2017-03-29
2017-03-27
Wisdom words and quotes of: Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow
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| Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow. |
Shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-03-24
Art exhibition: #MrChrisSavageArtworks
Art exhibition:#MrChrisSavageArtworks of arts made by the artist Mr. Chris Savage via Instagram
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-03-22
2017-03-20
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better loved and lost, than never to have loved
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better loved and lost, than never to have loved |
Better loved and lost, than never to have loved
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-03-17
2017-03-15
2017-03-13
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better a bird in your hand than ten in the woods
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better a bird in your hand than ten in the woods |
Better a bird in your hand than ten in the woods
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-03-12
2017-03-07
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to be without bread than irresolute
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to be without bread than irresolute |
Better to be without bread than irresolute
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-02-28
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to sue in a brook than river
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to sue in a brook than river |
Better to sue in a brook than river
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-02-22
2017-02-21
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better be silent than speak ill
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better be silent than speak ill |
Better be silent than speak ill
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-02-20
2017-02-15
2017-02-14
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better late than never
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better late than never |
Better late than never
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-02-13
2017-02-08
2017-02-07
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better listen to the string broke than never stretch a bow
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better listen to the string broke than never stretch a bow |
Better listen to the string broke than never stretch a bow
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-02-06
2017-02-03
2017-02-02
Why lie and deceive some people constantly about everything?
Hi coach
I wonder why some people encountered, constant lying that horses strive?
Why they do this lies, and it is a disease that these people have?
Thanks for your answer to my question in advance here.
Layla
Hi Layla
Some are masters at lying - without having any guilt.
Most people have at some point in life met a mythomaniac. Surely the first impression was positive. Perhaps it has even been impressed by this man all the fantastic stories. Whether they have focused on the challenges of professional life, lived through difficulties or strange family histories, has been fascinated with open minds and listened. And listened. Everything then himself may share any self-perceived experience, anecdote or story.
But whatever we have to come up with so mytomanen has always been a part of something dangerous, something fun or something more violent. At first we react not. Our innate confidence that "no one sitting and lying us straight in the face" makes us the longest trying to smooth things over. But as the stories start to fall apart and how much we want so you can no longer hold together the fabric of lies.
The realization will inexorably. It is because cheated.
- Mythomaniacs always want to put themselves in the center, making itself important. And for that, they need an audience, but it should preferably be quiet, said John Schubert, psychoanalyst and director of the Institute of Psychotherapy.
Pathological lying is a relatively unexplored area. Not much is written on the subject. And few psychologists or psychotherapists say they have no direct experience of the phenomenon, which is still common, says Johan Schubert.
It's not that weird. Mytomanen itself lacks almost always insight into the illness, and therefore also like to be treated and cured. But would mytomanen still go to therapy, it is not always easy for the therapist to get them into life. Their duperings skills, and their ability to provide their surroundings exactly what it expects - create the man that the therapist expects - makes them extremely difficult to treat.
The problem of pathological lying is found in all social strata and in people who at first glance may seem completely mentally healthy. Some enjoys general respect, are professionally successful, have a family and outwardly functioning social life, while others live in isolation and have large social or perhaps drug-related problems. Common to them all is the compulsive lies.
Mytomanens motive is, as I said the need for confirmation of standing in the center or a desperate attempt to hide their own life lie.
- But at a deeper level it is about avoiding pain, the pain that occurs when a mythomaniac forced to bring in reality, says organizational consultant and Gestalt therapist Lars Lagerstedt.
To bear all the lies that a mythomaniac do seem unbearable for most healthy people. But mytomanen perceive not lie in the same way as others. Many times they are not even aware that they are lying. Sten Levander, forensic psychiatrist at Malmö General Hospital, tells mytomanens "double accounting", and Lars Lagerstedt says that even if mytomanen were aware of his constant lying, so perceives he or she does not lie in the same way as others.
- They have no debt concept associated with that they lie, rather, they feel a desire experience when they succeed.
Their perspective is completely different. The lie is something casual and perceived as something creative of them, says Lars Lagerstedt. Many are they that testify charismatic mythomaniacs that can mesmerize his audience and skillfully maneuvers his surroundings where they want. They often appears unusually talented, charming and socially competent people.
- In order to survive as mythomaniac required to impress or otherwise dupe their environment. A certain kind of personality have to - especially if they get co-actors, reason Johan Schubert.
Sten Levander, adding that many times, it may not require quite as skilled mythomaniac for us to let ourselves be fooled.
- But we believe in them because they do not have any indication that they would be lying. They can not be decoded as we decode other people. In front of us we see a completely satisfied person who draws the most remarkable story, but when body language is fully cast we find it difficult to uncover them.
Another interesting aspect when dealing with pathological lying are the mechanisms that allow a spouse chooses to stay with the man who constantly joints, serving lies and draws one story after the other facing a seasoned acquaintances.
Even if a married mythomaniac still have to keep within a certain framework for the relationship to be sustainable - for example they may not bring the partner too much hoodwinked emotionally or financially - is such a relationship, of course, far from unproblematic. Being married to a mythomaniac without becoming embroiled himself, without becoming co-actor, is not possible. Many times it is extremely uncomfortable to confront mytomanen with an untruth.
- Once you have noticed that you have a mythomaniac do you often already co-actor, because you inexorably becomes part of the lies in the moment you realize that someone is lying and you still choose to remain silent. Therefore, people feel around a mythomaniac often a big debt that they have not taken responsibility for the situation at an earlier stage.
At the same time, you are afraid to do his or her life worse than it already is. Intuitively, you feel that you are sitting before a house of cards at risk of collapse in any moment. That in the state dare to question the big life lie often located in the ground is not easy, says Johan Schubert.
Lars Lagerstedt believe that there are also those who stay right to continue to benefit from mytomanens often charismatic personality, characteristics that make even the partner feel seen.
But what really defines a mythomaniac? All we sometimes push a little on the truth by spicing up a good story, or by a white lie as a reason for a late arrival or a cancellation of a party. But where the line is to the pure pathological lying is not entirely clear.
Sten Levander mean that as long as a mythomaniac not itself suffer or malfunctioning social person can not be described as mentally disturbed. Fresh, thus, until proven otherwise by their own suffering or social disability.
Johan Schubert believes, however, that we all have a pretty well developed instinct for when a person crosses the line.
- It is enough to see how we react to the person to get a good distinction, he says, talking about a sliding scale of imaginative of pathological lying to pure delusion.
We screws on us before mytomanen, and the fictional stories that he or she serves our attitude passive. With the good storyteller laughs we do good, even though we know it spliced a lot even in the stories.
- It is very fascinating for all of us to stretch the truth. And there is nothing bad in it. We have a need to expand the borders of our own perception of reality. We want to be seduced, but being forced to listen to mythomaniacs is something completely different, says Johan Schubert.
But where are we to turn if they have a mythomaniac in their vicinity? Where can you get help?
- For a therapist, it is of course difficult to work with a mythomaniac who himself does not want to work with their problems, therefore it is unfortunately enough so that the environment has the greatest responsibility to create awareness among these people.
However, because the pathological lying about a deep insecurity and there might be some type of violation in the ground, it is important not to denounce the person and his lies, said Lars Lagerstedt.
Instead, you should respect the person's healthy side by clearly show that they do not accept the lies. At the same time it should encourage the person to reveal more of himself - instead of all the lies. In the long term it leads hopefully to a certain disease awareness, which in turn can make the person treatable, says Lars Lagerstedt.
Facts about
Pathological lying are not as self-diagnosis, rather, these are symptoms of a picture in which a personality disorder often included.
The phenomenon is more common than you think, according to psychoanalyst John Schubert. Mythomaniacs found in all social strata in society.
According to the Encyclopedia defines pathological lying as "pathological mendacity." Furthermore, states that "mytomanin occurs in association with mental disorders and the pronounced histrionic (hysterical) people.
In children occurs fabuleringstendenser that can mimic pathological lying. "
I hope you got an answer to your question, and good luck with them mythomaniac engines as you hit forward in your life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I wonder why some people encountered, constant lying that horses strive?
Why they do this lies, and it is a disease that these people have?
Thanks for your answer to my question in advance here.
Layla
Hi Layla
Some are masters at lying - without having any guilt.
Most people have at some point in life met a mythomaniac. Surely the first impression was positive. Perhaps it has even been impressed by this man all the fantastic stories. Whether they have focused on the challenges of professional life, lived through difficulties or strange family histories, has been fascinated with open minds and listened. And listened. Everything then himself may share any self-perceived experience, anecdote or story.
But whatever we have to come up with so mytomanen has always been a part of something dangerous, something fun or something more violent. At first we react not. Our innate confidence that "no one sitting and lying us straight in the face" makes us the longest trying to smooth things over. But as the stories start to fall apart and how much we want so you can no longer hold together the fabric of lies.
The realization will inexorably. It is because cheated.
- Mythomaniacs always want to put themselves in the center, making itself important. And for that, they need an audience, but it should preferably be quiet, said John Schubert, psychoanalyst and director of the Institute of Psychotherapy.
Pathological lying is a relatively unexplored area. Not much is written on the subject. And few psychologists or psychotherapists say they have no direct experience of the phenomenon, which is still common, says Johan Schubert.
It's not that weird. Mytomanen itself lacks almost always insight into the illness, and therefore also like to be treated and cured. But would mytomanen still go to therapy, it is not always easy for the therapist to get them into life. Their duperings skills, and their ability to provide their surroundings exactly what it expects - create the man that the therapist expects - makes them extremely difficult to treat.
The problem of pathological lying is found in all social strata and in people who at first glance may seem completely mentally healthy. Some enjoys general respect, are professionally successful, have a family and outwardly functioning social life, while others live in isolation and have large social or perhaps drug-related problems. Common to them all is the compulsive lies.
Mytomanens motive is, as I said the need for confirmation of standing in the center or a desperate attempt to hide their own life lie.
- But at a deeper level it is about avoiding pain, the pain that occurs when a mythomaniac forced to bring in reality, says organizational consultant and Gestalt therapist Lars Lagerstedt.
To bear all the lies that a mythomaniac do seem unbearable for most healthy people. But mytomanen perceive not lie in the same way as others. Many times they are not even aware that they are lying. Sten Levander, forensic psychiatrist at Malmö General Hospital, tells mytomanens "double accounting", and Lars Lagerstedt says that even if mytomanen were aware of his constant lying, so perceives he or she does not lie in the same way as others.
- They have no debt concept associated with that they lie, rather, they feel a desire experience when they succeed.
Their perspective is completely different. The lie is something casual and perceived as something creative of them, says Lars Lagerstedt. Many are they that testify charismatic mythomaniacs that can mesmerize his audience and skillfully maneuvers his surroundings where they want. They often appears unusually talented, charming and socially competent people.
- In order to survive as mythomaniac required to impress or otherwise dupe their environment. A certain kind of personality have to - especially if they get co-actors, reason Johan Schubert.
Sten Levander, adding that many times, it may not require quite as skilled mythomaniac for us to let ourselves be fooled.
- But we believe in them because they do not have any indication that they would be lying. They can not be decoded as we decode other people. In front of us we see a completely satisfied person who draws the most remarkable story, but when body language is fully cast we find it difficult to uncover them.
Another interesting aspect when dealing with pathological lying are the mechanisms that allow a spouse chooses to stay with the man who constantly joints, serving lies and draws one story after the other facing a seasoned acquaintances.
Even if a married mythomaniac still have to keep within a certain framework for the relationship to be sustainable - for example they may not bring the partner too much hoodwinked emotionally or financially - is such a relationship, of course, far from unproblematic. Being married to a mythomaniac without becoming embroiled himself, without becoming co-actor, is not possible. Many times it is extremely uncomfortable to confront mytomanen with an untruth.
- Once you have noticed that you have a mythomaniac do you often already co-actor, because you inexorably becomes part of the lies in the moment you realize that someone is lying and you still choose to remain silent. Therefore, people feel around a mythomaniac often a big debt that they have not taken responsibility for the situation at an earlier stage.
At the same time, you are afraid to do his or her life worse than it already is. Intuitively, you feel that you are sitting before a house of cards at risk of collapse in any moment. That in the state dare to question the big life lie often located in the ground is not easy, says Johan Schubert.
Lars Lagerstedt believe that there are also those who stay right to continue to benefit from mytomanens often charismatic personality, characteristics that make even the partner feel seen.
But what really defines a mythomaniac? All we sometimes push a little on the truth by spicing up a good story, or by a white lie as a reason for a late arrival or a cancellation of a party. But where the line is to the pure pathological lying is not entirely clear.
Sten Levander mean that as long as a mythomaniac not itself suffer or malfunctioning social person can not be described as mentally disturbed. Fresh, thus, until proven otherwise by their own suffering or social disability.
Johan Schubert believes, however, that we all have a pretty well developed instinct for when a person crosses the line.
- It is enough to see how we react to the person to get a good distinction, he says, talking about a sliding scale of imaginative of pathological lying to pure delusion.
We screws on us before mytomanen, and the fictional stories that he or she serves our attitude passive. With the good storyteller laughs we do good, even though we know it spliced a lot even in the stories.
- It is very fascinating for all of us to stretch the truth. And there is nothing bad in it. We have a need to expand the borders of our own perception of reality. We want to be seduced, but being forced to listen to mythomaniacs is something completely different, says Johan Schubert.
But where are we to turn if they have a mythomaniac in their vicinity? Where can you get help?
- For a therapist, it is of course difficult to work with a mythomaniac who himself does not want to work with their problems, therefore it is unfortunately enough so that the environment has the greatest responsibility to create awareness among these people.
However, because the pathological lying about a deep insecurity and there might be some type of violation in the ground, it is important not to denounce the person and his lies, said Lars Lagerstedt.
Instead, you should respect the person's healthy side by clearly show that they do not accept the lies. At the same time it should encourage the person to reveal more of himself - instead of all the lies. In the long term it leads hopefully to a certain disease awareness, which in turn can make the person treatable, says Lars Lagerstedt.
Facts about
Pathological lying are not as self-diagnosis, rather, these are symptoms of a picture in which a personality disorder often included.
The phenomenon is more common than you think, according to psychoanalyst John Schubert. Mythomaniacs found in all social strata in society.
According to the Encyclopedia defines pathological lying as "pathological mendacity." Furthermore, states that "mytomanin occurs in association with mental disorders and the pronounced histrionic (hysterical) people.
In children occurs fabuleringstendenser that can mimic pathological lying. "
I hope you got an answer to your question, and good luck with them mythomaniac engines as you hit forward in your life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-02-01
2017-01-31
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better go before than preceded
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better go before than preceded |
Better go before than preceded
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-30
2017-01-27
2017-01-26
I ended the friendship, which I now regret, and do not know now how I should do to get back our friendship again?
Hello life coach
I miss my old best friend so much, and we did not hang out anymore. Due to that I said up and completed all our contact for quite a while ago.
But now in retrospect seems like it would be something that we should have been able to have solved instead, and this after this long and deep friendship that we had before together. But I was pretty damn hurt at the time.
Now it's been a while, and I have increasingly begun to realize that I miss my friend, and I would like nothing more than that everything was as it was before.
But my dilemma is that I do not dare to make contact again, and do not know how I should do to regain our friendship?
Movits
Hi Movits
The real art of apologizing
There is a story of two Jewish men who had survived the extermination camp. The men met after many years and spoke of what they had. One of them asked the other:
- Have you forgiven the Nazis?
- Yes, I've done that, replied the other.
- It's not me. I'm still filled with hatred and resentment against them for everything they did to us.
- In that case, my friend exclaimed the other, so they will keep you still captive in the camp.
The moral of this story is obvious -to forgive makes us winners, not losers. But is this really? Is not it rather insulting to suggest that the liberation from hatred and resentment of the survivor above is in fact the forgiveness?
But if we leave those horrific acts Nazis and Englas murderer guilty and instead discuss forgiveness in "everyday life". Certainly it is good to apologize? And it sure feels good when someone who has hurt us apologize! Or? Well, it depends on how and why the apology is performed, according to an article in Psychology Today (2/122012). The writer (Mark Goulston) illustrates the following dialogue between a father and son, the difference between the reflexively apologize and take responsibility for their actions:
“C’mon dad, just let me do this. I will take full responsibility for what happens.”
His dad replied, “Did you know that taking full responsibility means that if it goes wrong, you will willingly pay all the consequences without any argument, make amends and then correct what happened so it never goes wrong again?”
His son said, “I didn’t agree to that.”
His dad said, “Well what do you think taking full responsibility means?”
His son replied, “It means that if anything goes wrong, I’ll say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
An obligatory apology is about wanting to get someone off your back;
a sincere apology is about wanting to be let off the hook;
a heartfelt apology is about wanting to repair a relationship
I miss my old best friend so much, and we did not hang out anymore. Due to that I said up and completed all our contact for quite a while ago.
But now in retrospect seems like it would be something that we should have been able to have solved instead, and this after this long and deep friendship that we had before together. But I was pretty damn hurt at the time.
Now it's been a while, and I have increasingly begun to realize that I miss my friend, and I would like nothing more than that everything was as it was before.
But my dilemma is that I do not dare to make contact again, and do not know how I should do to regain our friendship?
Movits
Hi Movits
The real art of apologizing
There is a story of two Jewish men who had survived the extermination camp. The men met after many years and spoke of what they had. One of them asked the other:
- Have you forgiven the Nazis?
- Yes, I've done that, replied the other.
- It's not me. I'm still filled with hatred and resentment against them for everything they did to us.
- In that case, my friend exclaimed the other, so they will keep you still captive in the camp.
The moral of this story is obvious -to forgive makes us winners, not losers. But is this really? Is not it rather insulting to suggest that the liberation from hatred and resentment of the survivor above is in fact the forgiveness?
But if we leave those horrific acts Nazis and Englas murderer guilty and instead discuss forgiveness in "everyday life". Certainly it is good to apologize? And it sure feels good when someone who has hurt us apologize! Or? Well, it depends on how and why the apology is performed, according to an article in Psychology Today (2/122012). The writer (Mark Goulston) illustrates the following dialogue between a father and son, the difference between the reflexively apologize and take responsibility for their actions:
“C’mon dad, just let me do this. I will take full responsibility for what happens.”
His dad replied, “Did you know that taking full responsibility means that if it goes wrong, you will willingly pay all the consequences without any argument, make amends and then correct what happened so it never goes wrong again?”
His son said, “I didn’t agree to that.”
His dad said, “Well what do you think taking full responsibility means?”
His son replied, “It means that if anything goes wrong, I’ll say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
According to the American psychiatrist Pete Linnett shows the way we apologize on, if we have really understood our guilt and feel remorse. They are different ways to apologize on:
The obligatory apology: We apologize that we need or should be, and to be able to move on, not because we really feel deep within us that we have done wrong.
The honest excuse: It means we are honest when we express our apologies. But despite it's main purpose still be able to let go of what has happened and move on. The excuse is neither false or dishonest, but far from sufficient for it to feel really good for the recipient.
The heartfelt apology meant (heartfelt apology) is when we look at people as we have done evil straight in the eye when we apologize and really conveys our repentance. Through this we are signaling, "I have behaved badly and I know I made you sad and disappointed and that it will take a while before you have got to trust me again."
An obligatory apology is about wanting to get someone off your back;
a sincere apology is about wanting to be let off the hook;
a heartfelt apology is about wanting to repair a relationship
But what to do if it sincerely believed the apology is not accepted? If the recipient even scold us? Yes, according Linnet should say the following:
"I'm sorry you feel as you do, but I understand your reaction. What I did to you, you did not just sad, it hurt you in the soul and urförbannad ".
Then, wait. Quite a long time. If the person did not accept the apology after six months, it's no longer about you is unforgivable, but that the other person is implacable. And it requires a different type of processing.
2017-01-25
2017-01-24
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better escape than bad fencing
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better escape than bad fencing |
Better escape than bad fencing
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-23
2017-01-20
2017-01-19
How do you build and get loyalty and trust to other people?
Hi Coach
I have a friend. As has been very difficult to trust someone else, and it creates a lot of problems for my friend.
As for exemple. My friend have been very difficult to find and get some new friends, and therefore living my friend a depressed and very lonely life.
How do you build and get loyalty and trust back to other people?
Thank you for your help in advance, and an absolutely fantastic question and answer site you have here.
Mira
Hi Mira
The putty in every relationship and lubricant in all communication is trust. When we have confidence in anyone, we take in and listen but we also open up and share. The times reliance shortcomings, we feel how we pull ourselves together and back. Both body and soul.
Trust does not come by itself. It needs to be built and run. In the beginning, the frail but if we behave in the right way it can grow so strong that it can withstand a lot of hard knocks.
Here are my top 10 tips on how to create and maintain the loyalty and trust.
1. Be present
We all want to be seen and noticed, and the showing us the respect lost our trust. Being present means that you are available and receptive to someone else in time, space and mind. Listen, feel in and open up.
2. Keep your promises
When you stand by your words you will be reliable. You become a person to be reckoned with. Suspicion and doubt when you repeatedly fail your promises. It does not matter how acceptable you think they are.
3. If you have to betray a promise to talk about it as soon as possible
Although we intend to keep a promise, life can get in the way. Factors that we can not influence could thwart our plans and calculations. If you're gonna have to break your promise let your counterpart know about it as soon as possible.
4. Say sorry when you made the wrong
We all make mistakes and treading in autoclaves. When you are concerned that confidence is restored ask you to apologize for the incident and offer to repair or compensate for the damage suffered.
5. Be honest, but not brutally frank
When you say what you mean and mean what you say you are perceived as honest and trustworthy. But if you constantly tell your truths to others without consideration and respect, you are so brutal in your sincerity that it creates distance and discomfort rather than closeness and trust.
6. Be loyal
It is said in confidence to stay between four ears. What about the personal and private should only be told by the person it affects. How harmless you may judge it. Another form of disloyalty are talking about someone rather than to the person in question. Therefore say never anything about anyone that you can not stand for when you meet on-one.
7. Take the bull by the horns
If you grab things and not ducking discomfort and conflicts win ambient confidence. Others can trust that you are a person put your own comfort aside when necessary. Daring to highlight what is doubtful, and what you think is wrong is not only courageous, but also an action that builds trust.
8. Be yourself
Being yourself requires that you know yourself so well that you do not need to hide something for yourself. When you know who you are, it becomes much easier to be the same no matter what role you hold or what stage you are at. You can choose what you want to highlight and illuminate but the core remains the same. This way you will be credible.
9. Be consistent
When you behave in the same way over and over again, you are predictable, which provides security for your environment. And when you do that you said you will be clear and consistent, because your words match your actions. Your surroundings can trust that you mean what you say.
10. Rely on the second
Trust is a palindrome. The word is the same forwards as backwards. If you want to build trust, you must also give trust. You need to let go and give responsibility. You need to begin to trust others but also that things will work out for the best. Although you can not control. That trust is not the same as to know for sure. Trusting means that you believe. Although you do not know.
I hope your friend manages to build up and get back trust and loyalty to other people again, and that's even if your friend has become considerably burnt earlier on and in different friendships.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have a friend. As has been very difficult to trust someone else, and it creates a lot of problems for my friend.
As for exemple. My friend have been very difficult to find and get some new friends, and therefore living my friend a depressed and very lonely life.
How do you build and get loyalty and trust back to other people?
Thank you for your help in advance, and an absolutely fantastic question and answer site you have here.
Mira
Hi Mira
The putty in every relationship and lubricant in all communication is trust. When we have confidence in anyone, we take in and listen but we also open up and share. The times reliance shortcomings, we feel how we pull ourselves together and back. Both body and soul.
Trust does not come by itself. It needs to be built and run. In the beginning, the frail but if we behave in the right way it can grow so strong that it can withstand a lot of hard knocks.
Here are my top 10 tips on how to create and maintain the loyalty and trust.
1. Be present
We all want to be seen and noticed, and the showing us the respect lost our trust. Being present means that you are available and receptive to someone else in time, space and mind. Listen, feel in and open up.
2. Keep your promises
When you stand by your words you will be reliable. You become a person to be reckoned with. Suspicion and doubt when you repeatedly fail your promises. It does not matter how acceptable you think they are.
3. If you have to betray a promise to talk about it as soon as possible
Although we intend to keep a promise, life can get in the way. Factors that we can not influence could thwart our plans and calculations. If you're gonna have to break your promise let your counterpart know about it as soon as possible.
4. Say sorry when you made the wrong
We all make mistakes and treading in autoclaves. When you are concerned that confidence is restored ask you to apologize for the incident and offer to repair or compensate for the damage suffered.
5. Be honest, but not brutally frank
When you say what you mean and mean what you say you are perceived as honest and trustworthy. But if you constantly tell your truths to others without consideration and respect, you are so brutal in your sincerity that it creates distance and discomfort rather than closeness and trust.
6. Be loyal
It is said in confidence to stay between four ears. What about the personal and private should only be told by the person it affects. How harmless you may judge it. Another form of disloyalty are talking about someone rather than to the person in question. Therefore say never anything about anyone that you can not stand for when you meet on-one.
7. Take the bull by the horns
If you grab things and not ducking discomfort and conflicts win ambient confidence. Others can trust that you are a person put your own comfort aside when necessary. Daring to highlight what is doubtful, and what you think is wrong is not only courageous, but also an action that builds trust.
8. Be yourself
Being yourself requires that you know yourself so well that you do not need to hide something for yourself. When you know who you are, it becomes much easier to be the same no matter what role you hold or what stage you are at. You can choose what you want to highlight and illuminate but the core remains the same. This way you will be credible.
9. Be consistent
When you behave in the same way over and over again, you are predictable, which provides security for your environment. And when you do that you said you will be clear and consistent, because your words match your actions. Your surroundings can trust that you mean what you say.
10. Rely on the second
Trust is a palindrome. The word is the same forwards as backwards. If you want to build trust, you must also give trust. You need to let go and give responsibility. You need to begin to trust others but also that things will work out for the best. Although you can not control. That trust is not the same as to know for sure. Trusting means that you believe. Although you do not know.
I hope your friend manages to build up and get back trust and loyalty to other people again, and that's even if your friend has become considerably burnt earlier on and in different friendships.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-01-18
2017-01-17
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better an honest no than a false yes
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better an honest no than a false yes |
Better an honest no than a false yes
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-16
2017-01-13
2017-01-12
Why do I lose all contact with my friends and everyone är complains about my conduct and behavior all the time?
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| Why do I lose all contact my friends and everyone complains about my conduct and behavior all the time? |
Hi Coach
I have a question for you, and hope you can help me out with an answer on my problems.
I have lost most all my friends in my life now. And when I meet new people today I can spend same time and hang around together with them. But after a short time (around 6 months) they will disappear from me and from my life also.
I don't know now why no one will spend time together with me, or will be my friend anymore.
What people say and complain about me is: That I am lazy and that i not do my part of the work in school and at work, and that I am only will do the funny things, and that I never will helping out to finish anything that I have been started up on with nobody, and that I am lying about my personal stories that I tell about my life and myself.
.
I will not change my personal behavior against anyone, or how I am as a person to be friends with no one. I give skit to that kind of persons. I will instead leave that person then changing myself to try to keep this skitty bad persons as a friends.
So the most time the relationships ends up with that I say: - I will not be your friend anymore with you.
I feel like that every person I meet will get into my personal life, and saying things to me about my private behavior that I never will tolerate. I only following my feelings all the time, and I always will say exactly what i want to say to anyone, and I always do exactly what I think is funny and is coming up on my minds in just that moment.
What is the problem with any people I meet today?
I hope you can explain and help me out with this, and how I should find and gets new friends that's like me how I am.
Best greetings
An-Mo
Hi An-Mo
Thanks for you wrote to me and ask your question.
It is always very easy to find and see all the faults that all adder people do to you.
But often people say and do things to a person. Because a person have show a behavior in a certain way against them from the beginning.
So if we start in a adder end of this.
Will you have friends that only do the funny things, and let you do all the boring things if it should gets done and finish?
Will you have friends that is lying to you about everythings, and not telling the truth about it to you?
I think you not will have this kind of personens as your friends or?
Therefore, you should look at how you act and behave towards those people that you meet today and your will have as friends?
Often you will find the answer if you try searcheth yourself first, and if you look at how you actually behave rather than them. Had you been happy and content to be treated as you treat others? And as you now are acting against the people you meet, and who might become your new friends in the future.
You write that you never want to and intend to change you as a person, and your conduct and behavior. If we look closely at this.
- If you always continue to do what you have always done so far. What has become the resulted? You have lost and have no friends today.
If you change your behavior and how you behave against the people. Do you think then that it is most likely that it may be a different result? And how other people will respond to you then? Most likely is the correct answer YES on this question.
Therefore, you should first consider whether you want to have any friends at all, or not?
And then if you decide that you want to have friends. You should start thinking about how to change yourself, and how you behave and should change your behavior, so they wants have you as good friend in the future.
And if you want back your old friends. Do you really need to apologize from your innermost of your heart, and show that you really feel ashamed before them, and for that you have been such a real asshole to them yet
Then you have to show by how you behave and through Your actions that you really have changed, and this is by making sure to take care of them and help them with everything they want from you.
So maybe you can get them back to friends again, and if you are lucky enough that they forgive you for what you have done against them when you quit munity familiar with them.
But this choice is completely free and there is only up to you to do it. But no matter which you choose you do, it will have consequences for you and your future life, and in any case for you.
I wish you all good luck with your choice, and this no matter whatever you choose to do, and this is because it is only you who has to live with your choices, and no one else.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-01-11
2017-01-10
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better alone than in bad company
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better alone than in bad company |
Better alone than in bad company
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-09
2017-01-08
Favorite by Author / Writer: Mental Health, Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage
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| If you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching |
If you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching
by mrchrissavageIf you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching— Mr Chris Savage (@mrchrissavage) January 5, 2017
via Twitter of Author / Writer: Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage
2016-12-16
My friendly Christmas and New Year greetings to all of you from Mr. Chris Savage as your life coach, author, photographer and artist
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| My friendly Christmas and New Year greetings to all of you from Mr. Chris Savage as your life coach, author, photographer and artist |
I wish all my loyal readers and followers here, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
And it is possible to write to me here during Christmas and New Year, and I'm back here again with new updates for you in January again.
My friendly Christmas and New Year greetings to all of you.
Mr. Chris Savage
Your life coach, author, photographer and artist
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-12-15
Where go the limit for when I being manipulated and exploited by any person or my friends?
Hello life coach
I have questions about an issue.
When and how do I know that a friend just uses me, and this is to only pull their own benefit of our close friendship?
I have a friend that I always stand by and help with a lot of different things, and I never requiring anything in return.
Often give up and shoot up my own things that I would have done, and for that I instead choose to stand up for my friend who asks for help.
Those few times I ask for something. So says my friend often that this is busy with some other important things and, therefore, can not help me.
My friend also says that one should and can not expect and demand nothing in return. And of those you really love and are even really near and dear friends. Is it really good and close and good friends, so require or expect you never to get anything back from them, and think you like this, you can never be disappointed with your friends, says my friend.
Is my friend right in what is said, or is it just a way to manipulate me, and to be able to use me to all possible things?
Thanks in advance for your help and your response
Christi
Hi Christi
It is not always easy to tell if a friend using you or if the person is a true friend. However, there are certain situations or characteristics that affect how they relate to you is very special and that makes it easy to see through a negative friendship or when someone approaches with false intentions.
But here you have 4 different things that you can even transfer and check if your friend manipulates and exploits you.
They hear only when they need something
This is the basic property at a false or self-serving friendships; your friend hears only himself when he needs something from you. It can be very simple things; which lend a book or bussing person somewhere, but also more complicated situations, like t. ex. lend money.
To help your friends is a sign of love and care, but if you begin to notice that a person just come to you to ask for things, it may be time to put a limit or put an end to the situation.
They go out with friends without inviting you
It is quite natural to want to be our friends get to know each other and socialize on-one. But if someone who recently became a part of your circle of friends begins to go out with your friends without inviting you, and virtually hide this, it can be a warning sign.
It is important to be objective about this situation arises because it is sometimes easy to feel a bit threatened or jealous without any real basis. That is why it is recommended to analyze the situation very well before you take away from the person.
They use your personal information for their own benefit
Some false friends approaching you with the sole purpose of getting information about you that can be used to their advantage. Although this situation may be very obvious, you may still not take it all seriously.
This can manifest itself in many different kinds of situations, so you should be alert. It may be that the friend is trying to use your contact details for a job or to get benefits under your name. You can get involved in misunderstandings or serious problems with your contacts without having any idea what was happening.
You constantly get slammed
A true friendship is sincere and not self-serving, but at times we need our friends' help. It may be that you need someone to listen, a service, or that they help you in certain situations. If you notice that your friend always refuses to help you, it is probably not a very sincere friendship.
This point is closely related to the first point, then it is very common in false friendship that the person always asks you for help or trying to take advantage of you, but disappear when you need something.
Far from all the people we meet in our lives has the intention to exploit us or bring us harm, but it is important to be alert to avoid being exploited by those who have such intentions.
But if any seats in all four criteria above. You should immediately dispose of those friends, and completely get rid of them from your life. For they are no friends, only people who manipulate and exploit you because you are good and kind person.
And if someone shows signs of any of those four criteria above. Will you be observant and vigilant about this person. For it is a sure sign. That this is a man who would take a lot more than it really wants to give back to you as a friend.
I hope my answer is helpful to you, and that they address themselves to you, which precise friends you should keep or not in your life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have questions about an issue.
When and how do I know that a friend just uses me, and this is to only pull their own benefit of our close friendship?
I have a friend that I always stand by and help with a lot of different things, and I never requiring anything in return.
Often give up and shoot up my own things that I would have done, and for that I instead choose to stand up for my friend who asks for help.
Those few times I ask for something. So says my friend often that this is busy with some other important things and, therefore, can not help me.
My friend also says that one should and can not expect and demand nothing in return. And of those you really love and are even really near and dear friends. Is it really good and close and good friends, so require or expect you never to get anything back from them, and think you like this, you can never be disappointed with your friends, says my friend.
Is my friend right in what is said, or is it just a way to manipulate me, and to be able to use me to all possible things?
Thanks in advance for your help and your response
Christi
Hi Christi
It is not always easy to tell if a friend using you or if the person is a true friend. However, there are certain situations or characteristics that affect how they relate to you is very special and that makes it easy to see through a negative friendship or when someone approaches with false intentions.
But here you have 4 different things that you can even transfer and check if your friend manipulates and exploits you.
They hear only when they need something
This is the basic property at a false or self-serving friendships; your friend hears only himself when he needs something from you. It can be very simple things; which lend a book or bussing person somewhere, but also more complicated situations, like t. ex. lend money.
To help your friends is a sign of love and care, but if you begin to notice that a person just come to you to ask for things, it may be time to put a limit or put an end to the situation.
They go out with friends without inviting you
It is quite natural to want to be our friends get to know each other and socialize on-one. But if someone who recently became a part of your circle of friends begins to go out with your friends without inviting you, and virtually hide this, it can be a warning sign.
It is important to be objective about this situation arises because it is sometimes easy to feel a bit threatened or jealous without any real basis. That is why it is recommended to analyze the situation very well before you take away from the person.
They use your personal information for their own benefit
Some false friends approaching you with the sole purpose of getting information about you that can be used to their advantage. Although this situation may be very obvious, you may still not take it all seriously.
This can manifest itself in many different kinds of situations, so you should be alert. It may be that the friend is trying to use your contact details for a job or to get benefits under your name. You can get involved in misunderstandings or serious problems with your contacts without having any idea what was happening.
You constantly get slammed
A true friendship is sincere and not self-serving, but at times we need our friends' help. It may be that you need someone to listen, a service, or that they help you in certain situations. If you notice that your friend always refuses to help you, it is probably not a very sincere friendship.
This point is closely related to the first point, then it is very common in false friendship that the person always asks you for help or trying to take advantage of you, but disappear when you need something.
Far from all the people we meet in our lives has the intention to exploit us or bring us harm, but it is important to be alert to avoid being exploited by those who have such intentions.
But if any seats in all four criteria above. You should immediately dispose of those friends, and completely get rid of them from your life. For they are no friends, only people who manipulate and exploit you because you are good and kind person.
And if someone shows signs of any of those four criteria above. Will you be observant and vigilant about this person. For it is a sure sign. That this is a man who would take a lot more than it really wants to give back to you as a friend.
I hope my answer is helpful to you, and that they address themselves to you, which precise friends you should keep or not in your life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-12-14
2016-12-13
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to occur than cure
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better to occur than cure |
Better to occur than cure
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2016-12-12
2016-12-08
How can I deal with and overcome my problematic thoughts and behaviors?
Hi Coach
How does my personal actions and behaviors and thoughts of me anyway? And how they affect those other people in my environment?
On how do I deal with my various problematic thoughts and behaviors?
Greetings
Richard
Hi Richard
Your actions and behaviors reflect your values!
Your personal values, your own interpretation prevail, with memories, thoughts and feelings, logical intellect, your subconscious experiences! are several key components that affect how you act in different situations. What you perceive as an absolute truth / reality probably does not think others perceive it the same way!
Note
Your values are not static but may change depending on where you are in life. You can consciously change and prioritize among your values if you want to put more focus on values other!
Change of thinking
Becoming aware of how you think, when you think and why you think is important, it creates self-awareness. But it is also essential if you want to start a process of change for better mental and physical health:
Actively controlled thinking
You can choose to have a conscious active will-driven thinking, where you simply decide what you want to think in different situations. You can reprogram your thought patterns in various situations by thinking more constructive, more positive and think of self-esteem. You can then use the Visualization and mental training.
Let go of negative automatic thoughts
When the stresses of everyday life makes itself known or a too negative view of yourself and others dominate your sphere of thought it might be useful to use methods which you try to calm your thinking and learn to let go of these negative, often repeated thoughts, which destroys more than they help. You can use your mindfulness and CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.
For a single diary of your thoughts life!
A first step to understanding yourself is to reflect on how your thoughts affect your daily life, basically every waking second. Test yourself and try to keep an internal log of how / what / why / when you think:
Self-reflection - changing the thought patterns!
A second step could be to start working more actively with your thoughts. In CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness, Visualization and Mental training is the understanding of how and why you think a certain way very central: You can use different methods as what suits you:
Consider your tanker
Try to consider the thoughts and feelings that arise in your mind objectively in different situations and times of the day. Try to be a detached observer of the thoughts and feelings that caught you. Do not go into them, but simply record what is going on.
Analyze your thoughts
Analyze your thoughts and the feelings they convey afterwards. Was there something in the environment that impacted? Did you get some physical reactions? Where thoughts and feelings good or bad, positive or negative, etc. Do you recognize the thoughts, the thoughts are recurrent, they occur in certain situations?
Transform your thoughts
Decide then if you want to change your thought patterns next time these thoughts occur. It may for example mean that you do not let the thoughts dominate you, but that you are prepared and try to make them die by itself as soon as they arise, by accepting them without letting them control you!
Control your thoughts fully aware
Ends aware constructive thought patterns in various situations involving you need to think, feel and attain. Be observant and predictive. Control your thoughts and feelings more consciously. Use your imagination, thought and feeling in harmony.
Thoughts that are repeated reinforces tanks meaning than more, and until they eventually become realities in your life!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
How does my personal actions and behaviors and thoughts of me anyway? And how they affect those other people in my environment?
On how do I deal with my various problematic thoughts and behaviors?
Greetings
Richard
Hi Richard
Your actions and behaviors reflect your values!
Your personal values, your own interpretation prevail, with memories, thoughts and feelings, logical intellect, your subconscious experiences! are several key components that affect how you act in different situations. What you perceive as an absolute truth / reality probably does not think others perceive it the same way!
Note
Your values are not static but may change depending on where you are in life. You can consciously change and prioritize among your values if you want to put more focus on values other!
Change of thinking
Becoming aware of how you think, when you think and why you think is important, it creates self-awareness. But it is also essential if you want to start a process of change for better mental and physical health:
Actively controlled thinking
You can choose to have a conscious active will-driven thinking, where you simply decide what you want to think in different situations. You can reprogram your thought patterns in various situations by thinking more constructive, more positive and think of self-esteem. You can then use the Visualization and mental training.
Let go of negative automatic thoughts
When the stresses of everyday life makes itself known or a too negative view of yourself and others dominate your sphere of thought it might be useful to use methods which you try to calm your thinking and learn to let go of these negative, often repeated thoughts, which destroys more than they help. You can use your mindfulness and CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.
For a single diary of your thoughts life!
A first step to understanding yourself is to reflect on how your thoughts affect your daily life, basically every waking second. Test yourself and try to keep an internal log of how / what / why / when you think:
- What causes the tanks?
- What effect is reminiscent of your emotional state?
- When the tanks affects the emotions?
- When creating emotions in turn bodily reactions!
- When the mind is influenced by your surroundings, the environment and the people you meet!
- When thoughts are rational!
- When and why new ideas are born from an internal reasoning!
- When the tanks are repetitions of old negative thought patterns!
- When the mind seems to only occur of themselves? -
- there is a sense that lies behind batting
- with direct impact and creates the idea?
- How to control your health, your thoughts and feelings?
Self-reflection - changing the thought patterns!
A second step could be to start working more actively with your thoughts. In CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Mindfulness, Visualization and Mental training is the understanding of how and why you think a certain way very central: You can use different methods as what suits you:
Consider your tanker
Try to consider the thoughts and feelings that arise in your mind objectively in different situations and times of the day. Try to be a detached observer of the thoughts and feelings that caught you. Do not go into them, but simply record what is going on.
Analyze your thoughts
Analyze your thoughts and the feelings they convey afterwards. Was there something in the environment that impacted? Did you get some physical reactions? Where thoughts and feelings good or bad, positive or negative, etc. Do you recognize the thoughts, the thoughts are recurrent, they occur in certain situations?
Transform your thoughts
Decide then if you want to change your thought patterns next time these thoughts occur. It may for example mean that you do not let the thoughts dominate you, but that you are prepared and try to make them die by itself as soon as they arise, by accepting them without letting them control you!
Control your thoughts fully aware
Ends aware constructive thought patterns in various situations involving you need to think, feel and attain. Be observant and predictive. Control your thoughts and feelings more consciously. Use your imagination, thought and feeling in harmony.
Thoughts that are repeated reinforces tanks meaning than more, and until they eventually become realities in your life!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-12-07
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