Hello Mr. life coach
I often feel confused about how I feel when I'm with different people that I meet.
So I wonder what is real friendship? How do I know we are real friends?
Grateful for an answer to my question here.
Mariam
Hi Miriam
It is easy to be pompous and a little romantic strung when you talk about friendship.
Perhaps you're thinking that true friends are those who, like just take you. You can pick up where you left off, though you have not seen for several months. And when you first met, I knew both of you at once that just the two of you would become good friends ...
It may be just such exaggerated expectations of friendship behind you actually feel rather lonely today ...
Lillian B Rubin, American social psychologist and psychotherapist based in San Francisco, is a world renowned expert on friendship. She hits a happy kind of "everyday friendship", as we have with colleagues at work, or with a workout buddy as we jump in pace with. "All these people that we are a bit conciliatory call 'familiar' also has a great value in life," she says.
Familiarize living is as important as soul mates
Actually, we should not compare them with each other or the rate much. We simply need all kinds of friends. Many times, every-day relations develop into a more intimate friendship relationship later. Some friendships will take several years to mature up, but could then, on the other hand, keeping the longer, perhaps for life.
Hard to know if one's friends "for real"
Complicating friendships is that it is quite difficult to know if they really have become friends or not.
When Lillian B Rubin did interviews and followed up friendships threads across acquaintance circuits, so she discovered that the entire 64 percent not at all mentioned the person they themselves had said was their best or close friend. 64% of your friends see you, maybe not as a friend at all. Horrible thought!
Should we go back to the primitive of friendship and require mixed blood and two tightly compressed thumbs? Or is it perhaps time to see the friendship in a new way? Perhaps as a mood we are in, and that no other more than we can tell whether it is genuine or not?
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And
You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-08
2016-09-07
2016-09-06
Wisdom words and quotes of: Attack is the best defense
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Attack is the best defense |
Attack is the best defense.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-05
2016-09-02
2016-09-01
Do you feel alone? Here are 4 reasons to loneliness, and 5 strategies against loneliness for you
Hi coach
I feel so lonely.
I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.
I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.
Richard
Hi Richard
Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.
What exactly is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.
Social loneliness
Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.
Emotional loneliness
Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.
The causes of loneliness
Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:
1. Deficiencies in relationships
Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).
2. Change in the relationships
Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.
3. You see yourself as a single person
If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".
4. Lack of social skills
Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.
Strategies to deal with loneliness
Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:
1. Make a rational analysis
Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).
2. Stop blame personal characteristics
Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.
3. Make positive to other people
You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.
4. Re-evaluate your loneliness
Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.
5. Focus on friendship rather than love
Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.
Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.
And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I feel so lonely.
I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.
I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.
Richard
Hi Richard
Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.
What exactly is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.
Social loneliness
Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.
Emotional loneliness
Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.
The causes of loneliness
Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:
1. Deficiencies in relationships
Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).
2. Change in the relationships
Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.
3. You see yourself as a single person
If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".
4. Lack of social skills
Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.
Strategies to deal with loneliness
Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:
1. Make a rational analysis
Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).
2. Stop blame personal characteristics
Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.
3. Make positive to other people
You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.
4. Re-evaluate your loneliness
Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.
5. Focus on friendship rather than love
Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.
Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.
And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-31
2016-08-30
Wisdom words and quotes of: All that glitters is not gold
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All that glitters is not gold |
All that glitters is not gold.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-29
2016-08-26
2016-08-25
How do I know if I have a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Hello life coach
I wonder if I suffer from low self-esteem.
It is often that I get anxious and have difficulty to get started and get things done, and this is because I do not dare or even bothered to take hold of them.
I do not think I will manage to do it, and therefore I avoid completely to make them instead, and this is not to expose myself to them. And I often blame that there is nothing I need to do or want to do, etc.
Plus I find it very difficult to get to me when I get compliments, and I hate cameras and also suffer mirror phobia because I do not like myself.
Do you think this is due to a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Thanks in advance for your answer to my question.
Donald
Hi Donald
Based on your question, and as you enter you have trouble to find for you the compliments, hate cameras and suffering mirror phobia.
So here is a list of 10 signs you could have and suffer, if you have low self-esteem
1. Last time you walked past a mirror was your first thought is "But what's a horrible picture?"
2. Any tags you in ten pictures on Facebook. You have a ready template to copy claiming that reads "Please delete all the pictures of me, I'm so ugly."
3. Watching someone at you and says "I like you" is your first thought is always "How can you like me anyway?".
4. If someone on the subway looking at you and smiling at you, spin you around and always look for the person checked on someone behind you, or similar.
5. Does anyone out a camera, so you hiding directly like a ghost behind a corner.
6. Gives you a compliment, you never answer "thank you", but always with some kind of statement that the person's observations do not match.
7. Someone says "God, what a pretty dress!" and you say "Oh this old H & M cloth. Yes, I'm so fat, so I will not be in my other clothes anymore."
8. Your partner for four years, writing "I love you sweetie." Your answer: "Have you sent the wrong?"
9. If someone says, "God, how good looking you are today, but, oh, you have something in your hair" is this comment all you remember the sentence.
Answer Yes or correct more than half of these points to you. So you are suffering from and have low self-esteem.
But as luck is that you can do something about your low self-esteem, and you can read more about here.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I wonder if I suffer from low self-esteem.
It is often that I get anxious and have difficulty to get started and get things done, and this is because I do not dare or even bothered to take hold of them.
I do not think I will manage to do it, and therefore I avoid completely to make them instead, and this is not to expose myself to them. And I often blame that there is nothing I need to do or want to do, etc.
Plus I find it very difficult to get to me when I get compliments, and I hate cameras and also suffer mirror phobia because I do not like myself.
Do you think this is due to a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Thanks in advance for your answer to my question.
Donald
Hi Donald
Based on your question, and as you enter you have trouble to find for you the compliments, hate cameras and suffering mirror phobia.
So here is a list of 10 signs you could have and suffer, if you have low self-esteem
1. Last time you walked past a mirror was your first thought is "But what's a horrible picture?"
2. Any tags you in ten pictures on Facebook. You have a ready template to copy claiming that reads "Please delete all the pictures of me, I'm so ugly."
3. Watching someone at you and says "I like you" is your first thought is always "How can you like me anyway?".
4. If someone on the subway looking at you and smiling at you, spin you around and always look for the person checked on someone behind you, or similar.
5. Does anyone out a camera, so you hiding directly like a ghost behind a corner.
6. Gives you a compliment, you never answer "thank you", but always with some kind of statement that the person's observations do not match.
7. Someone says "God, what a pretty dress!" and you say "Oh this old H & M cloth. Yes, I'm so fat, so I will not be in my other clothes anymore."
8. Your partner for four years, writing "I love you sweetie." Your answer: "Have you sent the wrong?"
9. If someone says, "God, how good looking you are today, but, oh, you have something in your hair" is this comment all you remember the sentence.
Answer Yes or correct more than half of these points to you. So you are suffering from and have low self-esteem.
But as luck is that you can do something about your low self-esteem, and you can read more about here.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-24
2016-08-23
Wisdom words and quotes of: All roads lead back home to your self
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All roads lead back home |
All roads lead back home to your self.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-22
2016-08-19
2016-08-18
I have a very low self-esteem, and what can I do about this and to get a better sense of self?
Hi Coach
I have a very poor self-esteem that allows me to work there on a work year after year, and I do not feel comfortable with.
I seek and will enter other good courses. But not begin because I do not think I'll do it. This leads all the time that I then remain in the same job, and I do not feel comfortable with, and then I feel bad because of it. How can I break this pattern, coach?
Linn
Hi Linn!
You do not want your bad self confidence will turn you inside, as it has done to date in many ways. You want to find new ways to behave in, and dare more.
Let me start by reason of what a lack of confidence and self-esteem is that state, and we'll see how much you recognize you.
Poor self-esteem is all about how hard you are performing, you feel unsatisfied. You "are" their performance. Low self-esteem on the other hand means to be judgmental toward yourself, and do not put any value on itself. Low self-esteem determines how we function in daily life and has a great impact on many areas of life.
From what you describe in your letter I understand that it is best for your self-esteem as it is about. Therefore, I will dwell on it.
A person with low self-esteem have a low opinion of himself, and put great emphasis on their weaknesses and shortcomings, but not their strengths and resources, and are explicitly self-critical.
Low self-esteem is also reflected in the behavior. A person with low self-esteem have lost their needs or their opinion, has an apologetic attitude, avoiding not only challenges, but all with the danger of being judged. You worry about being exposed as a fake. It is hard to believe that what is successful depends on the skill and knowledge. In relationship to the environment is one shy and hypersensitive to criticism. It can go so far as to pull away from contact and closeness. Opposite behaviors are, where they try to hide their insecurity by always behave confidently and calmly.
Bad experience often leads to low self-esteem. Based on the experience it has gained a critical understanding of himself, and the life. Experiences that may have contributed to a poor self-esteem is not having met the parents or peers requirements and perceived as "odd" in the family or at school, and that seldom have received praise, warmth and interest from its surroundings.
Do you recognize yourself? Low self-esteem is a way of thinking and behaving that in many ways is learned from an early age, but you can find ways to break with. However, let me also alert you to low self-esteem can sometimes be an element of a depression, or long-lasting problems with anxiety. If this applies to you is an efficient solution that you seek treatment for the primary problem.
You can also try on their own to find ways to break your learned circles for how you think and behave. You can say that you can begin to train you in getting a better sense of self by thinking and doing the opposite. How?
Try out this exercise (steps go a little into each other, but I describe it in stages for it to become more transparent).
Step 1. Become more attuned to the situations in which your bad self esteem strikes. Explore the thoughts, feelings and ethics that govern your actions when you want to start an education and then decide not to do it. We can call them your risk situations for acute low self-esteem. Write down the thoughts, feelings and ethics that you get in these situations.
Step 2. Next, you explore the plausibility of the thought, feeling or living rule that triggered your acute lack of self-esteem, and that is an obstacle to doing what you really want to do. A person with poor self-esteem can be based on their experiences have taught negative automatic thoughts, feelings, or maxims, such as: I will never let anyone see my true self, or it is better not to do something than to fail. It is of course difficult to live and come into its own with this kind of learned rules.
Ask yourself questions that will help you explore how these thoughts and maxims have come into your life. Would you, today, live from what those rules of life and express thoughts? How would a more loving thought or rule of life to let?
Remember that as an adult it is you who choose your own ethics. You may choose new precepts, and prepare yourself to be in situations that you would normally avoid. The aim is to making new adult experience shows that you can do more than what you think about.
Remember! To be an adult is to learn to live with their vulnerability and not get rid of it.
Step 3. Do what you want to do in the situation, encouraged by your new, more loving and tolerant thoughts and maxims. Use this way every day for eight weeks, and then evaluate how it has helped you become more attuned to how you "fooled" by your learned negative thoughts, feelings and ethics of yourself, and have been able to do more of what you want. Please continue for a long time to do this if you find that it helps you break the pattern you describe in your letter.
Step 4. Clarify for yourself what your goals are, both in everyday life and in the longer term to change jobs. Think about your values: What is important to you in your life? Please write them down. Read what you wrote down carefully, and ask you what you want to do in the next few weeks, and eventually, to get in tune with what you value. How can your values help you take the first step in being able for example to change jobs? The idea of my questions is that you let your values govern you and give you strength, for example, dare to start the training you want to bet on.
Step 5. To initiate a change usually arouse anxiety, fear and other negative emotions. Remind you then that our negative thoughts and feelings are the result of our past experiences. Not infrequently, they warn us of the dangers we have experienced in the past, but that is not always true today. They are not always true. This you will discover more and more clearly as you do the exercises above, and no longer let your fears control what you do. It is about learning to live with your fears and do what is important to you in life today.
You can surf over your fear of doing what you want to do by having as a supportive self-talk that this is just overly critical thoughts or my old fears. I do not believe in, or let myself be guided by them. I can let them be within me, while I do what I want anyway.
Warm greetings and good luck Linn!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have a very poor self-esteem that allows me to work there on a work year after year, and I do not feel comfortable with.
I seek and will enter other good courses. But not begin because I do not think I'll do it. This leads all the time that I then remain in the same job, and I do not feel comfortable with, and then I feel bad because of it. How can I break this pattern, coach?
Linn
Hi Linn!
You do not want your bad self confidence will turn you inside, as it has done to date in many ways. You want to find new ways to behave in, and dare more.
Let me start by reason of what a lack of confidence and self-esteem is that state, and we'll see how much you recognize you.
Poor self-esteem is all about how hard you are performing, you feel unsatisfied. You "are" their performance. Low self-esteem on the other hand means to be judgmental toward yourself, and do not put any value on itself. Low self-esteem determines how we function in daily life and has a great impact on many areas of life.
From what you describe in your letter I understand that it is best for your self-esteem as it is about. Therefore, I will dwell on it.
A person with low self-esteem have a low opinion of himself, and put great emphasis on their weaknesses and shortcomings, but not their strengths and resources, and are explicitly self-critical.
Low self-esteem is also reflected in the behavior. A person with low self-esteem have lost their needs or their opinion, has an apologetic attitude, avoiding not only challenges, but all with the danger of being judged. You worry about being exposed as a fake. It is hard to believe that what is successful depends on the skill and knowledge. In relationship to the environment is one shy and hypersensitive to criticism. It can go so far as to pull away from contact and closeness. Opposite behaviors are, where they try to hide their insecurity by always behave confidently and calmly.
Bad experience often leads to low self-esteem. Based on the experience it has gained a critical understanding of himself, and the life. Experiences that may have contributed to a poor self-esteem is not having met the parents or peers requirements and perceived as "odd" in the family or at school, and that seldom have received praise, warmth and interest from its surroundings.
Do you recognize yourself? Low self-esteem is a way of thinking and behaving that in many ways is learned from an early age, but you can find ways to break with. However, let me also alert you to low self-esteem can sometimes be an element of a depression, or long-lasting problems with anxiety. If this applies to you is an efficient solution that you seek treatment for the primary problem.
You can also try on their own to find ways to break your learned circles for how you think and behave. You can say that you can begin to train you in getting a better sense of self by thinking and doing the opposite. How?
Try out this exercise (steps go a little into each other, but I describe it in stages for it to become more transparent).
Step 1. Become more attuned to the situations in which your bad self esteem strikes. Explore the thoughts, feelings and ethics that govern your actions when you want to start an education and then decide not to do it. We can call them your risk situations for acute low self-esteem. Write down the thoughts, feelings and ethics that you get in these situations.
Step 2. Next, you explore the plausibility of the thought, feeling or living rule that triggered your acute lack of self-esteem, and that is an obstacle to doing what you really want to do. A person with poor self-esteem can be based on their experiences have taught negative automatic thoughts, feelings, or maxims, such as: I will never let anyone see my true self, or it is better not to do something than to fail. It is of course difficult to live and come into its own with this kind of learned rules.
Ask yourself questions that will help you explore how these thoughts and maxims have come into your life. Would you, today, live from what those rules of life and express thoughts? How would a more loving thought or rule of life to let?
Remember that as an adult it is you who choose your own ethics. You may choose new precepts, and prepare yourself to be in situations that you would normally avoid. The aim is to making new adult experience shows that you can do more than what you think about.
Remember! To be an adult is to learn to live with their vulnerability and not get rid of it.
Step 3. Do what you want to do in the situation, encouraged by your new, more loving and tolerant thoughts and maxims. Use this way every day for eight weeks, and then evaluate how it has helped you become more attuned to how you "fooled" by your learned negative thoughts, feelings and ethics of yourself, and have been able to do more of what you want. Please continue for a long time to do this if you find that it helps you break the pattern you describe in your letter.
Step 4. Clarify for yourself what your goals are, both in everyday life and in the longer term to change jobs. Think about your values: What is important to you in your life? Please write them down. Read what you wrote down carefully, and ask you what you want to do in the next few weeks, and eventually, to get in tune with what you value. How can your values help you take the first step in being able for example to change jobs? The idea of my questions is that you let your values govern you and give you strength, for example, dare to start the training you want to bet on.
Step 5. To initiate a change usually arouse anxiety, fear and other negative emotions. Remind you then that our negative thoughts and feelings are the result of our past experiences. Not infrequently, they warn us of the dangers we have experienced in the past, but that is not always true today. They are not always true. This you will discover more and more clearly as you do the exercises above, and no longer let your fears control what you do. It is about learning to live with your fears and do what is important to you in life today.
You can surf over your fear of doing what you want to do by having as a supportive self-talk that this is just overly critical thoughts or my old fears. I do not believe in, or let myself be guided by them. I can let them be within me, while I do what I want anyway.
Warm greetings and good luck Linn!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-17
2016-08-16
Wisdom words and quotes of: Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one |
Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-15
2016-08-12
2016-08-11
Why is it, and I have so difficult to make decisions and be satisfied with them afterwards, and can not stop to dwell and brood over my already made decisions?
Hello Coach
I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.
I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.
My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.
For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.
But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.
Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.
Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.
I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.
Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?
Sincerely
Jonny
Hi Johnny
Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.
- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.
He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.
- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.
The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.
- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.
Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.
It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.
- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.
That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.
- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.
Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.
- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.
Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.
Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.
- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.
He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.
Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.
- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.
When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.
- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.
Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.
- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.
Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.
- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.
Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.
- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.
7 advice when something is to be determined are:
I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.
I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.
My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.
For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.
But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.
Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.
Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.
I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.
Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?
Sincerely
Jonny
Hi Johnny
Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.
- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.
He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.
- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.
The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.
- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.
Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.
It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.
- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.
That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.
- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.
Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.
- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.
Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.
Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.
- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.
He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.
Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.
- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.
When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.
- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.
Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.
- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.
Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.
- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.
Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.
- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.
7 advice when something is to be determined are:
- Do not make a decision.
- See the decision-making process as an opportunity.
- Lay not on too much information.
- Do not go around and ponder and dwell on a decision.
- The goal can not be to everyone happy.
- Keep in mind that there is no absolute right decision.
- Be prepared to correct the decision.
I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-10
2016-08-09
Wisdom words and quotes of: All good things are three.
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All good things are three. |
All good things are three.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-08
2016-08-05
2016-08-04
Why I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life?
Hi health psychologist
My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.
Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.
Mark
Hi Mark
Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.
An example
"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "
When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.
- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.
Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.
Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.
- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.
That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:
- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.
At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.
- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.
He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.
- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.
Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.
- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.
- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.
- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.
Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.
The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.
- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.
- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).
- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.
But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?
- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.
Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.
For example:
Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.
Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.
"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.
It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.
Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!
Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio
Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.
For example:
Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.
Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.
Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.
Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.
Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.
Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.
Mark
Hi Mark
Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.
An example
"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "
When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.
- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.
Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.
Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.
- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.
That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:
- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.
At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.
- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.
He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.
- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.
Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.
- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.
- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.
- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.
Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.
The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.
- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.
- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).
- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.
But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?
- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.
Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.
For example:
Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.
Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.
"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.
It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.
Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!
Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio
Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.
For example:
Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.
Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.
Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.
Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.
Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-03
2016-08-02
Wisdom words and quotes of: We are all children at the beginning
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: We are all children at the beginning |
Wisdom words and quotes of:
We are all children at the beginning
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-01
2016-07-29
2016-07-28
How do I stop wondering and dwelling on all my different concerns and problems that I have, and I am now constantly worry and think about?
Hello life coach
I am an expert in brood over and dwell on different things that kind.
I would have chosen the other pants? Did she think I seemed stupid for saying that? Head cheered on me this morning, I get fired now?
Do you have any good tips on how you can and I will end up with this?
Lira
Hi Lira
The living brooding may seem quite innocent but research shows that it can bring with it a whole pile boring side effects. The negative feelings that create turmoil is likely to deepen and last longer when they are constantly reinforced by tanks, says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who for many years conducted research on self-focused brooding. Both the ability and motivation to solve problems instead of just thinking about them liable to deteriorate and it becomes difficult to concentrate.
But with the right tools and a little practice you can learn to clear away the worry and rumination out of your mind river. It will give you more power and energy, stronger belief in yourself and a better well-being!
Here are 15 tips on how you can end up having to brood and dwell on and worry:
1. If you are brooding over things you can not do anything about - use the rubber band trick. Put a rubber band around your wrist and pull to release it and every time you think the meaningless thoughts. That way you will both reminded not to do it and you notice how often you do it that does not really do any good so you can stop it.
2. Release the things you can not change or influence. Concentrate on what you can change or influence.
3. How good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Thats how it is.
4. Stop caring so much about how you feel. How do you feel the way you feel. It will soon pass. What you think is what you are thinking. It will soon disappear too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, that you feel and what you're thinking, that you think. Since you can not stop yourself from thinking and feeling so there is no point to care about that stuff. It's just what you do that you can control. Continue to do good things.
5. Force yourself to stop worrying. Concerns only makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. Once you are set to find the first sign of trouble, you will very soon find something that is related to what you are worried about.
6. Get quiet on the commentator in the head. If you want to be happy, stop say to yourself that you are unhappy. People are constantly talking about for themselves how they feel, what they think and what others think of them. Most of it is pure imagination, and the rest is equally lies and misunderstandings. You really understand just a little of what others think about you and they do not think of you as much as you think. They think about what others think about them.
7. Note your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Whatever you do, someone else will do it better. How bad you are, there are always those who are worse off. Compete against yourself and was the best you can be.
8. Drop the debt, you know. The reason is simple: Debt does not change anything at all. It makes you feel responsible, but produces nothing new in your life. If you feel guilty for something you did, correct it or accept that you screwed up and do not do it again. Then release it. If you feel guilty for something that someone else has done, seek help.
9. Do not drink alcohol when you are angry, sad or have to rush off. Take a brisk walk or a jog instead.
10. Stop worry about what other people say about you. Wicked people can not make you angry. Nice people can not make you happy. Events and people are just events and people.They can not make you anything. You must do this yourself. What emotions than the one brought up by outside events, they are powerless to picking them up and decide what they do with you. In addition, other people much more concerned to think about what you think about them than to think of you.
11. Stop doing immoral things just because you can do them. Start by being honest with yourself and others. Do not cheat, be faithful, be kind. Do the right thing. It gives you a lot less complicated life.
12. Stop complaining and worry. Begin to focus on the things you can control and do something about them. Those who complain most in this world are those that provide the least. And when you worry, you use your imagination to create things you do not want.
13. Do not be so dramatic. Spend less time gossiping about problems and more time to help yourself and others to solve them. Stay away from other people over dramatization and not create their own similar situations.
14. Do not blame others. Take responsibility for what happens in your life. Blaming others provide exactly zero results and extends only your suffering. Whether you own your problems or they own you. It's your choice. When you blame others for what you are going through so you deny your responsibility and give up the power over your own life. Have you thought about that?
15. Do not lie to yourself. You can lie to anyone in the world before you are lying to yourself. Our life can only get better when we take chances and the first and most important opportunity is to be honest with himself.
Something to think about - and for you to work with to get a good life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I am an expert in brood over and dwell on different things that kind.
I would have chosen the other pants? Did she think I seemed stupid for saying that? Head cheered on me this morning, I get fired now?
Do you have any good tips on how you can and I will end up with this?
Lira
Hi Lira
The living brooding may seem quite innocent but research shows that it can bring with it a whole pile boring side effects. The negative feelings that create turmoil is likely to deepen and last longer when they are constantly reinforced by tanks, says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, who for many years conducted research on self-focused brooding. Both the ability and motivation to solve problems instead of just thinking about them liable to deteriorate and it becomes difficult to concentrate.
But with the right tools and a little practice you can learn to clear away the worry and rumination out of your mind river. It will give you more power and energy, stronger belief in yourself and a better well-being!
Here are 15 tips on how you can end up having to brood and dwell on and worry:
1. If you are brooding over things you can not do anything about - use the rubber band trick. Put a rubber band around your wrist and pull to release it and every time you think the meaningless thoughts. That way you will both reminded not to do it and you notice how often you do it that does not really do any good so you can stop it.
2. Release the things you can not change or influence. Concentrate on what you can change or influence.
3. How good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Thats how it is.
4. Stop caring so much about how you feel. How do you feel the way you feel. It will soon pass. What you think is what you are thinking. It will soon disappear too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, that you feel and what you're thinking, that you think. Since you can not stop yourself from thinking and feeling so there is no point to care about that stuff. It's just what you do that you can control. Continue to do good things.
5. Force yourself to stop worrying. Concerns only makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. Once you are set to find the first sign of trouble, you will very soon find something that is related to what you are worried about.
6. Get quiet on the commentator in the head. If you want to be happy, stop say to yourself that you are unhappy. People are constantly talking about for themselves how they feel, what they think and what others think of them. Most of it is pure imagination, and the rest is equally lies and misunderstandings. You really understand just a little of what others think about you and they do not think of you as much as you think. They think about what others think about them.
7. Note your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Whatever you do, someone else will do it better. How bad you are, there are always those who are worse off. Compete against yourself and was the best you can be.
8. Drop the debt, you know. The reason is simple: Debt does not change anything at all. It makes you feel responsible, but produces nothing new in your life. If you feel guilty for something you did, correct it or accept that you screwed up and do not do it again. Then release it. If you feel guilty for something that someone else has done, seek help.
9. Do not drink alcohol when you are angry, sad or have to rush off. Take a brisk walk or a jog instead.
10. Stop worry about what other people say about you. Wicked people can not make you angry. Nice people can not make you happy. Events and people are just events and people.They can not make you anything. You must do this yourself. What emotions than the one brought up by outside events, they are powerless to picking them up and decide what they do with you. In addition, other people much more concerned to think about what you think about them than to think of you.
11. Stop doing immoral things just because you can do them. Start by being honest with yourself and others. Do not cheat, be faithful, be kind. Do the right thing. It gives you a lot less complicated life.
12. Stop complaining and worry. Begin to focus on the things you can control and do something about them. Those who complain most in this world are those that provide the least. And when you worry, you use your imagination to create things you do not want.
13. Do not be so dramatic. Spend less time gossiping about problems and more time to help yourself and others to solve them. Stay away from other people over dramatization and not create their own similar situations.
14. Do not blame others. Take responsibility for what happens in your life. Blaming others provide exactly zero results and extends only your suffering. Whether you own your problems or they own you. It's your choice. When you blame others for what you are going through so you deny your responsibility and give up the power over your own life. Have you thought about that?
15. Do not lie to yourself. You can lie to anyone in the world before you are lying to yourself. Our life can only get better when we take chances and the first and most important opportunity is to be honest with himself.
Something to think about - and for you to work with to get a good life.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-27
2016-07-26
Wisdom words and quotes of: That and those that make you angry will control you
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: That and those that make you angry will control you |
That and those that make you angry will control you
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-25
2016-07-22
2016-07-21
How do I stop dwelling on that I do not have a partner?
Hi coach
I am a soon 23 year old woman who just started a university education. My "problem" may sound trite, but I find it very debilitating. Briefly, I spend an awful lot of my time to dwell on that I never had a boyfriend and worry that I will never get anywhere.
I go from blaming myself, to feel "abnormal" and unattractive, being self-pitying, etc., to feel the sheer panic that I will never fall in love and have a relationship. I realize how ridiculous it is, and I will certainly meet with somebody, it's only a matter of time, etc., but then I continue to brood and brood. My brooding can ruin a whole day for me and make me miserable, distracted, unsociable and taciturn. I become bitter and jealous when I see couples, and feel like everyone in my age either have, or have had, a relationship.
For about half a year ago I was depressed and then be this brooding most focused that I had never had sex. It went so far that I drank myself blind drunk, went out at the pub, and followed the first best thing to home. Was feeling after this horribly bad !! My obsession at this point becomes even stronger when I've been drinking, and I'm afraid that I can do something I'll regret again in a drunken state.
I want to know how to get rid of these "obsessions" and stop seeing myself as "abnormal". Do not know if this pondering really has to do with poor self-esteem or confirmation needs.
Grateful for answers and good advice on how I can get help with this!
Mira
Hi Mira
Thank you for your question. You talk about your dwelling and brooding, and when you do, you describe a very common human behavior.
Let's start here. You wonder what ältande really is. The psychologist Olle Wadström describes in the book Stop dwelling and pondering in a concrete and instructive how dwelling works and how to overcome it with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you to read the book as self-help.
Dwellings thoughts. Our dwelling is often futile attempts to find answers to questions you can not answer. It is sometimes also our way of thinking trying to protect us from anxiety or an anxiety that we have. We dwell happily also things that we think is embarrassing to ask about or talk about.
You wonder if ältande's "obsessions" and if it is with "low self esteem" to do. What we do know is that psychological state as obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder often have elements of persistently ältande and brooding. Dwelling is a way to try to convince yourself and find clarity and calmness to feel better.
Dwelling consists of two types of tanks that switches from one another in a stream of thoughts. One kind of thoughts are those of concern and unease. They act as "scarers" and is known as the uneasiness thoughts. They are followed by the other type of tanks. They have the function to try to eliminate uneasiness, uncertainty, doubt and discomfort caused. The tanks are called "comforting thoughts." They provide a calm, but only for brief moments. They are not effective enough and the turmoil will come pretty soon.
Olle Wadström uses in his book metaphor to dwelling is the brain's "tennis". When one side beats of a scary thought, then returns the other hand, a comforting thought, and every time a thought comes across on the other side to turn it back. The game can continue indefinitely.
What can we do to stop dwelling? When you feel discomfort, it is our human instinct to act to get rid of it. If we continue to see dwelling as a tennis match, so the solution is not to turn the ball back when uneasiness page has been serviced. Disinclination page will continue to beat serves a while, but when the consolation side does not hit back taking servers out and the game ends.
The technique used to achieve this is called acceptance. You have probably heard of acceptance. It is a way of relating to unwanted and unpleasant thoughts and feelings that are part of the psychotherapeutic method called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT. It's about that as a positive action chooses to accept the discomfort you feel and do not act on it, but chooses to behave based on what favors the short and long term. You can read more about how to do this at the behavioral level, and other tools to break his dwelling in Olle Wadström book. You can of course also choose to go into psychotherapy with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who teaches the ACT.
I want to give you some further reflections to consider. One way to act in a direction that may be helpful for you might be to be even more in the context where you can meet a man. Think happy on the social context in which it can be. How much interest you show when you meet a man you will find sympathetic and exciting? What signals about this, you might be even better at signaling?
And one last reflection. In times of anxiety and depression, it may be wise to avoid self-care as regularly drinking large amounts of alcohol, especially binge drinking. Alcohol can affect the function of the brain's reward system and the breakdown of neurotransmitters in the brain in a way that depression and anxiety are amplified in the long term. Especially in periods of life when one is vulnerable and are working to change his life, it might be wise to be cautious with alcohol.
And I hope my answers will be helpful for you!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I am a soon 23 year old woman who just started a university education. My "problem" may sound trite, but I find it very debilitating. Briefly, I spend an awful lot of my time to dwell on that I never had a boyfriend and worry that I will never get anywhere.
I go from blaming myself, to feel "abnormal" and unattractive, being self-pitying, etc., to feel the sheer panic that I will never fall in love and have a relationship. I realize how ridiculous it is, and I will certainly meet with somebody, it's only a matter of time, etc., but then I continue to brood and brood. My brooding can ruin a whole day for me and make me miserable, distracted, unsociable and taciturn. I become bitter and jealous when I see couples, and feel like everyone in my age either have, or have had, a relationship.
For about half a year ago I was depressed and then be this brooding most focused that I had never had sex. It went so far that I drank myself blind drunk, went out at the pub, and followed the first best thing to home. Was feeling after this horribly bad !! My obsession at this point becomes even stronger when I've been drinking, and I'm afraid that I can do something I'll regret again in a drunken state.
I want to know how to get rid of these "obsessions" and stop seeing myself as "abnormal". Do not know if this pondering really has to do with poor self-esteem or confirmation needs.
Grateful for answers and good advice on how I can get help with this!
Mira
Hi Mira
Thank you for your question. You talk about your dwelling and brooding, and when you do, you describe a very common human behavior.
Let's start here. You wonder what ältande really is. The psychologist Olle Wadström describes in the book Stop dwelling and pondering in a concrete and instructive how dwelling works and how to overcome it with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you to read the book as self-help.
Dwellings thoughts. Our dwelling is often futile attempts to find answers to questions you can not answer. It is sometimes also our way of thinking trying to protect us from anxiety or an anxiety that we have. We dwell happily also things that we think is embarrassing to ask about or talk about.
You wonder if ältande's "obsessions" and if it is with "low self esteem" to do. What we do know is that psychological state as obsessive compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder often have elements of persistently ältande and brooding. Dwelling is a way to try to convince yourself and find clarity and calmness to feel better.
Dwelling consists of two types of tanks that switches from one another in a stream of thoughts. One kind of thoughts are those of concern and unease. They act as "scarers" and is known as the uneasiness thoughts. They are followed by the other type of tanks. They have the function to try to eliminate uneasiness, uncertainty, doubt and discomfort caused. The tanks are called "comforting thoughts." They provide a calm, but only for brief moments. They are not effective enough and the turmoil will come pretty soon.
Olle Wadström uses in his book metaphor to dwelling is the brain's "tennis". When one side beats of a scary thought, then returns the other hand, a comforting thought, and every time a thought comes across on the other side to turn it back. The game can continue indefinitely.
What can we do to stop dwelling? When you feel discomfort, it is our human instinct to act to get rid of it. If we continue to see dwelling as a tennis match, so the solution is not to turn the ball back when uneasiness page has been serviced. Disinclination page will continue to beat serves a while, but when the consolation side does not hit back taking servers out and the game ends.
The technique used to achieve this is called acceptance. You have probably heard of acceptance. It is a way of relating to unwanted and unpleasant thoughts and feelings that are part of the psychotherapeutic method called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT. It's about that as a positive action chooses to accept the discomfort you feel and do not act on it, but chooses to behave based on what favors the short and long term. You can read more about how to do this at the behavioral level, and other tools to break his dwelling in Olle Wadström book. You can of course also choose to go into psychotherapy with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who teaches the ACT.
I want to give you some further reflections to consider. One way to act in a direction that may be helpful for you might be to be even more in the context where you can meet a man. Think happy on the social context in which it can be. How much interest you show when you meet a man you will find sympathetic and exciting? What signals about this, you might be even better at signaling?
And one last reflection. In times of anxiety and depression, it may be wise to avoid self-care as regularly drinking large amounts of alcohol, especially binge drinking. Alcohol can affect the function of the brain's reward system and the breakdown of neurotransmitters in the brain in a way that depression and anxiety are amplified in the long term. Especially in periods of life when one is vulnerable and are working to change his life, it might be wise to be cautious with alcohol.
And I hope my answers will be helpful for you!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-20
2016-07-19
Wisdom words and quotes of: Do not waste your time on getting people to love you Spending time with those who already love you
 |
| Do not waste your time on getting people to love you Spending time with those who already love you |
Do not waste your time on getting people to love you
Spending time with those who already love you
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-18
2016-07-15
2016-07-14
How and what can I do to a wound not be opened up again every fall and winter of grief for my dead parents?
Hi Coach
I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.
Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.
In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.Hi Coach
I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.
Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.
In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.
I get destructive thoughts but has a social context around it so that I can handle them. It may be more about: "Think how nice it would be if I was involved in an accident so I had to be looked after," or "hope dad is waiting for me, because I'm not ready to die yet."
When I was younger, I tried to tear myself with nails. Teenage outbreaks could do so that I ripped and tore at my hair. I also cried out loud that I wanted the mother would take me, and all of us to psych. A cry for help: please help me to get in touch with someone I can talk to. But it was dismissed with reference to the stigma that is still going to psych. Or that our problems were not so serious.
Now I'm 26. Working life and active leisure keeps me going. I have been a quiet workplace so now I feel that I can focus on the grief for a while. How can you do? What can trigger me cry. For it would be so nice?
But what should I do to not have hurt so much that I have sometimes? So much that I'm shaking inside - when I allow myself.
At the moment I made contact with a pastor, I feel confident. Partly because he could see me right immediately. Partly because it is free and a good start to maybe start talking about it that hurts. Evil will always remain inside?
Dad's last Christmas he was sick, it was not my dad who had leave then, he was not the same. He died a few weeks later.
Do I have to accept that it will do so this hurts the rest of my life? Is there nothing I can do to make it hurt less?
Grateful for the help and good advice from you life coach!
Sarah
Hi Sarah
You should consult a psychologist for therapy in order to process your grief for your father. So here, 15 years later, it should not have to do so much and be as painful as it is for you. Did you get help when you were a child, to process the grief it had not been so. Then you had been able to remember your father and feel differently than you do today. It is true that you probably felt a regret, but the pain you feel now suggesting that your grief is stuck and hung.
How can it be when for some reason not given the opportunity to mourn. As you describe it, there was no one who understood how you felt, and thus you got no help. Grief is a process that often can see.
When the awful happens usually end up in shock and not able to take in what has happened. Then the reaction phase where it reacts in a variety of ways. Then release the shock and you feel. Then follows a time of processing and finally begin to find a way to work again despite - and with - it has happened.
A child whose parent dies, usually need support to deal with the infinitely great regret that means a beloved parent leaves the child. Maybe you had none at all to talk to? Maybe your mother is not available to you? You tried to attract attention but was off whisk that it would be shameful to seek help.
It is nevertheless remarkable that your mother or other adults in your neighborhood did not understand to help you with your great sorrow. And if your mom and others around themselves were busy with their own grief had really wished that your call-to-help attempts later had been taken seriously. But that was sadly not.
Now you are 26 years old and adult enough to take your frozen grief seriously. Find a life coach or a psychologist / psychotherapist. You can ask for with your family doctor where to turn to you, or find a livcoach on the internet like me here who can help you.
Wait no longer now, but make sure you get help.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.
Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.
In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.Hi Coach
I lost my father nine years old. And every fall / winter open my wound again. I bleed inside and do not know what I'm going to go.
Every year this time, I read books about grief, writes about dad, trying to process. I want to cry but I can not. It only hurts, and it has done so much for so long.
In spring and summer I can think off. But the autumn, with reflection and consideration.
I get destructive thoughts but has a social context around it so that I can handle them. It may be more about: "Think how nice it would be if I was involved in an accident so I had to be looked after," or "hope dad is waiting for me, because I'm not ready to die yet."
When I was younger, I tried to tear myself with nails. Teenage outbreaks could do so that I ripped and tore at my hair. I also cried out loud that I wanted the mother would take me, and all of us to psych. A cry for help: please help me to get in touch with someone I can talk to. But it was dismissed with reference to the stigma that is still going to psych. Or that our problems were not so serious.
Now I'm 26. Working life and active leisure keeps me going. I have been a quiet workplace so now I feel that I can focus on the grief for a while. How can you do? What can trigger me cry. For it would be so nice?
But what should I do to not have hurt so much that I have sometimes? So much that I'm shaking inside - when I allow myself.
At the moment I made contact with a pastor, I feel confident. Partly because he could see me right immediately. Partly because it is free and a good start to maybe start talking about it that hurts. Evil will always remain inside?
Dad's last Christmas he was sick, it was not my dad who had leave then, he was not the same. He died a few weeks later.
Do I have to accept that it will do so this hurts the rest of my life? Is there nothing I can do to make it hurt less?
Grateful for the help and good advice from you life coach!
Sarah
Hi Sarah
You should consult a psychologist for therapy in order to process your grief for your father. So here, 15 years later, it should not have to do so much and be as painful as it is for you. Did you get help when you were a child, to process the grief it had not been so. Then you had been able to remember your father and feel differently than you do today. It is true that you probably felt a regret, but the pain you feel now suggesting that your grief is stuck and hung.
How can it be when for some reason not given the opportunity to mourn. As you describe it, there was no one who understood how you felt, and thus you got no help. Grief is a process that often can see.
When the awful happens usually end up in shock and not able to take in what has happened. Then the reaction phase where it reacts in a variety of ways. Then release the shock and you feel. Then follows a time of processing and finally begin to find a way to work again despite - and with - it has happened.
A child whose parent dies, usually need support to deal with the infinitely great regret that means a beloved parent leaves the child. Maybe you had none at all to talk to? Maybe your mother is not available to you? You tried to attract attention but was off whisk that it would be shameful to seek help.
It is nevertheless remarkable that your mother or other adults in your neighborhood did not understand to help you with your great sorrow. And if your mom and others around themselves were busy with their own grief had really wished that your call-to-help attempts later had been taken seriously. But that was sadly not.
Now you are 26 years old and adult enough to take your frozen grief seriously. Find a life coach or a psychologist / psychotherapist. You can ask for with your family doctor where to turn to you, or find a livcoach on the internet like me here who can help you.
Wait no longer now, but make sure you get help.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-13
2016-07-12
Wisdom words and quotes of: You have to work for a change to take place So stop wishing and start doing it
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: You have to work for a change to take place So stop wishing and start doing it |
You have to work for a change to take place
So stop wishing and start doing it
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-11
2016-07-08
2016-07-07
What do I do when and if my parents are over-active on various social media such as Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, etc?
Hello life coach
I am a girl who is the center of my life, and now has a mother who is overactive in social media. In the beginning, I experienced it as funny that my mom found new ways to communicate with family and friends but it has totally derailed. She always phone currently picking diligently with it even when we have coffee and socialize. It's almost like she was competing to "like" the most.
We have always had a close relationship and have been able to share life's joys and sorrows. Mom has always respected my privacy and never intruded on my friends and colleagues - until she became active in social media. Now it's like that all latches released. She is everything I write, commenting on whatever topic and "like" everything I post. Often the mother in such a hurry to comment that she did not even read what it is about, this leads to strange comments and posts that are not relevant and that create tense atmosphere. It should be added that the mother can not really read the nuances of the language and ironic undertones. It often become just embarrassing.
I myself am not super active but would like to write more. I love to debate and discuss with my friends. Now I draw me to write because I know that it only takes a minute before mother "liked" or commented on.
My friends and other family has begun noticed this and it happens that when I write something or share a picture, wondering how long it will take this time before mamsen go.
On a few occasions I have tried to talk to my mom about this, but she does not seem to understand my waves. I really do not have to block her because I know how hurt she would be. It feels like this prevent me in my own life, I feel hunted.
We have discussed this at home but we do not know how to handle it. Mom has begun to follow my husband with almost the same frenzy. I myself have children in adulthood, active in social media. I commented only that dirrekt move our family, me or at such birthdays.
It has always been important to my kids have their own space, I penetrate me, but is there anyway. It's important to talk about, we face to face and not via social media. They have the right to discuss things with their friends, but I put myself in, the right to privacy. It has also, but I do not know how I'm going to get my mother to understand it?
With kind regards and many thanks in advance for your life coach.
Elisabeth
Hi Elisabeth
Your sense is that you are being chased by your mother. You feel that she indiscriminately follow you on social media and that she remotely loose folds of your life.
I read that you have tried to give your mother hints that you do not like this - but you have spoken to her and really explained how it is? That is to say that you strongly dislike and feel uncomfortable that she follows you and your spouse as she does?
She is over involved in your life and it becomes like an invasion to you / you. Your mother will be boundless and it feels uncomfortable for you.
The reasons that she is doing so this can be many. She is alone and she fills her life with interfering in your life and thus fill an emptiness? She feels outside contexts and through social media found a platform in which she perceives to be with and listen to? Has she become as absorbed and addicted to constantly be up to date with?
You have a close relationship, type, and therefore she might not understand that she crossed the border for what you feel comfortable with? She may feel that your close relationship just continues onto social media in place.
The best way to get this to end is to talk to your mom and tell you exactly how it feels to you and ask her to leave you in peace on social media.
You'll probably spend some time to explain to her exactly how you feel and why it's inconvenient for you. The clearer you are, the greater the opportunity for you to be alone.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I am a girl who is the center of my life, and now has a mother who is overactive in social media. In the beginning, I experienced it as funny that my mom found new ways to communicate with family and friends but it has totally derailed. She always phone currently picking diligently with it even when we have coffee and socialize. It's almost like she was competing to "like" the most.
We have always had a close relationship and have been able to share life's joys and sorrows. Mom has always respected my privacy and never intruded on my friends and colleagues - until she became active in social media. Now it's like that all latches released. She is everything I write, commenting on whatever topic and "like" everything I post. Often the mother in such a hurry to comment that she did not even read what it is about, this leads to strange comments and posts that are not relevant and that create tense atmosphere. It should be added that the mother can not really read the nuances of the language and ironic undertones. It often become just embarrassing.
I myself am not super active but would like to write more. I love to debate and discuss with my friends. Now I draw me to write because I know that it only takes a minute before mother "liked" or commented on.
My friends and other family has begun noticed this and it happens that when I write something or share a picture, wondering how long it will take this time before mamsen go.
On a few occasions I have tried to talk to my mom about this, but she does not seem to understand my waves. I really do not have to block her because I know how hurt she would be. It feels like this prevent me in my own life, I feel hunted.
We have discussed this at home but we do not know how to handle it. Mom has begun to follow my husband with almost the same frenzy. I myself have children in adulthood, active in social media. I commented only that dirrekt move our family, me or at such birthdays.
It has always been important to my kids have their own space, I penetrate me, but is there anyway. It's important to talk about, we face to face and not via social media. They have the right to discuss things with their friends, but I put myself in, the right to privacy. It has also, but I do not know how I'm going to get my mother to understand it?
With kind regards and many thanks in advance for your life coach.
Elisabeth
Hi Elisabeth
Your sense is that you are being chased by your mother. You feel that she indiscriminately follow you on social media and that she remotely loose folds of your life.
I read that you have tried to give your mother hints that you do not like this - but you have spoken to her and really explained how it is? That is to say that you strongly dislike and feel uncomfortable that she follows you and your spouse as she does?
She is over involved in your life and it becomes like an invasion to you / you. Your mother will be boundless and it feels uncomfortable for you.
The reasons that she is doing so this can be many. She is alone and she fills her life with interfering in your life and thus fill an emptiness? She feels outside contexts and through social media found a platform in which she perceives to be with and listen to? Has she become as absorbed and addicted to constantly be up to date with?
You have a close relationship, type, and therefore she might not understand that she crossed the border for what you feel comfortable with? She may feel that your close relationship just continues onto social media in place.
The best way to get this to end is to talk to your mom and tell you exactly how it feels to you and ask her to leave you in peace on social media.
You'll probably spend some time to explain to her exactly how you feel and why it's inconvenient for you. The clearer you are, the greater the opportunity for you to be alone.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-06
2016-07-05
Wisdom words and quotes of: Do not worry about those who talk behind your back They are behind you for a reason
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Do not worry about those who talk behind your back They are behind you for a reason |
Do not worry about those who talk behind your back
They are behind you for a reason
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-07-04
2016-07-01
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