Why is it, and I have so difficult to make decisions and be satisfied with them afterwards, and can not stop to dwell and brood over my already made decisions?

Hello Coach

I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.

I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.

My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.

For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.

But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.

Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.

Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.

I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.

Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?

Sincerely

Jonny


Hi Johnny

Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.

- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.

He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.

- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.

The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.

- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.

Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.

It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.

- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.

That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.

- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.

Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.

- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.

Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.

Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.

- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.

He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.

Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.

- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.

When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.

- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.

Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.

- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.

Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.

- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.

Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.

- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.

7 advice when something is to be determined are:

• Do not make a decision.
• See the decision-making process as an opportunity.
• Lay not on too much information.
• Do not go around and ponder and dwell on a decision.
• The goal can not be to everyone happy.
• Keep in mind that there is no absolute right decision.
• Be prepared to correct the decision.

I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.

You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.