8 tips on how you can deal with performance anxiety easy

• Write down a small list of what you are most pleased with in yourself.
• Take for you when others give you praise or say positive things about you.
• Ask yourself every day: What did I do today that I can feel satisfied with?
• If you think negative thoughts: Stop and think if they can look at things from another more positive point of view.
• Do not compare yourself with others. We are all different good at different things. We also talk differently about what we do, how much we are studying, practicing, and how we feel - some adding and subtracting. It is almost impossible to see the whole picture of another man, and impossible to know what actually is "true".
• Think what you want.
• Dare to make mistakes. Think of it as the opportunity to practice what is difficult: What went wrong and what can I learn for next time? I was able to influence the situation, or was it the circumstances that were beyond my control?
• Drop the idea of ​​being perfect. Who is it that decides what is perfect or not?

Does not help the 8 different tips you here? You are always welcome to contact me here to get invidual personal therapy, counseling assistance and consultation for your performance anxiety.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

I have performance anxiety, and what can I do about it?

Hello Mr. life coach

I have all my life been difficult to perform when I feel I have expectations of me, both from others and myself. Therefore, my background has become very jittery.

I can handle most situations well and gets good reviews from the environment, good grades from school and employers, etc., but I always come to a point where I feel that it is becoming increasingly difficult to feel that what I do is good enough and everything feels overwhelming. The feelings do I become paralyzed, I can no longer perform that I ever managed. I begin to think illogically can not draw the right conclusions, feeling totally ignorant. Since I do not take me past this will I have, to survive with honor intact, to change tracks in life, to start over. But the older I get the whole thing becomes increasingly difficult.

Now I stand for the second time in my life with a nearly completed training and can not handle the last moment, despite all earlier gone great and I always been among the best in class. Furthermore, I am newly married and are afraid this will ruin our relationship and our life together. Since I have no income right now, I can not pay for an expensive treatment with a psychologist. I do not know how I should proceed?

Hoping for help from you Mr. life coach!

Anja


Hi Anja

Performance anxiety is fear of failure or fear that you should not fail to live up to their own or others' expectations. It does not count as a psychiatric diagnosis, but one can still feel mentally bad if you have performance anxiety.

When you have performance anxiety you feel afraid to be reviewed and assessed and then being caught by not being good enough. You feel too afraid of being humiliated if it would happen.

Performance anxiety is a feeling and is very rarely linked to the one actually performs. There are few who actually perform worse for their performance anxiety. It's usually about how you yourself perceive and evaluate their performance. Man stuck in negative thinking, rehashing and disparage the achievement gained and find it difficult to feel happy and proud of what you do. A person who has performance anxiety often sets high standards for himself and his accomplishments. Many are perfectionists.

Situations when you can have performance anxiety may include:

• Before the tests or presentations in schools
• When writing an essay or similar
• In connection with such music, dance or theater performances
• When athletes, for example for competitions and matches
• In situations when you must show itself, for example, to have sex.

Sometimes performance anxiety actually be a positive thing. It can make you that collects and prepares more so that you really manage to perform better.

There are several things that characterize performance anxiety:

• The body reacts. One can, for example, palpitations, increased heart rate, sweating, trembling, knowing that you have difficulty breathing, feel nausea or panic feelings.
• Negative and exaggerated thoughts of failure and evaluated negatively by others. The tanks are available before, during and after the situation in which a performance.
• Anticipation Anxiety before situations where you need to perform. It conjures up many possible negative scenarios of how bad it will get.
• Ältande the situation when you have achieved something. One can dwell long afterwards and get anguished thoughts on how to be perceived. The negative thoughts weighed seldom or never by positive thoughts.
• Avoid situations that evoke anxiety and fear. It may feel good for the moment, but do you never get to try their abilities or learn to manage anxiety. Then comes the fear, and the strong fantasies of horror scenarios remain. This may in turn lead to begin avoiding more and more situations and thus be limited in life and existence.

Support and help

It is natural to feel some anxiety, fear or anxiety in situations when to perform, for example, for a test, a presentation or an important game. Often relieves the feelings the more times you expose themselves to situations that feel hard. See our list of tips on what you can do to manage performance anxiety:

8 tips for dealing with your performance anxiety

But if you have such a strong fear and anxiety that you start avoiding more and more situations and limit themselves in life, you may need to seek support and help. Maybe stay home from school ends meet friends or doing activities that you really enjoy to fear and anxiety take over your thoughts.

One way to get help is to contact the school counselor or a youth. Often, some supportive calls help. They can often provide good advice on how to do and think in order to manage their performance anxiety.

You do not have access to this above. Then you turn to any life coach like me here, and to get private consultation and advisory therapy for your performance anxiety.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Why is it, and I have so difficult to make decisions and be satisfied with them afterwards, and can not stop to dwell and brood over my already made decisions?

Hello Coach

I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.

I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.

My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.

For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.

But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.

Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.

Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.

I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.

Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?

Sincerely

Jonny


Hi Johnny

Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.

- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.

He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.

- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.

The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.

- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.

Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.

It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.

- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.

That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.

- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.

Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.

- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.

Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.

Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.

- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.

He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.

Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.

- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.

When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.

- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.

Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.

- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.

Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.

- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.

Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.

- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.

7 advice when something is to be determined are:

• Do not make a decision.
• See the decision-making process as an opportunity.
• Lay not on too much information.
• Do not go around and ponder and dwell on a decision.
• The goal can not be to everyone happy.
• Keep in mind that there is no absolute right decision.
• Be prepared to correct the decision.

I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

Why I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life?

Hi health psychologist

My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.

Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.

Mark


Hi Mark

Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.

An example

"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "

When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.

- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.

Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.

Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.

- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.

That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:

- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.

At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.

- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.

He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.

- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.

Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.

- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.

- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.

- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.

Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.

The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.

- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.

- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).

- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.

But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?

- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.

Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.

For example:

Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.

Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.

"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.

It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.

Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!

Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio

Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.

For example:

Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.

Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.

Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.

Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.

Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How do I stop wondering and dwelling on all my different concerns and problems that I have, and I am now constantly worry and think about?

Hello life coach

I am an expert in brood over and dwell on different things that kind.

I would have chosen the other pants? Did she think I seemed stupid for saying that? Head cheered on me this morning, I get fired now?

Do you have any good tips on how you can and I will end up with this?

Lira


Hi Lira

The living brooding may seem quite innocent but research shows that it can bring with it a whole pile boring side effects. The negative feelings that create turmoil is likely to deepen and last longer when they are constantly reinforced by tanks, says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who for many years conducted research on self-focused brooding. Both the ability and motivation to solve problems instead of just thinking about them liable to deteriorate and it becomes difficult to concentrate.

But with the right tools and a little practice you can learn to clear away the worry and rumination out of your mind river. It will give you more power and energy, stronger belief in yourself and a better well-being!

Here are 15 tips on how you can end up having to brood and dwell on and worry:

1. If you are brooding over things you can not do anything about - use the rubber band trick. Put a rubber band around your wrist and pull to release it and every time you think the meaningless thoughts. That way you will both reminded not to do it and you notice how often you do it that does not really do any good so you can stop it.

2. Release the things you can not change or influence. Concentrate on what you can change or influence.

3. How good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Thats how it is.

4. Stop caring so much about how you feel. How do you feel the way you feel. It will soon pass. What you think is what you are thinking. It will soon disappear too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, that you feel and what you're thinking, that you think. Since you can not stop yourself from thinking and feeling so there is no point to care about that stuff. It's just what you do that you can control. Continue to do good things.

5. Force yourself to stop worrying. Concerns only makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. Once you are set to find the first sign of trouble, you will very soon find something that is related to what you are worried about.

6. Get quiet on the commentator in the head. If you want to be happy, stop say to yourself that you are unhappy. People are constantly talking about for themselves how they feel, what they think and what others think of them. Most of it is pure imagination, and the rest is equally lies and misunderstandings. You really understand just a little of what others think about you and they do not think of you as much as you think. They think about what others think about them.

7. Note your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Whatever you do, someone else will do it better. How bad you are, there are always those who are worse off. Compete against yourself and was the best you can be.

8. Drop the debt, you know. The reason is simple: Debt does not change anything at all. It makes you feel responsible, but produces nothing new in your life. If you feel guilty for something you did, correct it or accept that you screwed up and do not do it again. Then release it. If you feel guilty for something that someone else has done, seek help.

9. Do not drink alcohol when you are angry, sad or have to rush off. Take a brisk walk or a jog instead.

10. Stop worry about what other people say about you. Wicked people can not make you angry. Nice people can not make you happy. Events and people are just events and people.They can not make you anything. You must do this yourself. What emotions than the one brought up by outside events, they are powerless to picking them up and decide what they do with you. In addition, other people much more concerned to think about what you think about them than to think of you.

11. Stop doing immoral things just because you can do them. Start by being honest with yourself and others. Do not cheat, be faithful, be kind. Do the right thing. It gives you a lot less complicated life.

12. Stop complaining and worry. Begin to focus on the things you can control and do something about them. Those who complain most in this world are those that provide the least. And when you worry, you use your imagination to create things you do not want.

13. Do not be so dramatic. Spend less time gossiping about problems and more time to help yourself and others to solve them. Stay away from other people over dramatization and not create their own similar situations.

14. Do not blame others. Take responsibility for what happens in your life. Blaming others provide exactly zero results and extends only your suffering. Whether you own your problems or they own you. It's your choice. When you blame others for what you are going through so you deny your responsibility and give up the power over your own life. Have you thought about that?

15. Do not lie to yourself. You can lie to anyone in the world before you are lying to yourself. Our life can only get better when we take chances and the first and most important opportunity is to be honest with himself.

Something to think about - and for you to work with to get a good life.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

How do I stop dwelling on that I do not have a partner?

Hi coach

I am a soon 23 year old woman who just started a university education. My "problem" may sound trite, but I find it very debilitating. Briefly, I spend an awful lot of my time to dwell on that I never had a boyfriend and worry that I will never get anywhere.

I go from blaming myself, to feel "abnormal" and unattractive, being self-pitying, etc., to feel the sheer panic that I will never fall in love and have a relationship. I realize how ridiculous it is, and I will certainly meet with somebody, it's only a matter of time, etc., but then I continue to brood and brood. My brooding can ruin a whole day for me and make me miserable, distracted, unsociable and taciturn. I become bitter and jealous when I see couples, and feel like everyone in my age either have, or have had, a relationship.

For about half a year ago I was depressed and then be this brooding most focused that I had never had sex. It went so far that I drank myself blind drunk, went out at the pub, and followed the first best thing to home. Was feeling after this horribly bad !! My obsession at this point becomes even stronger when I've been drinking, and I'm afraid that I can do something I'll regret again in a drunken state.

I want to know how to get rid of these "obsessions" and stop seeing myself as "abnormal". Do not know if this pondering really has to do with poor self-esteem or confirmation needs.

Grateful for answers and good advice on how I can get help with this!

Mira


Hi Mira

Thank you for your question. You talk about your dwelling and brooding, and when you do, you describe a very common human behavior.

Let's start here. You wonder what ältande really is. The psychologist Olle Wadström describes in the book Stop dwelling and pondering in a concrete and instructive how dwelling works and how to overcome it with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you to read the book as self-help.

Dwellings thoughts. Our dwelling is often futile attempts to find answers to questions you can not answer. It is sometimes also our way of thinking trying to protect us from anxiety or an anxiety that we have. We dwell happily also things that we think is embarrassing to ask about or talk about.

You wonder if ältande's "obsessions" and if it is with "low self esteem" to do. What we do know is that psychological state as obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder often have elements of persistently ältande and brooding. Dwelling is a way to try to convince yourself and find clarity and calmness to feel better.

Dwelling consists of two types of tanks that switches from one another in a stream of thoughts. One kind of thoughts are those of concern and unease. They act as "scarers" and is known as the uneasiness thoughts. They are followed by the other type of tanks. They have the function to try to eliminate uneasiness, uncertainty, doubt and discomfort caused. The tanks are called "comforting thoughts." They provide a calm, but only for brief moments. They are not effective enough and the turmoil will come pretty soon.

Olle Wadström uses in his book metaphor to dwelling is the brain's "tennis". When one side beats of a scary thought, then returns the other hand, a comforting thought, and every time a thought comes across on the other side to turn it back. The game can continue indefinitely.

What can we do to stop dwelling? When you feel discomfort, it is our human instinct to act to get rid of it. If we continue to see dwelling as a tennis match, so the solution is not to turn the ball back when uneasiness page has been serviced. Disinclination page will continue to beat serves a while, but when the consolation side does not hit back taking servers out and the game ends.

The technique used to achieve this is called acceptance. You have probably heard of acceptance. It is a way of relating to unwanted and unpleasant thoughts and feelings that are part of the psychotherapeutic method called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT. It's about that as a positive action chooses to accept the discomfort you feel and do not act on it, but chooses to behave based on what favors the short and long term. You can read more about how to do this at the behavioral level, and other tools to break his dwelling in Olle Wadström book. You can of course also choose to go into psychotherapy with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who teaches the ACT.

I want to give you some further reflections to consider. One way to act in a direction that may be helpful for you might be to be even more in the context where you can meet a man. Think happy on the social context in which it can be. How much interest you show when you meet a man you will find sympathetic and exciting? What signals about this, you might be even better at signaling?

And one last reflection. In times of anxiety and depression, it may be wise to avoid self-care as regularly drinking large amounts of alcohol, especially binge drinking. Alcohol can affect the function of the brain's reward system and the breakdown of neurotransmitters in the brain in a way that depression and anxiety are amplified in the long term. Especially in periods of life when one is vulnerable and are working to change his life, it might be wise to be cautious with alcohol.

And I hope my answers will be helpful for you!

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.

We want and how can we best help a friend as we are about to lose, in and because of its extremely large over weight, and obsession problem?

Our friend has in recent years gained a lot of weight.

She has at times tried to lose weight and then occasionally become as manic, and lost a few kilos and then move everything up and more up again. Now it has become even worse. Only the last six months she has gone up another 25 kilos and now weighs about 120 kg and is 167cm tall.

We are two friends who have seen this for a long time. We tried to support and cheer her by taking her on training, or giving her tips on healthy eating options. Sometimes she takes it to himself, but there will be no long-term change.

We notice that she had been very different as a person, she was always happy and energetic earlier. Now she does not have the energy to keep up with us anymore. Previously, she loved to swim. But now she avoids those occasions when she is ashamed of her body. She says she is aware that she weighs too much, and yet she prioritizes everything else before, and as various hobbies (like singing in the choir, members of various associations, etc.).

We feel that we want to sit down with her and talk properly. And tell her that we are worried about her and we want her to understand that she must change her behavior. But we do not know about it only exacerbates the situation or how to proceed.

Please help us, we do not want to lose our friend!

Oliva and Sophia


Hi Oliva and Sophia

It's nice that you care about your friend, but your focus on her overweight is unfortunately a misguided benevolence. I dare say that almost all people who are overweight are also aware that this is the case. And when it comes to your friend, we can be absolutely certain that it is so, because she repeatedly tried to lose weight. In other words, there is no need for you to even talk to her friend about her weight or health. She knows how it is and does not need to be reminded of it.

Probably it is rather in the way that she thinks too much of his body and his weight. Strong overweight / obesity is actually a social stigma in our society, which means that one can be discriminated against in the labor market and poor treatment in health care.

Condescending comments from acquaintances and strangers can be folded behind the back or thrown straight in the face. Critical eyes can view the body from top to bottom, and even view what you have on your plate or in the cart. The level of awareness should therefore be high and many feel both physically and mentally ill. Despite this, there are few who manage to implement permanent lifestyle changes.

Why is it so difficult to lose weight and even more difficult to maintain the lower weight? Yes, it is in any case rarely complete ignorance. There have been many column inches, and there are constant discussions in the media about what is healthy when it comes to food and exercise. The probability is high that the vast majority have been reasonably good track of the lifestyle changes that would need to be done to improve their own health. There is no simple answer to why it is so difficult to move from theory to practice and implement the necessary changes, but there are several factors that can form explanations and that can interact; genes, biology, psychology, and environmental factors.

While there are plenty of signals that convey that being overweight is something negative, so we are constantly surrounded by a variety of enticements. At the same headline crowded dieting tips with promises of good cake and recipes. In the grocery store exposed soft drinks and sweets which we can not miss all the extra offer to buy large packs or multipacks to sensationally good price. Then there is the smell of freshly baked buns seductively winds into our noses in more and more stores. To "bake" in the store is a successful marketing ploy.

Food can be a pure pleasure. Eating can also be calming and provide comfort. For now, that is. In a later stage, that extra portion or the last piece of chocolate we took trigger anxiety and bad conscience. On the whole, food and eating associated with much emotion, and it easily becomes negative spirals of anxiety and comfort eating.

Bad mood can be a contributing factor to obesity and vice versa. Being overweight can also lead to the renunciation of activities and isolate themselves socially. Therefore, I will be happy to read that your friend gives priority to participate in club activities, instead of sitting at home and count calories.

Now for your concern for your friend and what you can do for her. Since there is no miracle cure with research support that you can refer her to, so I think that the best thing you can do is focus on being good friends and completely ignore her weight and eating habits. Suggest activities and select topics completely independent of how much she eats or considering. Otherwise you convey directly or indirectly, that she did not do as she is.

Could it be that you are being asked to help by, for example, avoid exposing your friend to temptation, you shall of course do so. If not, drop the worry and enjoy your friendship.

Best regards to all of your friends.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.

Are all om my worries and my concerns normal or not?

Hey!

I have often worries and feel worried about different things and can not relax? And I'm still tired, and have a disturbed sleep.

Grateful for answers to what it is, and help on how I can feel better!

Mirjam


Hi Mirjam

Concern now and then is not in itself unhealthy. It is part of how we operate. Under stress, it is normal to be more worried about the big and small things in life.

How do you know if the worry is normal?
- When the unrest is a constant torment speaks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD. Then jump turmoil around the different areas of life. You're worried about everything possible, not just for a single cause, such as health.

Who suffer from GAD?
- More than 5% are hit by abnormal worry, and there are more women than men who are plagued by excessive concern for years and without understanding that it is about GAD. There is a certain heredity. GAD can be triggered or aggravated by the trauma of divorce and death and so on.

What are the symptoms?
- Anxiety in the form of lump in the stomach, chest tightness, dizziness, sleep disturbances and muscle tension are typical symptoms. And catastrophic thoughts like "What if my child dies in traffic?", "What do my work colleagues really know about me?" And "How should I handle the economy" has often been difficult to make decisions.

Why are you?
- Often you worry about things that other people think are petty, perhaps to keep it really unpleasant gone. With the picture is almost always a depression. Perhaps you fear for what life has become and can not to think about it, focusing instead on concerns about concrete things that are closer in time.

- Concerns can also serve as a way to try to control events. For example: A person who constantly worry that their child will die might instead think "what if she crashes!" And calling and checking all the time. If all goes well think GAD patient "as the turmoil has probably worked anyway."

What is the cure for GAD?
- The studies have shown that therapy is enough for some. Others are good only of antidepressant medication, and some feel best combination. CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, is to find hidden patterns of thinking and getting the brain to think in other courses. By becoming aware and change their negative thought patterns can be good, or at least better.

Can you get completely free from worry?
- Some might be realizing that they can never get rid of worries completely. Then you have to learn to accept it and understand that anxiety is not dangerous. You get the tools to manage the turmoil and anxiety and learn to cope with disaster thoughts. With the help and training they go to keep in check. One technique is micro-breaks, where you stop, take a deep breath, think "relax" and then go on with what you were doing.

I hope it was a response to, and to your concerns and your worries, and you are always welcome to contact me to get private invidual help for your anxiety.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.

My adult son feel bad and do not seek help, and what should and can I do about it?

My son is 26, has permanent employment, independent living and car.

A few years ago he was accused of a crime but acquitted. He underwent a separation of a year ago, which he initiated. I think he has feelings of guilt and that he has not worked any of these incidents.

He often says that he feels lonely. He has friends and family but no actual interests or activities outside of work.

He turns to me with great confidence, which basically I'm happy and thankful for.

Since last summer, his recurrent felt bad, had trouble sleeping and has what I would call obsessions. The thoughts about different things, and right now he is unhappy in love.

Now and then calling or texting him to me, for example, when I'm at work and says he feels bad. That he did not do more. I get very stressed and feel I need to set boundaries. I have told how I experience it, and then he asks for forgiveness, takes on guilt and says he is useless. What I try to guide him and give support so he dismisses it all, "it's no use."

Help me, how can I help my son? He does not want to go to a psychologist.

Zusanna


Hi Zusanna

I can not assess the severity of the events that your son has been through is for him, it only just himself. I will say, however, what I spontaneously think, is that some setbacks we all have in life. Separations, for example, is the majority of young people through several pieces without for the sake of completely giving up on life. There also seems to be a lot of things in your son's life that works well. Yes even better than most, because it's not every 26-year-olds who have both a fixed job and own housing and car.

What I mean by this is that I in him sense a vulnerability to life's challenges suggests that it might not just outside circumstances that makes him feel so bad? We humans are the fact of the plane; some just gets up and "Brush off the dust" from completely overwhelming difficult situations, while others become overwhelmed by something that another would hardly have perceived as a violation or failure.

You also take up your son suffers from a lot of obsessions. Just obsessions, and other anxiety symptoms, though often triggered by an external event, but it needs definitely a genetic disposition for developing a more severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. This may be worthwhile to have in your mind when you think about what kind of treatment your son would need. It is for instance not likely to get rid of severe obsessions solely by talking through and process their separation or other life circumstances. They require specific treatment for the compulsion.

Now's your problem might not primarily what treatment your son need, he refuses himself to accept help. Besides your help then. And there seems to have been a little destructive patterns between you. You write that you are glad to have his trust and that he is so open to you, and of course that is something that all parents would appreciate. But I still get the impression that this openness is something your son does not give you completely "free", if I may allow myself to apply financial terms of relationship pattern. Transparency you get for the price of that you must always be there for him, because it's only you will do as interlocutors.

The fact that a conversation does not seem to have led to any lasting improvement, you would actually be able to say that your call also performs the function that your son will not have to seek real help for their problems. That is to say that he can continue to dedicate themselves to dwell on and complain (and receive comfort and understanding in exchange) instead of to make changes, such as quitting to complain. It is namely so that ältande calls have no curative effect, but rather helps to consolidate depressive feelings.

Another thing you bring up is the oscillation between guilt and rejection that your son practice. Once you sometimes do not do more, or simply need to do your job, so the result is that he "takes on debt" and explains itself useless. It may superficially sound humble, but're actually just a nice euphemism for you to hurt him by rejecting him. Through its circumlocutions so he's signaling that it is you who thinks he's so useless, so you are not willing to take the time for him. He himself, however, may reject you, when you come with adequate proposed solutions to his problems. But even there, done it implicitly, when his rejections urgently presented as a kind of "symptoms", ie in terms of apathy and boredom.

This you can continue for long. Because the person who places the responsibility for his life outside himself; the individual events, on you, or on its own "failure". And with you that oscillate between trying to set up what he asks you, even though you realize that it does not lead anywhere, and between trying to assert your right to your own life. So in my opinion, you have absolutely right that you have to start setting boundaries - both for your own sake and for his sake - for none of you is feeling better these destructive relationship patterns.

Consider carefully what you can imagine; when you are available for phone calls, how long they will be and what you're willing to talk to him about and what recommendations you should stick to. Stay up then to these rules. That last one is crucial, because every deviation you make from your rules will lead to that you are back to square one again, and you must start over restoring your limits.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health Training and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.

How should I help my friend who feel so bad?

Hello Mr. life coach and therapist

Have a friend who feels awful. Do not really know what to say or do to help her. Know that she is very sensitive and takes very offended easily. Big and small things.

She has lost contact with several of her friends, she feels hurt and disappointed because it feels like they always think that it is she who does / says wrong. Sometimes feel out among his childhood friends she had known all her life, and it extremely painful. A friend has completely stopped talking to her, the reason is quite unclear and it was still a good friend that she shared several memories.

She has quite large mood swings, irritability, and can lie and cry often, sometimes for something that happened but sometimes she does not even know why. She says she often has anxiety and not be bothered to do anything. She says she hates herself. Are often tired and sad that it does not feel as if someone understands her, sometimes not even she herself.

She does not like where she lives. Her self-esteem / self-confidence is at zero, and she did not feel comfortable with her appearance, she says she is fat even though she is not, she often compares himself with others. Even though I told her she should not do it. She is fine and good as she is. But often, I guess it is in itself, it might not matter remained what others say. She does not like to feel so weak, she wishes she could resist and feel strong any time. There are even more that are not fit to write here.

Many thanks for your response and your help

Erina


Hi Erina

Your friend feel bad and there seems to be a condition that is more protracted and deeper than being depressed and anxious and then. Any diagnosis of your friend's problem is not possible to provide based on your brief letter, and it is not what I can offer here.

Perhaps the best way for you to help your buddy may be that you make her aware that we all feel bad sometimes. That feeling is that it will be so for life while it is help to feel better. So she has now, she should not have to have it. There is help available. You are a wise and compassionate friend who is troubling you and want to help her.

A first step on the road to your buddy may be that she sees a doctor or a psychologist at the medical center she belongs to an investigative and expository conversations about what is going on.

The low self-esteem as you look at your mate can make you feel that others do not want a well, or think of one, and may lead to think that others speak ill of one. You write that your friend even among childhood friends as she had known all her life "feel out", and that her friends seem to think that what she "says and does is wrong." When you feel bad, you can become overly critical both to himself and others.

You also tell us about your friend's mood swings. She easily gets irritated, and that friends have shirked her. I understand what you write that it is something new, and not as it has been before. An odd mood of this kind is often a problem in relation to family and friends. Especially if the environment does not understand that the person is not feeling well. It could be understood that it has become awkward and aloof. It can then easily lead to conflicts in the family, or friends withdraw. Disappointed and angry. The dilemma is that when you feel bad you do not feel cope with such incidents, and perhaps do not understand what is happening. It is difficult to solve problems. Both energy and thinking are often significantly reduced.

I want to emphasize that there can be many reasons for it as your friend feel as awkward and as obstacles to her. Then propose to her, of course, fully respecting that it is she who decides how it will be, to meet with a school counselor, doctor or psychologist to talk about what she is experiencing. The first step may be to contact the health center she belongs. Primary care staff have great experience to meet and help people with various psychological disorders. Or you can give the council to your friend, that she contact me for individual private consultation and advice here.

What you might do more for your friend? In addition to encouraging a seek care. We know from studies that people who have problems with anxiety feel better if it is physically active, and despite its spontaneous resistance still do things that previously enjoyed. It is called in psychology for behavioral activation, and for many who try it it is surprisingly helpful. So another way to also help your friend may be to encourage the take walks together, maybe jogging if it fits in, and with a friendly insistence offer her to do what you do normally amuses her. Activation in this way two or three times a week is often enough to atmospheric situation will be improved step by step.

If you hear your friend's expressing a death wish or thoughts about suicide, you propose her to contact Suicide Enlightenment, a chat line, where they can receive support and guidance.

It is a privilege to be your friend trusts you while it can be difficult for you to bear her suffering on your shoulders. Think know if there would be an option for you to talk to her family or adult in your vicinity so that they can help her. I know it's not always so easy to talk to an adult. One can feel that betrays his friend. While it may be a necessary step. You can also for themselves to hear from you with any other organization for support and assistance.

You seem to me a very nice and empathetic person, and that I would say to you is that you should also take care of yourself.

Hugs to you both and hope this helps, and it gets better.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.

What symptoms and signs can I find and get that my private and job stress can be dangerous for me?

Hi Mr. therapist

I begin to have big problems with my stomach and to remember different things now. Plus, I easily become ill and get different kind of flu and colds all the time.

I wonder if it might have something to do with that I sleep so badly. I have trouble falling asleep, and then I wake up several times a night all of a sudden, and I wake up really early in the morning long before I walk in the way to work.

Plus, I never feel really rested when I slept.

I am extremely grateful for your reply, and get your help with this.

Best regards

Charlotte


Hej Charlotte

Put an end to the stress in your life. The imbalance between stress and sleep can lead to burnout or stress collapse. Here are the most important warning signs.

Stress is the body's way to help us survive by making us ready to fight or flee. To get stressed several times a day, in other words not harmful, it is we built.

In contrast, the prolonged stress, or high stress from several directions, in combination with insufficient recovery, be dangerous. Among other things, it can lead to burnout and stress collapse.

Such condition is detected, for example, again in extreme fatigue, severe difficulty concentrating, memory problems, and a lack of sense of purpose and commitment.

The road back may be long. Research shows that excessive stress without recovery in some cases, physical damage to the brain, which indeed can heal, but it can take years or even months.

Here are six signs that you are in danger:

 1. Sleep
A brain that believes itself to be threatened not sleep unnecessarily. The first clear sign of stress is to sleep change. Some may find it difficult to fall asleep, others wake up too early or more times during the night.

2. Worse immune system
The immune system is mainly built up during recovery. Lack of recovery therefore weaker immune response. Long-lasting colds and infections are a sign that your body needs rest.

3. Pain
When we are stressed, stress hormones are produced that activates the body to fight or flee. We tighten the muscles, which eventually begins to hurt. Especially common are pain in the shoulders, neck and head - the so-called stress the muscles - as it is said that we impulsively covers to protect the throat.

4. Oblivious
Under stress disturbed our concentration which in turn impairs the memory. It becomes more difficult to create intelligent strategies, plan and make decisions. Many seek help first at this stage, they become afraid when the brain no longer functions. Some perceive this as the only symptom.

5. Anxiety and depression
When the focus is directed towards avoiding hazards we risk to have a more negative view of the world and the people in it. Research also shows clear links between stress and depression, and depression.

6. Stomach
The stomach is closely linked to how we feel. An early sign of some is that the stomach is sore and swollen. In some reduces appetite, but stress can also cause us to eat more than normal. The intestinal flora are also affected by stress.

How do you manage stress:

Different people are affected and become sick with stress in different ways. But the lack of recovery is still the primary cause of the disease.

Try to avoid unnecessary stress, and be sure to be loaded to manage the you is not going away. Be careful recovery and constructive behaviors.

Sleep well, eat nutritious, train the body and spend time with people you enjoy.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.