2016-10-06
Can I have different roles with different friends, and what different friendship roles can I have?
Hello
Can I have different roles with different friends, and what different friendship roles can I have?
I've thought a lot about this. For it is very different what kind of role I have and when I'm with different friends.
Greeting
Macus
Hi Marcus
What kind of friend are you? And what does that say about you? And these five roles are common in friendships.
The organizer
Planner who keeps track of birthdays, buying gifts, and juggle thousands of little practical details.
If you have this role ...
So you're probably Talented Annika in many contexts and can quite often have chosen the role because you need confirmation from others.
If you tire of the role you will be prepared to miss out on the group's immediate estimate, and the most important thing you can in that case have to do is to learn to be a little more passive.
Little sister
With childlike charm and a certain amount of confusion avoids effectively be the one who takes responsibility.
If you have this role ...
So, it is a subtle matter, you do not have to take responsibility, but will still always be with. In the long run, this is probably still a role that becomes boring. It is one thing to have this role when one is 17 and the youngest in the office. It's not as fun when the 42nd
The entertainer
Constantly a laugh ready, always a pinch of irony in his hand salting of everyday life. The Entertainer is expected to be the one who can always amuse us.
If you have this role ...
Then you have the "job" to ensure that it does not become too tense in the group by diverting attention from the conflict into something playful. Are you even have a little afraid of conflict?
To constantly have this role can ultimately also be perceived as a bit frivolous, because you so rarely show up serious.
The therapist
Listen, lend his shoulder and says, wise, warm things so that the rest of us feel a little better.
If you have this role ...
So are you a person who sees it as important to be caring and helping others. The risk is just that you forget yourself on the road ...
The diplomat
This is a very popular member of the group, with major talents to intercept conflict and to intervene and mediate.
If you have this role ...
So you are often a first-children who have developed a habit in tough negotiations. In the long run, it is a role that has sapped your strength, right here to constantly adapt mediation strategy and not freely express their own opinions. It can make you feel a little fake as a person.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
Can I have different roles with different friends, and what different friendship roles can I have?
I've thought a lot about this. For it is very different what kind of role I have and when I'm with different friends.
Greeting
Macus
Hi Marcus
What kind of friend are you? And what does that say about you? And these five roles are common in friendships.
The organizer
Planner who keeps track of birthdays, buying gifts, and juggle thousands of little practical details.
If you have this role ...
So you're probably Talented Annika in many contexts and can quite often have chosen the role because you need confirmation from others.
If you tire of the role you will be prepared to miss out on the group's immediate estimate, and the most important thing you can in that case have to do is to learn to be a little more passive.
Little sister
With childlike charm and a certain amount of confusion avoids effectively be the one who takes responsibility.
If you have this role ...
So, it is a subtle matter, you do not have to take responsibility, but will still always be with. In the long run, this is probably still a role that becomes boring. It is one thing to have this role when one is 17 and the youngest in the office. It's not as fun when the 42nd
The entertainer
Constantly a laugh ready, always a pinch of irony in his hand salting of everyday life. The Entertainer is expected to be the one who can always amuse us.
If you have this role ...
Then you have the "job" to ensure that it does not become too tense in the group by diverting attention from the conflict into something playful. Are you even have a little afraid of conflict?
To constantly have this role can ultimately also be perceived as a bit frivolous, because you so rarely show up serious.
The therapist
Listen, lend his shoulder and says, wise, warm things so that the rest of us feel a little better.
If you have this role ...
So are you a person who sees it as important to be caring and helping others. The risk is just that you forget yourself on the road ...
The diplomat
This is a very popular member of the group, with major talents to intercept conflict and to intervene and mediate.
If you have this role ...
So you are often a first-children who have developed a habit in tough negotiations. In the long run, it is a role that has sapped your strength, right here to constantly adapt mediation strategy and not freely express their own opinions. It can make you feel a little fake as a person.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-10-05
2016-10-04
Wisdom words and quotes of: Of the damage you become wise
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Of the damage you become wise |
Of the damage you become wise.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-10-03
2016-09-30
2016-09-29
I can not understand why I feel so alone, and what this loneliness feeling can depend on when I am with my own friends nowadays?
Hello life counselor
I feel so alone when I am with my own friends nowadays.
I can not understand why I feel so alone, and what this loneliness feeling can depend on?
Greetings
Liselott
Hello Liselott
You feel alone in your friendships. Maybe because you have had a role in your real friendship bonds that you do not feel comfortable with.
Amanda says that she usually get the position of the listener in their companionship.
- And it's a role that I have begun to tire of. I have several friends who are strong and forward and talk a lot about themselves, and the relationship with them, I find it difficult to break in and take a seat. It tends to be that I get tired of waiting for them to ask "how are you then?"; I fall silent and listen, and try to solve their problems instead. I'm certainly tired of it, but we've been friends for so long now. These roles are cemented as well.
My friends, however, would probably describe me as a kind person who is calm, quiet and listens well, and do not need so much space.
I know I can not expect them to wake up and see that I have more demands on our friendship. I have to start asking yourself the requirements, she says.
Ulrika tells us in turn that she often gets the role of "organizer" in groups.
- Sure, I like to fix and organize things, but I had not imagined that I would get this role full time. I took on the responsibility for our joint Friday breakfasts at work. Since then it has become who I am planner, I expected to stay in everything from purchasing things from IKEA, to know the coffee machine that will be the best in the kitchen, or remember how often should water the flowers, she says.
Becoming aware of the role that you usually take in friendships is the first step towards better friendships!
If you do not feel comfortable with your role, and not feel that you have permission to be "yourself", so it may be the reason why you feel you have too few genuine friends.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I feel so alone when I am with my own friends nowadays.
I can not understand why I feel so alone, and what this loneliness feeling can depend on?
Greetings
Liselott
Hello Liselott
You feel alone in your friendships. Maybe because you have had a role in your real friendship bonds that you do not feel comfortable with.
Amanda says that she usually get the position of the listener in their companionship.
- And it's a role that I have begun to tire of. I have several friends who are strong and forward and talk a lot about themselves, and the relationship with them, I find it difficult to break in and take a seat. It tends to be that I get tired of waiting for them to ask "how are you then?"; I fall silent and listen, and try to solve their problems instead. I'm certainly tired of it, but we've been friends for so long now. These roles are cemented as well.
My friends, however, would probably describe me as a kind person who is calm, quiet and listens well, and do not need so much space.
I know I can not expect them to wake up and see that I have more demands on our friendship. I have to start asking yourself the requirements, she says.
Ulrika tells us in turn that she often gets the role of "organizer" in groups.
- Sure, I like to fix and organize things, but I had not imagined that I would get this role full time. I took on the responsibility for our joint Friday breakfasts at work. Since then it has become who I am planner, I expected to stay in everything from purchasing things from IKEA, to know the coffee machine that will be the best in the kitchen, or remember how often should water the flowers, she says.
Becoming aware of the role that you usually take in friendships is the first step towards better friendships!
If you do not feel comfortable with your role, and not feel that you have permission to be "yourself", so it may be the reason why you feel you have too few genuine friends.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-28
2016-09-27
Wisdom words and quotes of: Of children and fools, you get to hear the real truth
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Of children and fools, you get to hear the real truth |
Of children and fools, you get to hear the real truth.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-26
2016-09-23
2016-09-22
Do you know what this feeling i have of loneliness I can depend on Mr. life coach
Hello Mr. life coach
I feel very lonely sometimes, even though I have very many friends.
Do you know what this feeling of loneliness can depend on?
With friendly greetings
Olga
Hey Olga
It is not unusual that we can feel the loneliness that we actually have friends.
Kajsa says she can often feel misunderstood by his friends.
- People often tend to take me as a happy little shit. I am the one who is expected to laugh and take life a breeze. Personally, I feel like a serious person who may indeed be close to laughter, but that definitely stands with both feet on the ground.
It can be a pain when I feel a little depressed, "but come Kajsa, you who usually makes all warm and happy", people say.
I also read a lot of books and I'm interested in developing country issues. It seems surprising part, as if I would be terminally stupid or something! I think it's because most people see me as a sociable person. They do not think that I have a very great need to just sit alone and read, she says.
Loneliness Feelings can thus involve you no longer feel comfortable with the role you have been in friendly relations.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I feel very lonely sometimes, even though I have very many friends.
Do you know what this feeling of loneliness can depend on?
With friendly greetings
Olga
Hey Olga
It is not unusual that we can feel the loneliness that we actually have friends.
Kajsa says she can often feel misunderstood by his friends.
- People often tend to take me as a happy little shit. I am the one who is expected to laugh and take life a breeze. Personally, I feel like a serious person who may indeed be close to laughter, but that definitely stands with both feet on the ground.
It can be a pain when I feel a little depressed, "but come Kajsa, you who usually makes all warm and happy", people say.
I also read a lot of books and I'm interested in developing country issues. It seems surprising part, as if I would be terminally stupid or something! I think it's because most people see me as a sociable person. They do not think that I have a very great need to just sit alone and read, she says.
Loneliness Feelings can thus involve you no longer feel comfortable with the role you have been in friendly relations.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-21
2016-09-20
Wisdom words and quotes of: Work promotes health and prosperity, and prevents many occasions of sin
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Work promotes health and prosperity, and prevents many occasions of sin |
Work promotes health and prosperity, and prevents many occasions of sin.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-19
2016-09-16
2016-09-15
Why are so many people alone and feel lonely today I wonder?
Hello life coach
I have a question that you probably can answer.
Why are so many people alone and feel lonely today?
Thank you for your response to my question in advance!
Sincerely
Dolly
Hi Dolly
"New solitude" call it sometimes, when in the media and debate forums to discuss how socially passive technological progress has made us.
We Facebooking, tweeting, emailing and texting instead of meeting face to face.
We content ourselves with friendship served to display call dinnerware, perhaps because we think it's either this, or not to be "seen" at all?
The explanation for our so-called nyensamhet is that we are moving more than ever.
Women on average are expected to make it twelve times in their lifetime, according to statistics from Statistics Sweden. An average man has time because of their shorter life "only" eleven.
When our friends move
But even that which is his hometown faithful life can experience the social life suddenly go from summer to autumn, when the friends move or grow out of one the other way.
Christian explains that after ten years in Stockholm moved back to his hometown and thought that the friends would probably not be a big deal. He had been so easy to make friends before. He was not an oddball. Additionally lived there surely remain friends from the past ...
But it would appear that the vast majority had moved away from their home, just like him, and at first he tried therefore to keep alive the friendships he had made in Stockholm.
- But they disintegrated in just a few months when not that natural touch was there anymore. It's really scary so fast it went, he says.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have a question that you probably can answer.
Why are so many people alone and feel lonely today?
Thank you for your response to my question in advance!
Sincerely
Dolly
Hi Dolly
"New solitude" call it sometimes, when in the media and debate forums to discuss how socially passive technological progress has made us.
We Facebooking, tweeting, emailing and texting instead of meeting face to face.
We content ourselves with friendship served to display call dinnerware, perhaps because we think it's either this, or not to be "seen" at all?
The explanation for our so-called nyensamhet is that we are moving more than ever.
Women on average are expected to make it twelve times in their lifetime, according to statistics from Statistics Sweden. An average man has time because of their shorter life "only" eleven.
When our friends move
But even that which is his hometown faithful life can experience the social life suddenly go from summer to autumn, when the friends move or grow out of one the other way.
Christian explains that after ten years in Stockholm moved back to his hometown and thought that the friends would probably not be a big deal. He had been so easy to make friends before. He was not an oddball. Additionally lived there surely remain friends from the past ...
But it would appear that the vast majority had moved away from their home, just like him, and at first he tried therefore to keep alive the friendships he had made in Stockholm.
- But they disintegrated in just a few months when not that natural touch was there anymore. It's really scary so fast it went, he says.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-14
2016-09-13
Wisdom words and quotes of: Angry cats get torn skins
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Angry cats get torn skins |
Angry cats get torn skins.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-12
2016-09-09
2016-09-08
I feel confused and my question are what real friendship is, and how do I know when we are real friends? Here are 8 tips and answers for those who want to find new friends!
Hello Mr. life coach
I often feel confused about how I feel when I'm with different people that I meet.
So I wonder what is real friendship? How do I know we are real friends?
Grateful for an answer to my question here.
Mariam
Hi Miriam
It is easy to be pompous and a little romantic strung when you talk about friendship.
Perhaps you're thinking that true friends are those who, like just take you. You can pick up where you left off, though you have not seen for several months. And when you first met, I knew both of you at once that just the two of you would become good friends ...
It may be just such exaggerated expectations of friendship behind you actually feel rather lonely today ...
Lillian B Rubin, American social psychologist and psychotherapist based in San Francisco, is a world renowned expert on friendship. She hits a happy kind of "everyday friendship", as we have with colleagues at work, or with a workout buddy as we jump in pace with. "All these people that we are a bit conciliatory call 'familiar' also has a great value in life," she says.
Familiarize living is as important as soul mates
Actually, we should not compare them with each other or the rate much. We simply need all kinds of friends. Many times, every-day relations develop into a more intimate friendship relationship later. Some friendships will take several years to mature up, but could then, on the other hand, keeping the longer, perhaps for life.
Hard to know if one's friends "for real"
Complicating friendships is that it is quite difficult to know if they really have become friends or not.
When Lillian B Rubin did interviews and followed up friendships threads across acquaintance circuits, so she discovered that the entire 64 percent not at all mentioned the person they themselves had said was their best or close friend. 64% of your friends see you, maybe not as a friend at all. Horrible thought!
Should we go back to the primitive of friendship and require mixed blood and two tightly compressed thumbs? Or is it perhaps time to see the friendship in a new way? Perhaps as a mood we are in, and that no other more than we can tell whether it is genuine or not?
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I often feel confused about how I feel when I'm with different people that I meet.
So I wonder what is real friendship? How do I know we are real friends?
Grateful for an answer to my question here.
Mariam
Hi Miriam
It is easy to be pompous and a little romantic strung when you talk about friendship.
Perhaps you're thinking that true friends are those who, like just take you. You can pick up where you left off, though you have not seen for several months. And when you first met, I knew both of you at once that just the two of you would become good friends ...
It may be just such exaggerated expectations of friendship behind you actually feel rather lonely today ...
Lillian B Rubin, American social psychologist and psychotherapist based in San Francisco, is a world renowned expert on friendship. She hits a happy kind of "everyday friendship", as we have with colleagues at work, or with a workout buddy as we jump in pace with. "All these people that we are a bit conciliatory call 'familiar' also has a great value in life," she says.
Familiarize living is as important as soul mates
Actually, we should not compare them with each other or the rate much. We simply need all kinds of friends. Many times, every-day relations develop into a more intimate friendship relationship later. Some friendships will take several years to mature up, but could then, on the other hand, keeping the longer, perhaps for life.
Hard to know if one's friends "for real"
Complicating friendships is that it is quite difficult to know if they really have become friends or not.
When Lillian B Rubin did interviews and followed up friendships threads across acquaintance circuits, so she discovered that the entire 64 percent not at all mentioned the person they themselves had said was their best or close friend. 64% of your friends see you, maybe not as a friend at all. Horrible thought!
Should we go back to the primitive of friendship and require mixed blood and two tightly compressed thumbs? Or is it perhaps time to see the friendship in a new way? Perhaps as a mood we are in, and that no other more than we can tell whether it is genuine or not?
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-07
2016-09-06
Wisdom words and quotes of: Attack is the best defense
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Attack is the best defense |
Attack is the best defense.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-09-05
2016-09-02
2016-09-01
Do you feel alone? Here are 4 reasons to loneliness, and 5 strategies against loneliness for you
Hi coach
I feel so lonely.
I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.
I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.
Richard
Hi Richard
Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.
What exactly is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.
Social loneliness
Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.
Emotional loneliness
Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.
The causes of loneliness
Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:
1. Deficiencies in relationships
Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).
2. Change in the relationships
Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.
3. You see yourself as a single person
If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".
4. Lack of social skills
Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.
Strategies to deal with loneliness
Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:
1. Make a rational analysis
Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).
2. Stop blame personal characteristics
Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.
3. Make positive to other people
You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.
4. Re-evaluate your loneliness
Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.
5. Focus on friendship rather than love
Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.
Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.
And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I feel so lonely.
I have no friends left and now I feel very lonely, and it has gone so far in my loneliness so that I have now lost me completely, so I write to you here now.
I hope you can help me to tell me how I can find back on the road again, and so I get new friends again.
Richard
Hi Richard
Do you feel alone? You're not alone! Loneliness is very common and most people feel lonely at some point in life. In this article, we review what loneliness is, the causes of loneliness and how to handle it.
What exactly is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling of dissatisfaction, and that something is missing, that arise when you do not have the degree of social contact that you would like to have. Everyone can feel alone now and then, but there are also many who feel loneliness most of the time. It is customary to divide the loneliness in two different groups, social loneliness and emotional loneliness.
Social loneliness
Social loneliness means that you lack a social network, you feel lonely because you do not have any (or as many as you would like) friends, work mates, family members or relatives to spend time with. There are those who have a rich social life on the job, but no friends at leisure, and they are those who feel lonely at work / at school but have friends and family to spend time with their spare time. The feeling of loneliness It is not based on the number of friends, but if you feel satisfied with their social network, or if you miss more people to socialize or interact with. One can sit in a basement, and never talk to anyone and still not feel lonely.
Emotional loneliness
Emotional loneliness occurs when you lack a deep relationship, for example, when you miss someone to really talk to, someone you can tell everything to and / or someone you know loves one for who they are. This sort of loneliness is common to feel even if you have many people to socialize with. I have heard many people describe it as they stand in the middle of a party with a bunch of good friends and acquaintances around them, but they still feel the loneliest in the world. For many guys can feel superficial interaction with the kid gang, and they lack someone to have a deeper relationship with. In this situation many longs for a girlfriend, who they think can fulfill the need for emotional intimacy.
The causes of loneliness
Loneliness can be caused by many different things, and often it may be several reasons that combined creates great loneliness. Generally, one can say that loneliness is caused by any of these four categories:
1. Deficiencies in relationships
Deficiencies in relationships can occur when you do not have any or have relationships with other people, when you feel an outsider or when forced into isolation because they become ostracized or offset (in the family, at work / school, or their friends ).
2. Change in the relationships
Loneliness can also be caused by relationships have changed. It can be anything from a outgrow their friends with age (for example, changing interests, or that one provide family), in order to move from their social network or separating from a partner and suddenly find themselves without both companion and socializing.
3. You see yourself as a single person
If you think of yourself as a single person, it is a property you have that you can not change, so it is often easy to get caught up in loneliness. It may be that seeing yourself as a loner, someone who nobody likes, or as "the eternal single".
4. Lack of social skills
Loneliness may also be due to the lack of social skills, and therefore find it difficult to form relationships with others. It may be that you do not know how to start or continue a conversation with others in a relaxed manner, that it is incredibly shy or even have social phobia, or that you have a negative attitude or even behave badly toward Other.
Strategies to deal with loneliness
Loneliness is like saying something very common and most people feel loneliness in some degree during one or more periods of life. However, there are specific things you can do to manage her loneliness so that it feels better and so that it could ultimately reduce or disappear completely. Here are four successful strategies for dealing with loneliness:
1. Make a rational analysis
Look at your situation from the outside and try to make an objective, rational analysis of the situation. What is your loneliness and what you could do to change your situation? Faced with social situations, whether you experience them as dangerous / annoying, think of the advantages compared to disadvantages and see if the potential gains can motivate you to go there / talk more with people (or what you need to do to reduce loneliness).
2. Stop blame personal characteristics
Try to find what situations or behaviors that create loneliness, instead of thinking "I'm like this as a person." Loneliness is not an innate characteristic, you are not "doomed" to eternal loneliness because of who you are. You can change your situation if you really want and make sure to have the mindset.
3. Make positive to other people
You will not be less lonely if you are bitter and negative towards others. Make sure to keep a positive attitude toward others (even in your own thoughts!), So it is much easier for the people you meet want to have contact or make friends with you.
4. Re-evaluate your loneliness
Instead of seeing loneliness as something negative, you can learn to re-evaluate it and instead appreciate the solitude you have. Being alone can be somewhat useful as it provides a greater opportunity to experience their inner world and to get to know himself.
5. Focus on friendship rather than love
Focus on acquiring or maintaining good friends, instead of putting all our energy on finding The One. It is usually much easier (and with less risk of a broken heart) to find friends than a companion. In addition, to enter into a relationship with a girl with the intention that you will not have to be lonely is not exactly the best breeding ground for love.
Comment if you ever felt alone and what you think your loneliness is, or was due. In this way we can help each other to understand that we are not alone in our solitude.
And good luck to everybody to get rid of your loneliness!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-31
2016-08-30
Wisdom words and quotes of: All that glitters is not gold
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All that glitters is not gold |
All that glitters is not gold.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-29
2016-08-26
2016-08-25
How do I know if I have a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Hello life coach
I wonder if I suffer from low self-esteem.
It is often that I get anxious and have difficulty to get started and get things done, and this is because I do not dare or even bothered to take hold of them.
I do not think I will manage to do it, and therefore I avoid completely to make them instead, and this is not to expose myself to them. And I often blame that there is nothing I need to do or want to do, etc.
Plus I find it very difficult to get to me when I get compliments, and I hate cameras and also suffer mirror phobia because I do not like myself.
Do you think this is due to a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Thanks in advance for your answer to my question.
Donald
Hi Donald
Based on your question, and as you enter you have trouble to find for you the compliments, hate cameras and suffering mirror phobia.
So here is a list of 10 signs you could have and suffer, if you have low self-esteem
1. Last time you walked past a mirror was your first thought is "But what's a horrible picture?"
2. Any tags you in ten pictures on Facebook. You have a ready template to copy claiming that reads "Please delete all the pictures of me, I'm so ugly."
3. Watching someone at you and says "I like you" is your first thought is always "How can you like me anyway?".
4. If someone on the subway looking at you and smiling at you, spin you around and always look for the person checked on someone behind you, or similar.
5. Does anyone out a camera, so you hiding directly like a ghost behind a corner.
6. Gives you a compliment, you never answer "thank you", but always with some kind of statement that the person's observations do not match.
7. Someone says "God, what a pretty dress!" and you say "Oh this old H & M cloth. Yes, I'm so fat, so I will not be in my other clothes anymore."
8. Your partner for four years, writing "I love you sweetie." Your answer: "Have you sent the wrong?"
9. If someone says, "God, how good looking you are today, but, oh, you have something in your hair" is this comment all you remember the sentence.
Answer Yes or correct more than half of these points to you. So you are suffering from and have low self-esteem.
But as luck is that you can do something about your low self-esteem, and you can read more about here.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I wonder if I suffer from low self-esteem.
It is often that I get anxious and have difficulty to get started and get things done, and this is because I do not dare or even bothered to take hold of them.
I do not think I will manage to do it, and therefore I avoid completely to make them instead, and this is not to expose myself to them. And I often blame that there is nothing I need to do or want to do, etc.
Plus I find it very difficult to get to me when I get compliments, and I hate cameras and also suffer mirror phobia because I do not like myself.
Do you think this is due to a lack of confidence and poor self-esteem?
Thanks in advance for your answer to my question.
Donald
Hi Donald
Based on your question, and as you enter you have trouble to find for you the compliments, hate cameras and suffering mirror phobia.
So here is a list of 10 signs you could have and suffer, if you have low self-esteem
1. Last time you walked past a mirror was your first thought is "But what's a horrible picture?"
2. Any tags you in ten pictures on Facebook. You have a ready template to copy claiming that reads "Please delete all the pictures of me, I'm so ugly."
3. Watching someone at you and says "I like you" is your first thought is always "How can you like me anyway?".
4. If someone on the subway looking at you and smiling at you, spin you around and always look for the person checked on someone behind you, or similar.
5. Does anyone out a camera, so you hiding directly like a ghost behind a corner.
6. Gives you a compliment, you never answer "thank you", but always with some kind of statement that the person's observations do not match.
7. Someone says "God, what a pretty dress!" and you say "Oh this old H & M cloth. Yes, I'm so fat, so I will not be in my other clothes anymore."
8. Your partner for four years, writing "I love you sweetie." Your answer: "Have you sent the wrong?"
9. If someone says, "God, how good looking you are today, but, oh, you have something in your hair" is this comment all you remember the sentence.
Answer Yes or correct more than half of these points to you. So you are suffering from and have low self-esteem.
But as luck is that you can do something about your low self-esteem, and you can read more about here.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-24
2016-08-23
Wisdom words and quotes of: All roads lead back home to your self
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All roads lead back home |
All roads lead back home to your self.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-22
2016-08-19
2016-08-18
I have a very low self-esteem, and what can I do about this and to get a better sense of self?
Hi Coach
I have a very poor self-esteem that allows me to work there on a work year after year, and I do not feel comfortable with.
I seek and will enter other good courses. But not begin because I do not think I'll do it. This leads all the time that I then remain in the same job, and I do not feel comfortable with, and then I feel bad because of it. How can I break this pattern, coach?
Linn
Hi Linn!
You do not want your bad self confidence will turn you inside, as it has done to date in many ways. You want to find new ways to behave in, and dare more.
Let me start by reason of what a lack of confidence and self-esteem is that state, and we'll see how much you recognize you.
Poor self-esteem is all about how hard you are performing, you feel unsatisfied. You "are" their performance. Low self-esteem on the other hand means to be judgmental toward yourself, and do not put any value on itself. Low self-esteem determines how we function in daily life and has a great impact on many areas of life.
From what you describe in your letter I understand that it is best for your self-esteem as it is about. Therefore, I will dwell on it.
A person with low self-esteem have a low opinion of himself, and put great emphasis on their weaknesses and shortcomings, but not their strengths and resources, and are explicitly self-critical.
Low self-esteem is also reflected in the behavior. A person with low self-esteem have lost their needs or their opinion, has an apologetic attitude, avoiding not only challenges, but all with the danger of being judged. You worry about being exposed as a fake. It is hard to believe that what is successful depends on the skill and knowledge. In relationship to the environment is one shy and hypersensitive to criticism. It can go so far as to pull away from contact and closeness. Opposite behaviors are, where they try to hide their insecurity by always behave confidently and calmly.
Bad experience often leads to low self-esteem. Based on the experience it has gained a critical understanding of himself, and the life. Experiences that may have contributed to a poor self-esteem is not having met the parents or peers requirements and perceived as "odd" in the family or at school, and that seldom have received praise, warmth and interest from its surroundings.
Do you recognize yourself? Low self-esteem is a way of thinking and behaving that in many ways is learned from an early age, but you can find ways to break with. However, let me also alert you to low self-esteem can sometimes be an element of a depression, or long-lasting problems with anxiety. If this applies to you is an efficient solution that you seek treatment for the primary problem.
You can also try on their own to find ways to break your learned circles for how you think and behave. You can say that you can begin to train you in getting a better sense of self by thinking and doing the opposite. How?
Try out this exercise (steps go a little into each other, but I describe it in stages for it to become more transparent).
Step 1. Become more attuned to the situations in which your bad self esteem strikes. Explore the thoughts, feelings and ethics that govern your actions when you want to start an education and then decide not to do it. We can call them your risk situations for acute low self-esteem. Write down the thoughts, feelings and ethics that you get in these situations.
Step 2. Next, you explore the plausibility of the thought, feeling or living rule that triggered your acute lack of self-esteem, and that is an obstacle to doing what you really want to do. A person with poor self-esteem can be based on their experiences have taught negative automatic thoughts, feelings, or maxims, such as: I will never let anyone see my true self, or it is better not to do something than to fail. It is of course difficult to live and come into its own with this kind of learned rules.
Ask yourself questions that will help you explore how these thoughts and maxims have come into your life. Would you, today, live from what those rules of life and express thoughts? How would a more loving thought or rule of life to let?
Remember that as an adult it is you who choose your own ethics. You may choose new precepts, and prepare yourself to be in situations that you would normally avoid. The aim is to making new adult experience shows that you can do more than what you think about.
Remember! To be an adult is to learn to live with their vulnerability and not get rid of it.
Step 3. Do what you want to do in the situation, encouraged by your new, more loving and tolerant thoughts and maxims. Use this way every day for eight weeks, and then evaluate how it has helped you become more attuned to how you "fooled" by your learned negative thoughts, feelings and ethics of yourself, and have been able to do more of what you want. Please continue for a long time to do this if you find that it helps you break the pattern you describe in your letter.
Step 4. Clarify for yourself what your goals are, both in everyday life and in the longer term to change jobs. Think about your values: What is important to you in your life? Please write them down. Read what you wrote down carefully, and ask you what you want to do in the next few weeks, and eventually, to get in tune with what you value. How can your values help you take the first step in being able for example to change jobs? The idea of my questions is that you let your values govern you and give you strength, for example, dare to start the training you want to bet on.
Step 5. To initiate a change usually arouse anxiety, fear and other negative emotions. Remind you then that our negative thoughts and feelings are the result of our past experiences. Not infrequently, they warn us of the dangers we have experienced in the past, but that is not always true today. They are not always true. This you will discover more and more clearly as you do the exercises above, and no longer let your fears control what you do. It is about learning to live with your fears and do what is important to you in life today.
You can surf over your fear of doing what you want to do by having as a supportive self-talk that this is just overly critical thoughts or my old fears. I do not believe in, or let myself be guided by them. I can let them be within me, while I do what I want anyway.
Warm greetings and good luck Linn!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have a very poor self-esteem that allows me to work there on a work year after year, and I do not feel comfortable with.
I seek and will enter other good courses. But not begin because I do not think I'll do it. This leads all the time that I then remain in the same job, and I do not feel comfortable with, and then I feel bad because of it. How can I break this pattern, coach?
Linn
Hi Linn!
You do not want your bad self confidence will turn you inside, as it has done to date in many ways. You want to find new ways to behave in, and dare more.
Let me start by reason of what a lack of confidence and self-esteem is that state, and we'll see how much you recognize you.
Poor self-esteem is all about how hard you are performing, you feel unsatisfied. You "are" their performance. Low self-esteem on the other hand means to be judgmental toward yourself, and do not put any value on itself. Low self-esteem determines how we function in daily life and has a great impact on many areas of life.
From what you describe in your letter I understand that it is best for your self-esteem as it is about. Therefore, I will dwell on it.
A person with low self-esteem have a low opinion of himself, and put great emphasis on their weaknesses and shortcomings, but not their strengths and resources, and are explicitly self-critical.
Low self-esteem is also reflected in the behavior. A person with low self-esteem have lost their needs or their opinion, has an apologetic attitude, avoiding not only challenges, but all with the danger of being judged. You worry about being exposed as a fake. It is hard to believe that what is successful depends on the skill and knowledge. In relationship to the environment is one shy and hypersensitive to criticism. It can go so far as to pull away from contact and closeness. Opposite behaviors are, where they try to hide their insecurity by always behave confidently and calmly.
Bad experience often leads to low self-esteem. Based on the experience it has gained a critical understanding of himself, and the life. Experiences that may have contributed to a poor self-esteem is not having met the parents or peers requirements and perceived as "odd" in the family or at school, and that seldom have received praise, warmth and interest from its surroundings.
Do you recognize yourself? Low self-esteem is a way of thinking and behaving that in many ways is learned from an early age, but you can find ways to break with. However, let me also alert you to low self-esteem can sometimes be an element of a depression, or long-lasting problems with anxiety. If this applies to you is an efficient solution that you seek treatment for the primary problem.
You can also try on their own to find ways to break your learned circles for how you think and behave. You can say that you can begin to train you in getting a better sense of self by thinking and doing the opposite. How?
Try out this exercise (steps go a little into each other, but I describe it in stages for it to become more transparent).
Step 1. Become more attuned to the situations in which your bad self esteem strikes. Explore the thoughts, feelings and ethics that govern your actions when you want to start an education and then decide not to do it. We can call them your risk situations for acute low self-esteem. Write down the thoughts, feelings and ethics that you get in these situations.
Step 2. Next, you explore the plausibility of the thought, feeling or living rule that triggered your acute lack of self-esteem, and that is an obstacle to doing what you really want to do. A person with poor self-esteem can be based on their experiences have taught negative automatic thoughts, feelings, or maxims, such as: I will never let anyone see my true self, or it is better not to do something than to fail. It is of course difficult to live and come into its own with this kind of learned rules.
Ask yourself questions that will help you explore how these thoughts and maxims have come into your life. Would you, today, live from what those rules of life and express thoughts? How would a more loving thought or rule of life to let?
Remember that as an adult it is you who choose your own ethics. You may choose new precepts, and prepare yourself to be in situations that you would normally avoid. The aim is to making new adult experience shows that you can do more than what you think about.
Remember! To be an adult is to learn to live with their vulnerability and not get rid of it.
Step 3. Do what you want to do in the situation, encouraged by your new, more loving and tolerant thoughts and maxims. Use this way every day for eight weeks, and then evaluate how it has helped you become more attuned to how you "fooled" by your learned negative thoughts, feelings and ethics of yourself, and have been able to do more of what you want. Please continue for a long time to do this if you find that it helps you break the pattern you describe in your letter.
Step 4. Clarify for yourself what your goals are, both in everyday life and in the longer term to change jobs. Think about your values: What is important to you in your life? Please write them down. Read what you wrote down carefully, and ask you what you want to do in the next few weeks, and eventually, to get in tune with what you value. How can your values help you take the first step in being able for example to change jobs? The idea of my questions is that you let your values govern you and give you strength, for example, dare to start the training you want to bet on.
Step 5. To initiate a change usually arouse anxiety, fear and other negative emotions. Remind you then that our negative thoughts and feelings are the result of our past experiences. Not infrequently, they warn us of the dangers we have experienced in the past, but that is not always true today. They are not always true. This you will discover more and more clearly as you do the exercises above, and no longer let your fears control what you do. It is about learning to live with your fears and do what is important to you in life today.
You can surf over your fear of doing what you want to do by having as a supportive self-talk that this is just overly critical thoughts or my old fears. I do not believe in, or let myself be guided by them. I can let them be within me, while I do what I want anyway.
Warm greetings and good luck Linn!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-17
2016-08-16
Wisdom words and quotes of: Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one |
Everyone knows the monkey, but the monkey knows no one.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-15
2016-08-12
2016-08-11
Why is it, and I have so difficult to make decisions and be satisfied with them afterwards, and can not stop to dwell and brood over my already made decisions?
Hello Coach
I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.
I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.
My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.
For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.
But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.
Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.
Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.
I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.
Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?
Sincerely
Jonny
Hi Johnny
Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.
- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.
He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.
- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.
The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.
- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.
Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.
It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.
- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.
That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.
- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.
Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.
- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.
Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.
Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.
- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.
He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.
Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.
- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.
When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.
- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.
Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.
- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.
Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.
- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.
Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.
- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.
7 advice when something is to be determined are:
I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have big problems to make a decision and then be satisfied with those decisions I have already taken.
I often continue to dwell and brood over my decision with my friends, and this happens very long after I have taken them, and then I wonder if it is right or wrong decisions that I have taken.
My decision anxiety extends over a number of years and I feel satisfied that I still have not managed to solve the problems I have in a way that I can feel proud and happy with.
For 7 years ago I got a depression. I knew all the time that the causes was the work situation I had where I been demoted after parental leave and not received any duties and the relationship I live with for many years. The job is moved so I have stopped there and further training me now.
But the whole time I've been struggling with relationship and many times thought about breaking up without taking NGT decision. I have always chosen to continue to the children means so much to me and the own fear but perhaps even selfishness.
Also, I have not thought of myself caused by a faltering confidence and self-esteem, or is the cause of it.
Now that I am at the end of my training, the issue is once again relevant. I am now trying to find the reason why I decided that I made but also to find their own strength and self-esteem so that I can feel happy with myself.
I want to actually get back my joy and passion I once had, and a positive outlook on life that I know is in there somewhere. I would love to have an outside view on the matter.
Can you explain why it is like this for me, and what I can do about my problems with making decisions that I can be satisfied with afterwards?
Sincerely
Jonny
Hi Johnny
Life is full of choices. Many are reluctant to take important decisions for fear that it will be wrong. But that does not make a choice is also a decision.
- Both of the top management of companies and organizations, and of individuals, there is a decision anguish. It obviously affects the work result, says Ari Riabacke, who are determined to analysts, researchers and consultants.
He believes that the decision of the anxiety is basically that we want to avoid risks. Another reason is that the search for consensus drawn to a head.
- We want a decision to be good and we are afraid of conflict. No one should be sad and everyone should be involved. But it makes no sense to chase the optimum choice. For there is no such thing.
The goal can not be to everyone happy. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the main room, where a decision must be made - and feel what you want, deep down.
- We should frequently reflect on our work and our lives. It is so easy to continue in old tracks and do not try something new.
Ari Riabackes advice is to try to see decision-making as an opportunity and not as a problem. Stir decision you personally, ask the question what you can gain from a change. Even if a decision leads to bad news, it can be beneficial. You may need to add about your lifestyle.
It has become harder and more complex to make decisions, says Pelle Tornell, who is a lecturer and author of a handbook on decision making.
- In general, it is more information to take in, more options to evaluate and less time. It creates frustration among people and decisions are either too fast or drawn in the long bench.
That people calling for even more information before making a decision is very common. But it is not certain that it does any good.
- We feel safer that way and think that we have back free, said Ari Riabacke. To seek more information is often a way to boost up what you already believe. But one A4 page with relevant facts on a "for and against" list usually sufficient to make a wise decision. Realize also that you will always have time constraints.
Too much information can indeed make you more hesitant, says Pelle Tornell.
- To ponder and dwell on different options for you usually do not forward, and it can create anxiety and more doubts. If you make a choice, whether it is right or wrong, you will progress and can learn from it.
Something Pelle Tornell learned during his time as assistant to Jan Stenbeck in the Kinnevik Group is to take decisions and be prepared to correct them. The strong decision maker always tried to find a position that went against what the others in the conference room thought not to be in consensus.
Ari Riabacke think it is "a big fallacy" that, like many managers, preferably surround themselves with people who think the same.
- In all cases there should be space for critical voices and innovation must be encouraged.
He also emphasizes that we must realize that it is not dangerous to fail. It is in fact of the failure to learn. Consider what's the worst that can happen - and you will realize that it is not so dangerous.
Very few have training in decision-making and it is often seen as difficult, inconvenient or even unpleasant.
- It is seldom describe the decision-making process as pleasurable or fun. Probably it is because they worry that it will be wrong and often even for what others will think, says Ari Riabacke.
When the decision is to be made it is important not resign ourselves a difficult choice, says Pelle Tornell.
- Formulate the problem clearly and what the purpose of the decision. What would you like to achieve? Then ask yourself if the decision will take you closer to the purpose and consistent with your values.
Pelle Tornell an example of a difficult choice he was facing when he very clearly felt that he liked a prestigious management position and wanted to change the direction of his career.
- It was a gut feeling that grew and nothing at all wishy-washy. It needs to mature in his decision and also ensure economic realities. Can I make it? The answer was in my case, yes. Now I see it as my mission to spread the message about the ability to make decisions will determine our success or our failure.
Pelle Tornell do not just talk about the content of the resolutions but also clarify the psychology behind them.
- It's about getting people to achieve self-awareness and understand what determines the decisions they take. The brain tends to take shortcuts and we simplify the information. People in the surrounding area, numbers you happen to have in your head or lurid headlines can become reference points that unconsciously guide your decisions.
Rational decisions are often higher than emotional, he says.
- But the experience-based gut feeling is very reliable. The best decisions are based on both reason and emotion, says Pelle Tornell.
7 advice when something is to be determined are:
- Do not make a decision.
- See the decision-making process as an opportunity.
- Lay not on too much information.
- Do not go around and ponder and dwell on a decision.
- The goal can not be to everyone happy.
- Keep in mind that there is no absolute right decision.
- Be prepared to correct the decision.
I hope you received answers to your questions, and know how to be able to make it easier to make good decisions, and that you are happy with over yourself.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-10
2016-08-09
Wisdom words and quotes of: All good things are three.
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: All good things are three. |
All good things are three.
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-08
2016-08-05
2016-08-04
Why I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life?
Hi health psychologist
My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.
Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.
Mark
Hi Mark
Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.
An example
"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "
When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.
- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.
Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.
Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.
- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.
That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:
- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.
At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.
- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.
He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.
- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.
Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.
- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.
- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.
- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.
Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.
The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.
- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.
- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).
- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.
But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?
- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.
Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.
For example:
Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.
Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.
"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.
It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.
Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!
Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio
Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.
For example:
Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.
Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.
Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.
Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.
Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
My friends say that I dwell and nagging again and again about the same thing all the time, and then of equal bad things that have happened before in my life.
Why do I do this all the time, and I'm about to lose my friends because I have this behavior and do this all the time when I meet my friends.
Mark
Hi Mark
Dwell we all do. Brooding over things that happened or could happen. But when the patio becomes an anguished and compulsively, becomes everyday life difficult. Comforting thoughts can help in the short term. But ultimately worsen rather than anxiety.
An example
"What if I have cancer!
No, I was explored in the last week. Phew.
But what if the doctor missed something!
No, they are so accurate, they told you clearly that everything looked good, it must be able to rely on. I do.
Though I heard all about the neighbor who has been with several doctors who have not found his cancer ... Help!
Well, he was probably an exception. My doctor is so good, that many have said.
But - what if she did not take my symptoms seriously, because she knows that I'm so worried. She may have missed something. "
When anxiety and fear just grind, then tries to find solace. Both in their own thoughts and the environment. And obviously wishes others spontaneously comfort those who are afraid, explaining that it probably is not that bad and try to prove it.
- But comfort and logic are completely wrong in that situation. In any case, when it comes to anxiety filled dwelling. Consolation experiments leading perhaps to the relief of the moment, but in the longer term, they increase only the anxiety and patio, says psychologist Olle Wadström.
Most people dwell on their problems sometimes. But for some, becomes the patio a big problem. They get caught up in thinking, trying to find solutions, but find immediately new concern. Porch can be about fears and concerns of various kinds, and even if such injustices, revenge and revenge.
Most pronounced is the tendency for anxiety-filled patio in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD, "obsessive compulsive disorder"), also known as "doubt sick". But even people without a diagnosis can have a tendency to anxiously terrace, which can be a big nuisance to them. They try to stop but can not.
- It's the same pattern of behavior in the anxiety-filled patio, whether it is about coercion, any other disorder or nothing at all, says Olle Wadström. Porch works the same as a type of compulsive behavior.
That we worry about things that might happen, or brooding over what has already happened, is not surprising. It is the ability to think abstractly that separates us from the animals, says Olle Wadström:
- Human beings live in a dangerous world. If we had not had the ability to think we would have been no chance. Physically speaking, we are entitled harmless, we have neither chlorine or strength. But thanks to our thinking, we can imagine the dangers beforehand, and to guard ourselves before them. This is why we so easily fantasize about various horror scenarios.
At compulsion becomes the imaginary dangers to an anxiety-provoking, powerful force that leads to trying to find measures to mitigate the fear. It may involve compulsive behaviors such as excessive washing of the body and the surroundings to avoid dirt and contamination. Behind the documents are anguished thoughts of danger. But for some, it is above all the attempts to their own thoughts allay fears that the forced act.
- Obsessive patio is common in such hypochondria, social anxiety disorder, body dysmorphic disorder - when you think you're ugly and looks strange - and jealousy, says Olle Wadström.
He has extensive experience as a psychotherapist and author of the book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier with cognitive behavioral therapy" (Psychological Operation) where he analyzes how Porch works.
- Compulsive Behaviors aims to create security and peace, and eliminate the doubt. Dwell has the same function, and even everyday dwelling, he says.
Porch actually consists of two different kinds of thoughts, says Olle Wadström: uneasy thoughts and comforting thoughts. It's like an inner dialogue, where you argue with himself.
- As a tennis match. As long as the ball rolls, so long will the game on. Our brain invents new dangers all the time, and it is created for.
- The comforting thoughts intended to reduce turbulence, and they do well to begin with. But just that contributes to the new worries, says Olle Wadström. A behavior that is "rewarded" repeated.
- What drives the patio is uneasy thoughts lead to something positive. It is absurd, instead of to kill the evil strengthens comforting thoughts that. In the same way it is with other compulsions, or when to avoid it you are afraid of, or when you get assurances from others that something is not dangerous. All this reinforces the term unrest and lead to more coercive, evasions and questions.
Anxiety involves a physiological reaction in which the non-involuntary nervous system is very active and signals "danger". The heart stampeding, it feels as if you're going to faint, and it feels hard to breathe. When we are "saved" for the moment by comfort or escape from the situation we feel a little better.
The brain associate experience with the situation we found ourselves in, and that way we can "teach" us to be afraid of harmless things, and even more afraid of what we already feared, describes Olle Wadström.
- When we flee from what we fear, there are also new fears. How the brain. If I run for the life of a tiger, then it's fine if I then understand that lions are also dangerous.
- What you should do if you want to get rid of their anxiety-filled patio, is the opposite of what feels "natural" - to quit to seek solace, says Olle Wadström. It can be very difficult when anxiety is strong. It can also be difficult for the environment to stop to comfort those who are anxious and scared. But there are several techniques to use in order to prevent their comforting thoughts (see the opposite).
- When removing comforting thoughts of course increases the anxiety and discomfort thoughts, says Olle Wadström. But gradually reduces. So in the beginning you feel worse, to eventually feel better.
But consolation and solace thoughts, sounds like something positive. Sometimes it may well be fine with comfort?
- Yes, absolutely, but not in the case of anxiety is linked to the patio. You can round out there and say that when you really seem to need consolation for his constant concern, then you should probably refrain from comforting making.
Do not fight the unpleasant thoughts that these type that are downloaded freely from Olle Wadström book "Stop dwelling and brooding - easier done with cognitive behavioral therapy.
For example:
Gamble: "I will take a chance that I'm healthy. Whoever lives will see." Stand out with uncertainty.
Acceptance: "I have cancer, I have it." "Is he in love with her, he is there, you can not do anything about." Man unease accept the thoughts that true, or possibly true, and stand it.
"Worst idea": Spread on your worries and makes them worse, find new and frightening details and write them down. Finally appears the worst idea as too absurd to be taken seriously. You "disturbing expose" yourself for the daunting so that it loses its power.
It is important to simultaneously dispense behavior based on discomfort tanks. Do not avoid situations where thoughts can be brought, does nothing to verify the unpleasant fantasies or fears are not true.
Watch out that you do not make anti-comforting thoughts to comforting thoughts. If the tanks makes you more anxious for the moment, they're real!
Recognize your comforting thoughts in your patio
Tanks function is different for different people. The same thought can be an uneasy thought for one person, but a comforting thought for another. It is often easier to recognize their uneasiness thoughts, which arouses strong discomfort than comforting thoughts that can have many different shapes. The console of the moment, whether they are realistic or unrealistic.
For example:
Logical rebuttal and probability calculations. "It's just one of 30,000 who has that disease." Often helps the environment sympathetic to the arguments.
Explaining thoughts. "She did like that against me because she was depressed." "He really wanted to get back together with me, but he is too afraid of closeness." Looking for the answer to "why" and can give a temporary feeling of control and confidence.
Manipulation of the story. Could be a mind game, "what if I had done this instead", which relieves anxiety even though it can not change the past.
Revansch- and thoughts of revenge. "He will get all against him soon, and I get redress." "I can send an anonymous report." Usually when the dwelling is about wrongs that you think that others have done to one.
Seek professional help tru a mental health life coach like me her, or psychologist if you have problems with anxiety-filled patio that is not getting better.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-03
2016-08-02
Wisdom words and quotes of: We are all children at the beginning
 |
| Wisdom words and quotes of: We are all children at the beginning |
Wisdom words and quotes of:
We are all children at the beginning
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2016-08-01
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