is in most cases less on personality traits, and more about the lack of strong social networks.
But manipulation is not isolated to major groups and sects, it is done daily in relationships, often without the victim is aware of what is happening.
Poor partner relationships have the same type of dynamics that a dysfunctional group. Manipulation is gradual and a relationship can work more or less bad. But it's the same kind of power structure, it is about a person who is hard to have a mutual relationship with others.
Someone who manipulates others, especially cult leader, is often narcissistic psychopaths, people with personality disorders such as paranoia. And in a relationship in which someone manipulates the other party resembles more a dictatorship than a mutual relationship.
It's not about love, it's about power. They want power over the other person in a totalitarian relationship.
Are there any warning signs?
This can affect virtually anybody. When you fall in love one becomes blind, so it's impossible to know. People who are skilled at manipulating are good at getting other people to trust them. They can trick that allows you to quickly think of them as you notice nothing at first, there are no hallmarks.
However, it can be a warning sign that a relationship goes too fast, and that one person begins to suggest or require that the other should change in any way.
Being scammed is more about context and bad luck. People who are good at deceiving and manipulating sneaks up in the same shape as normal, and it is only when you have been scammed once as you begin to develop a sixth sense for it. You become allergic to when others try to control one.
Signs that you are manipulated
Often occurs manipulation gradually and can therefore be difficult to detect. But there may still be some warning bells for someone trying to use you.
• If a relationship is going very fast forward, and your partner quickly begins to suggest or require you to change you or do things for him / her.
• So-called gold diggers are often interested in your finances, and ask sooner or later if economic services.
• Love is blind, and makes you blind. Do you do things that you really do not want to, just for your partner's sake? It can be a character.
• If you miss the security of strong social networks? It can make you more prone to anyone who wants to manipulate you.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.
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