Why do I lose all contact with my friends and everyone är complains about my conduct and behavior all the time?

Why do I lose all contact my friends and
everyone complains about my conduct and behavior all the time?

Hi Coach

I have a question for you, and hope you can help me out with an answer on my problems.

I have lost most all my friends in my life now. And when I meet new people today I can spend same time and hang around together with them. But after a short time (around 6 months) they will disappear from me and from my life also.

I don't know now why no one will spend time together with me, or will be my friend anymore.

What people say and complain about me is: That I am lazy and that i not do my part of the work in school and at work, and that I am only will do the funny things, and that I never will helping out to finish anything that I have been started up on with nobody, and that I am lying about my personal stories that I tell about my life and myself.

.

I will not change my personal behavior against anyone, or how I am as a person to be friends with no one. I give skit to that kind of persons. I will instead leave that person then changing myself to try to keep this skitty bad persons as a friends.

So the most time the relationships ends up with that I say: - I will not be your friend anymore with you.

I feel like that every person I meet will get into my personal life, and saying things to me about my private behavior that I never will tolerate. I only following my feelings all the time, and I always will say exactly what i want to say to anyone, and I always do exactly what I think is funny and is coming up on my minds in just that moment.  

What is the problem with any people I meet today?

I hope you can explain and help me out with this, and how I should find and gets new friends that's like me how I am.

Best greetings

An-Mo

Hi An-Mo

Thanks for you wrote to me and ask your question.

It is always very easy to find and see all the faults that all adder people do to you.

But often people say and do things to a person. Because a person have show a behavior in a certain way against them from the beginning.

So if we start in a adder end of this.

Will you have friends that only do the funny things, and let you do all the boring things if it should gets done and finish?

Will you have friends that is lying to you about everythings, and not telling the truth about it to you?

I think you not will have this kind of personens as your friends or?

Therefore, you should look at how you act and behave towards those people that you meet today and your will have as friends?

Often you will find the answer if you try searcheth yourself first, and if you look at how you actually behave rather than them. Had you been happy and content to be treated as you treat others? And as you now are acting against the people you meet, and who might become your new friends in the future.

You write that you never want to and intend to change you as a person, and your conduct and behavior. If we look closely at this.

- If you always continue to do what you have always done so far. What has become the resulted? You have lost and have no friends today.

If you change your behavior and how you behave against the people. Do you think then that it is most likely that it may be a different result? And how other people will respond to you then? Most likely is the correct answer YES on this question.

Therefore, you should first consider whether you want to have any friends at all, or not?

And then if you decide that you want to have friends. You should start thinking about how to change yourself, and how you behave and should change your behavior, so they wants have you as good friend in the future.

And if you want back your old friends. Do you really need to apologize from your innermost of your heart, and show that you really feel ashamed before them, and for that you have been such a real asshole to them yet

Then you have to show by how you behave and through Your actions that you really have changed, and this is by making sure to take care of them and help them with everything they want from you.

So maybe you can get them back to friends again, and if you are lucky enough that they forgive you for what you have done against them when you quit munity familiar with them.

But this choice is completely free and there is only up to you to do it. But no matter which you choose you do, it will have consequences for you and your future life, and in any case for you.

I wish you all good luck with your choice, and this no matter whatever you choose to do, and this is because it is only you who has to live with your choices, and no one else.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How can I deal with and overcome my problematic thoughts and behaviors?

Hi Coach

How does my personal actions and behaviors and thoughts of me anyway? And how they affect those other people in my environment?

On how do I deal with my various problematic thoughts and behaviors?

Greetings

Richard


Hi Richard

Your actions and behaviors reflect your values!

Your personal values, your own interpretation prevail, with memories, thoughts and feelings, logical intellect, your subconscious experiences! are several key components that affect how you act in different situations. What you perceive as an absolute truth / reality probably does not think others perceive it the same way!

Note
Your values are not static but may change depending on where you are in life. You can consciously change and prioritize among your values if you want to put more focus on values other!

Change of thinking

Becoming aware of how you think, when you think and why you think is important, it creates self-awareness. But it is also essential if you want to start a process of change for better mental and physical health:

Actively controlled thinking

You can choose to have a conscious active will-driven thinking, where you simply decide what you want to think in different situations. You can reprogram your thought patterns in various situations by thinking more constructive, more positive and think of self-esteem. You can then use the Visualization and mental training.

Let go of negative automatic thoughts
When the stresses of everyday life makes itself known or a too negative view of yourself and others dominate your sphere of thought it might be useful to use methods which you try to calm your thinking and learn to let go of these negative, often repeated thoughts, which destroys more than they help. You can use your mindfulness and CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.

For a single diary of your thoughts life!

A first step to understanding yourself is to reflect on how your thoughts affect your daily life, basically every waking second. Test yourself and try to keep an internal log of how / what / why / when you think:

• What causes the tanks?
• What effect is reminiscent of your emotional state?
• When the tanks affects the emotions?
• When creating emotions in turn bodily reactions!
• When the mind is influenced by your surroundings, the environment and the people you meet!
• When thoughts are rational!
• When and why new ideas are born from an internal reasoning!
• When the tanks are repetitions of old negative thought patterns!
• When the mind seems to only occur of themselves? -
• there is a sense that lies behind batting
• with direct impact and creates the idea?
• How to control your health, your thoughts and feelings?

Self-reflection - changing the thought patterns!

A second step could be to start working more actively with your thoughts. In CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness, Visualization and Mental training is the understanding of how and why you think a certain way very central: You can use different methods as what suits you:

Consider your tanker

Try to consider the thoughts and feelings that arise in your mind objectively in different situations and times of the day. Try to be a detached observer of the thoughts and feelings that caught you. Do not go into them, but simply record what is going on.

Analyze your thoughts

Analyze your thoughts and the feelings they convey afterwards. Was there something in the environment that impacted? Did you get some physical reactions? Where thoughts and feelings good or bad, positive or negative, etc. Do you recognize the thoughts, the thoughts are recurrent, they occur in certain situations?

Transform your thoughts

Decide then if you want to change your thought patterns next time these thoughts occur. It may for example mean that you do not let the thoughts dominate you, but that you are prepared and try to make them die by itself as soon as they arise, by accepting them without letting them control you!

Control your thoughts fully aware

Ends aware constructive thought patterns in various situations involving you need to think, feel and attain. Be observant and predictive. Control your thoughts and feelings more consciously. Use your imagination, thought and feeling in harmony.

Thoughts that are repeated reinforces tanks meaning than more, and until they eventually become realities in your life!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

I wonder in what order that our various emotions come from, and where our behavior arises from, and where they come from?

Hello life coach

Sometimes it pops up just different feelings in my body, and sometimes I just do impulsive things without really knowing why I do them.

So I wonder in what order that our various emotions come from, and where our behavior arises from, and where they come from and more?

Thanks for all your wonderful response, and good help you are giving us here.

Greeting
Mrs. Brown


Hi Mrs. Brown

Your thoughts will always be ahead of your feelings, and before your actions!

When a specific feeling has taken hold within you, it must be born again to a new thought in a few minutes to persist!

Note:
Your thoughts are communicating in the body by affecting hormones like norepinephrine, dopamine and others

Left and right brain - personality traits and thoughts

Individually we are considered to be controlled by the left and right brain very different, anything that affects our personality and our habitual thought patterns and emotional responses. The different halves of the brain responsible for various personal characteristics that affect your ability to think. There, the left hemisphere is more connected to logic and the right intuition and interpretation:

Left Brain Logical thinking Detaljorinterad critical thinking Verbal, language Objective Term Rational Analytical Fact and knowledge-oriented Linear thinking, shape bound numerical Mathematical Scientific Symbolic reality based Strategic Safe Practical

Right Brain Irrational, random holistic Empathy, positive feedback visualizing Creative Non-time bound Subjective, irrational Synthetic (see picture) Imaginative and philosophical Holistic and intuitive thinking Spatial picture Vision Artistic Concrete Believe and feel Ostrategisk risk taking Spatial perseption (see Relations)

Figure: Features and functions connected to the left and right brain.

Test: Clockwise & Counterclockwise

Which brain controls you? see the movie from Harald Sun below.

If the figure spinning clockwise as a bell so the likelihood is that you are controlled by the right brain. Spins the figure counterclockwise, it is the left hemisphere that control.

Tip!

Try to get the figure to spin the other way than that which is natural to you! According to Yale University in the US, only 14% succeed in this!

Test: Fold your hands

Fold your hands and see which thumb you at the top!

Is the left thumb on top so the likelihood is that you are controlled by the right brain when the right brain controls the left side of the body and vice versa.

Note:

In meditation and deep relaxation so balanced halves of the brain and the right brain is usually when slightly more active then for about 10 minutes after the meditation turn into the more dominant left brain takes over again!

Documents and values

Your values are often the basis for your actions (behaviors). Values are often very emotionally charged! The documents to which you aspire is often your personal values and emotional foundation that base, if it is done consciously or unconsciously more. In all social relations, it is also important to recognize the values that guide us! Often you can be very ignorant of these values while they are very tangible for others! By this ranks your own values and learn to understand other people's values, of love and family relationships, at work, among friends, etc. you can create a greater understanding of why you and others act as they do.

Note

Studies have shown that people who are generous and create good deeds increases both their mental strength and physical ability!

Good actions will strengthen your mental ability and physical stamina!

The values ​​that each person is driven by light most often through. Write down the values ​​that are important to you! Prioritize them from the top down.

Examples of values:
Love, Trust, Understanding, Joy, mutual communication, Community, Sexual attraction, Respect, Development, Challenge, Assistance, Freedom, Power, Beauty, A healthy body, Efori, Honesty, Morality, Transparency, Efficiency, Accuracy, cleverness, Motivation, peace and quiet, Curiosity, Creativity, Moving intellect, Spirituality ...

Tip!
The interpretation of your and other people's values ​​are often subjective. For example, understanding the word to mean different things for you and your partner! Clarify why your own values ​​by talking and describe it in words and feelings.

For successful relationships so you should have common values ​​that are a high priority to succeed best, is especially in love relationships. By gaining insight into how your values ​​guide you, you can also increase the understanding of other people's behavior and learn to adapt to different situations and people in a better way, ie use of more EQ - emotional intelligence. You should strive to understand the values ​​that are important to you and see if they exactly matches your actions! When you shop on your important values, so are you really doing violence to yourself, which is not good! So be observant of how well your actions consistent with your values ​​and change your behavior gradually if it does not.

In the next week, and section I will go through. How your actions (behaviors) will be reflected in your personal values!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How occurs and affects my own different feelings, thoughts and behaviors me, and can I change this?

Hey coach

What must I do to be better able to understand what other people think, and what the different emotions they have?

And how occurs and affects my own different feelings, thoughts and behaviors me, and can I change this?

I am grateful for answer

Igor


Hi Igor

If you show the qualities that express concern for others. You showing that you have chosen to live a life that is bigger than yourself!

And the qualities you need to strengthen such as reducing down your ego in favor of caring about others is:

• Empathy, compassion, altruism, trust, generosity, love, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude are qualities in personality development, religion and spirituality cultivated highly appreciated, qualities that make you a proper man.
• Selfishness, insensitivity, egocentricity, suspicion, greed, hatred, malice, unforgiveness, ungratefulness are qualities that you should process, narrowing down and try to leave behind.

Relationships that entertains and is rewarding to be positive!

Did you know that intimate partner who managed to keep through life using at least five times more loving and positive communication and emotional expression than negative! They often ask questions and show interest in their partner's life. Criticism should be constructive and well-intentioned. Important criteria which proved in the study were: Parenting kept love alive and had a strategy for this, they were often facing his partner in conversation (not turned his back!), They admired and respected her partner and had fun together. The same criteria also proved to be important to keep a relationship alive in a sexual and romantic high level. The study was done by Gottman, ratio: 5: 1 seems to apply.

Note:
Criticism, contempt, defensive, or blocking of communication are criteria which often indicates that a relationship will end.

Thoughts, feelings and actions!

Thoughts are central in your life. Try to stop thinking! how long managed to your inner dialogue be quiet? a few seconds, maybe! When you think you will also see inner images as a result of your thoughts! example:

You think you want to take it calm and have a holiday! and suddenly in your mind, you see a red open sports car that you are traveling at the Summer Sweden! Now you know even vindraget in your hair smells of nature while the sun shines on your face where you are traveling through your dark sunglasses!

Your thoughts are first created images that in turn created sensations, feelings! which now produces physical reactions. You can now physically experience the smells, the wind and the heat of the sun in your body, despite everything it is only pure fiction from the beginning, a fantasy, which began with a thought!

You extend to you, and now go physically to the window to look out the window, to see if it's sunny outside, see if the summer is on the way! You open the balcony door to feel whether it's hot out and to feel the smells!

Your thoughts are first created images that in turn created feelings, sensations which in turn ultimately created DOCUMENTS (behavior) based on your inner experiences and associations!

If we follow the previous reasoning that our experiences, thoughts, thought patterns and emotional responses are stored in our inner (subconscious!) So we understand what spängkraft this may have on our everyday lives, and how it can affect our way of being and acting if we do it more consciously! There are scholars who argue that our thoughts and especially frequent patterns of thought strengthens certain neural pathways in the brain!

Imagine that your mind is a great computer! and that all your thoughts, feelings and experiences are stored in the hard drive of the computer memories. All the memories and experiences which are lying latent and you can pick them up if necessary, and you can also store new experiences there. The hard drive allows us symbolized as your memory bank, your experiences! The thoughts and thought patterns that you use are you thinking now as different documents in different applications that you choose to open on the desktop of your computer. Ie skills and experiences that you pick up from the hard drive (memory bank) in the internal memory on your computer. In the internal memory there are now applications and documents you have open in helfönster on your desktop that you are actively working with (deliberately), but also applications and documents that you have chosen to minimize as icons in the taskbar, but still available rapidly, in your mind (subconscious !). Now imagine that it is you who write and determine the contents of all the documents, and you can even choose which applications and documents should be open (conscious) or minimized (subconscious!) On the desktop that you may soon need them again! And it's only you who can change the contents of the documents by more consciously reshape your thoughts!

Your thoughts are therefore very important tools to create change. But it is not enough that you change your mind for you to succeed, but you must actively relax on the feeling, empathy for your thoughts and then change your actions (behaviors) of Vardan. It is so the experience is great and programmed.

Therefore, you must consciously begin to work with thoughts, feelings and actions together: "Every action the father is a given," quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

• Thoughts
• Emotions
• Actions (behaviors)

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy, Mindfulness, Visualization and Mental training is practical ways you can regularly make use of to learn how to replace negative thoughts with more positive thoughts and learn how to more actively seeking out the thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Next week I will answer the question about. How your thoughts will always
be ahead of your feelings, and be the prior actions in your life!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Do you feel alone? Here are 4 reasons to loneliness, and 5 strategies against loneliness for you

Hi coach

I feel so lonely.

I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.

I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.

Richard


Hi Richard

Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.

What exactly is loneliness?

Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.

Social loneliness

Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.

Emotional loneliness

Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.

The causes of loneliness

Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:

1. Deficiencies in relationships

Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).

2. Change in the relationships

Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.

3. You see yourself as a single person

If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".

4. Lack of social skills

Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.

Strategies to deal with loneliness

Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:

1. Make a rational analysis

Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).

2. Stop blame personal characteristics

Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.

3. Make positive to other people

You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.

4. Re-evaluate your loneliness

Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.

5. Focus on friendship rather than love

Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.

Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.

And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.