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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better go before than preceded |
Better go before than preceded
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-31
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better go before than preceded
Better go before than preceded
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-30
2017-01-27
2017-01-26
I ended the friendship, which I now regret, and do not know now how I should do to get back our friendship again?
Hello life coach
I miss my old best friend so much, and we did not hang out anymore. Due to that I said up and completed all our contact for quite a while ago.
But now in retrospect seems like it would be something that we should have been able to have solved instead, and this after this long and deep friendship that we had before together. But I was pretty damn hurt at the time.
Now it's been a while, and I have increasingly begun to realize that I miss my friend, and I would like nothing more than that everything was as it was before.
But my dilemma is that I do not dare to make contact again, and do not know how I should do to regain our friendship?
Movits
Hi Movits
The real art of apologizing
There is a story of two Jewish men who had survived the extermination camp. The men met after many years and spoke of what they had. One of them asked the other:
- Have you forgiven the Nazis?
- Yes, I've done that, replied the other.
- It's not me. I'm still filled with hatred and resentment against them for everything they did to us.
- In that case, my friend exclaimed the other, so they will keep you still captive in the camp.
The moral of this story is obvious -to forgive makes us winners, not losers. But is this really? Is not it rather insulting to suggest that the liberation from hatred and resentment of the survivor above is in fact the forgiveness?
But if we leave those horrific acts Nazis and Englas murderer guilty and instead discuss forgiveness in "everyday life". Certainly it is good to apologize? And it sure feels good when someone who has hurt us apologize! Or? Well, it depends on how and why the apology is performed, according to an article in Psychology Today (2/122012). The writer (Mark Goulston) illustrates the following dialogue between a father and son, the difference between the reflexively apologize and take responsibility for their actions:
“C’mon dad, just let me do this. I will take full responsibility for what happens.”
His dad replied, “Did you know that taking full responsibility means that if it goes wrong, you will willingly pay all the consequences without any argument, make amends and then correct what happened so it never goes wrong again?”
His son said, “I didn’t agree to that.”
His dad said, “Well what do you think taking full responsibility means?”
His son replied, “It means that if anything goes wrong, I’ll say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
An obligatory apology is about wanting to get someone off your back;
a sincere apology is about wanting to be let off the hook;
a heartfelt apology is about wanting to repair a relationship
I miss my old best friend so much, and we did not hang out anymore. Due to that I said up and completed all our contact for quite a while ago.
But now in retrospect seems like it would be something that we should have been able to have solved instead, and this after this long and deep friendship that we had before together. But I was pretty damn hurt at the time.
Now it's been a while, and I have increasingly begun to realize that I miss my friend, and I would like nothing more than that everything was as it was before.
But my dilemma is that I do not dare to make contact again, and do not know how I should do to regain our friendship?
Movits
Hi Movits
The real art of apologizing
There is a story of two Jewish men who had survived the extermination camp. The men met after many years and spoke of what they had. One of them asked the other:
- Have you forgiven the Nazis?
- Yes, I've done that, replied the other.
- It's not me. I'm still filled with hatred and resentment against them for everything they did to us.
- In that case, my friend exclaimed the other, so they will keep you still captive in the camp.
The moral of this story is obvious -to forgive makes us winners, not losers. But is this really? Is not it rather insulting to suggest that the liberation from hatred and resentment of the survivor above is in fact the forgiveness?
But if we leave those horrific acts Nazis and Englas murderer guilty and instead discuss forgiveness in "everyday life". Certainly it is good to apologize? And it sure feels good when someone who has hurt us apologize! Or? Well, it depends on how and why the apology is performed, according to an article in Psychology Today (2/122012). The writer (Mark Goulston) illustrates the following dialogue between a father and son, the difference between the reflexively apologize and take responsibility for their actions:
“C’mon dad, just let me do this. I will take full responsibility for what happens.”
His dad replied, “Did you know that taking full responsibility means that if it goes wrong, you will willingly pay all the consequences without any argument, make amends and then correct what happened so it never goes wrong again?”
His son said, “I didn’t agree to that.”
His dad said, “Well what do you think taking full responsibility means?”
His son replied, “It means that if anything goes wrong, I’ll say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
According to the American psychiatrist Pete Linnett shows the way we apologize on, if we have really understood our guilt and feel remorse. They are different ways to apologize on:
The obligatory apology: We apologize that we need or should be, and to be able to move on, not because we really feel deep within us that we have done wrong.
The honest excuse: It means we are honest when we express our apologies. But despite it's main purpose still be able to let go of what has happened and move on. The excuse is neither false or dishonest, but far from sufficient for it to feel really good for the recipient.
The heartfelt apology meant (heartfelt apology) is when we look at people as we have done evil straight in the eye when we apologize and really conveys our repentance. Through this we are signaling, "I have behaved badly and I know I made you sad and disappointed and that it will take a while before you have got to trust me again."
An obligatory apology is about wanting to get someone off your back;
a sincere apology is about wanting to be let off the hook;
a heartfelt apology is about wanting to repair a relationship
But what to do if it sincerely believed the apology is not accepted? If the recipient even scold us? Yes, according Linnet should say the following:
"I'm sorry you feel as you do, but I understand your reaction. What I did to you, you did not just sad, it hurt you in the soul and urförbannad ".
Then, wait. Quite a long time. If the person did not accept the apology after six months, it's no longer about you is unforgivable, but that the other person is implacable. And it requires a different type of processing.
2017-01-25
2017-01-24
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better escape than bad fencing
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better escape than bad fencing |
Better escape than bad fencing
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-23
2017-01-20
2017-01-19
How do you build and get loyalty and trust to other people?
Hi Coach
I have a friend. As has been very difficult to trust someone else, and it creates a lot of problems for my friend.
As for exemple. My friend have been very difficult to find and get some new friends, and therefore living my friend a depressed and very lonely life.
How do you build and get loyalty and trust back to other people?
Thank you for your help in advance, and an absolutely fantastic question and answer site you have here.
Mira
Hi Mira
The putty in every relationship and lubricant in all communication is trust. When we have confidence in anyone, we take in and listen but we also open up and share. The times reliance shortcomings, we feel how we pull ourselves together and back. Both body and soul.
Trust does not come by itself. It needs to be built and run. In the beginning, the frail but if we behave in the right way it can grow so strong that it can withstand a lot of hard knocks.
Here are my top 10 tips on how to create and maintain the loyalty and trust.
1. Be present
We all want to be seen and noticed, and the showing us the respect lost our trust. Being present means that you are available and receptive to someone else in time, space and mind. Listen, feel in and open up.
2. Keep your promises
When you stand by your words you will be reliable. You become a person to be reckoned with. Suspicion and doubt when you repeatedly fail your promises. It does not matter how acceptable you think they are.
3. If you have to betray a promise to talk about it as soon as possible
Although we intend to keep a promise, life can get in the way. Factors that we can not influence could thwart our plans and calculations. If you're gonna have to break your promise let your counterpart know about it as soon as possible.
4. Say sorry when you made the wrong
We all make mistakes and treading in autoclaves. When you are concerned that confidence is restored ask you to apologize for the incident and offer to repair or compensate for the damage suffered.
5. Be honest, but not brutally frank
When you say what you mean and mean what you say you are perceived as honest and trustworthy. But if you constantly tell your truths to others without consideration and respect, you are so brutal in your sincerity that it creates distance and discomfort rather than closeness and trust.
6. Be loyal
It is said in confidence to stay between four ears. What about the personal and private should only be told by the person it affects. How harmless you may judge it. Another form of disloyalty are talking about someone rather than to the person in question. Therefore say never anything about anyone that you can not stand for when you meet on-one.
7. Take the bull by the horns
If you grab things and not ducking discomfort and conflicts win ambient confidence. Others can trust that you are a person put your own comfort aside when necessary. Daring to highlight what is doubtful, and what you think is wrong is not only courageous, but also an action that builds trust.
8. Be yourself
Being yourself requires that you know yourself so well that you do not need to hide something for yourself. When you know who you are, it becomes much easier to be the same no matter what role you hold or what stage you are at. You can choose what you want to highlight and illuminate but the core remains the same. This way you will be credible.
9. Be consistent
When you behave in the same way over and over again, you are predictable, which provides security for your environment. And when you do that you said you will be clear and consistent, because your words match your actions. Your surroundings can trust that you mean what you say.
10. Rely on the second
Trust is a palindrome. The word is the same forwards as backwards. If you want to build trust, you must also give trust. You need to let go and give responsibility. You need to begin to trust others but also that things will work out for the best. Although you can not control. That trust is not the same as to know for sure. Trusting means that you believe. Although you do not know.
I hope your friend manages to build up and get back trust and loyalty to other people again, and that's even if your friend has become considerably burnt earlier on and in different friendships.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have a friend. As has been very difficult to trust someone else, and it creates a lot of problems for my friend.
As for exemple. My friend have been very difficult to find and get some new friends, and therefore living my friend a depressed and very lonely life.
How do you build and get loyalty and trust back to other people?
Thank you for your help in advance, and an absolutely fantastic question and answer site you have here.
Mira
Hi Mira
The putty in every relationship and lubricant in all communication is trust. When we have confidence in anyone, we take in and listen but we also open up and share. The times reliance shortcomings, we feel how we pull ourselves together and back. Both body and soul.
Trust does not come by itself. It needs to be built and run. In the beginning, the frail but if we behave in the right way it can grow so strong that it can withstand a lot of hard knocks.
Here are my top 10 tips on how to create and maintain the loyalty and trust.
1. Be present
We all want to be seen and noticed, and the showing us the respect lost our trust. Being present means that you are available and receptive to someone else in time, space and mind. Listen, feel in and open up.
2. Keep your promises
When you stand by your words you will be reliable. You become a person to be reckoned with. Suspicion and doubt when you repeatedly fail your promises. It does not matter how acceptable you think they are.
3. If you have to betray a promise to talk about it as soon as possible
Although we intend to keep a promise, life can get in the way. Factors that we can not influence could thwart our plans and calculations. If you're gonna have to break your promise let your counterpart know about it as soon as possible.
4. Say sorry when you made the wrong
We all make mistakes and treading in autoclaves. When you are concerned that confidence is restored ask you to apologize for the incident and offer to repair or compensate for the damage suffered.
5. Be honest, but not brutally frank
When you say what you mean and mean what you say you are perceived as honest and trustworthy. But if you constantly tell your truths to others without consideration and respect, you are so brutal in your sincerity that it creates distance and discomfort rather than closeness and trust.
6. Be loyal
It is said in confidence to stay between four ears. What about the personal and private should only be told by the person it affects. How harmless you may judge it. Another form of disloyalty are talking about someone rather than to the person in question. Therefore say never anything about anyone that you can not stand for when you meet on-one.
7. Take the bull by the horns
If you grab things and not ducking discomfort and conflicts win ambient confidence. Others can trust that you are a person put your own comfort aside when necessary. Daring to highlight what is doubtful, and what you think is wrong is not only courageous, but also an action that builds trust.
8. Be yourself
Being yourself requires that you know yourself so well that you do not need to hide something for yourself. When you know who you are, it becomes much easier to be the same no matter what role you hold or what stage you are at. You can choose what you want to highlight and illuminate but the core remains the same. This way you will be credible.
9. Be consistent
When you behave in the same way over and over again, you are predictable, which provides security for your environment. And when you do that you said you will be clear and consistent, because your words match your actions. Your surroundings can trust that you mean what you say.
10. Rely on the second
Trust is a palindrome. The word is the same forwards as backwards. If you want to build trust, you must also give trust. You need to let go and give responsibility. You need to begin to trust others but also that things will work out for the best. Although you can not control. That trust is not the same as to know for sure. Trusting means that you believe. Although you do not know.
I hope your friend manages to build up and get back trust and loyalty to other people again, and that's even if your friend has become considerably burnt earlier on and in different friendships.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-01-18
2017-01-17
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better an honest no than a false yes
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better an honest no than a false yes |
Better an honest no than a false yes
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-16
2017-01-13
2017-01-12
Why do I lose all contact with my friends and everyone är complains about my conduct and behavior all the time?
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| Why do I lose all contact my friends and everyone complains about my conduct and behavior all the time? |
Hi Coach
I have a question for you, and hope you can help me out with an answer on my problems.
I have lost most all my friends in my life now. And when I meet new people today I can spend same time and hang around together with them. But after a short time (around 6 months) they will disappear from me and from my life also.
I don't know now why no one will spend time together with me, or will be my friend anymore.
What people say and complain about me is: That I am lazy and that i not do my part of the work in school and at work, and that I am only will do the funny things, and that I never will helping out to finish anything that I have been started up on with nobody, and that I am lying about my personal stories that I tell about my life and myself.
.
I will not change my personal behavior against anyone, or how I am as a person to be friends with no one. I give skit to that kind of persons. I will instead leave that person then changing myself to try to keep this skitty bad persons as a friends.
So the most time the relationships ends up with that I say: - I will not be your friend anymore with you.
I feel like that every person I meet will get into my personal life, and saying things to me about my private behavior that I never will tolerate. I only following my feelings all the time, and I always will say exactly what i want to say to anyone, and I always do exactly what I think is funny and is coming up on my minds in just that moment.
What is the problem with any people I meet today?
I hope you can explain and help me out with this, and how I should find and gets new friends that's like me how I am.
Best greetings
An-Mo
Hi An-Mo
Thanks for you wrote to me and ask your question.
It is always very easy to find and see all the faults that all adder people do to you.
But often people say and do things to a person. Because a person have show a behavior in a certain way against them from the beginning.
So if we start in a adder end of this.
Will you have friends that only do the funny things, and let you do all the boring things if it should gets done and finish?
Will you have friends that is lying to you about everythings, and not telling the truth about it to you?
I think you not will have this kind of personens as your friends or?
Therefore, you should look at how you act and behave towards those people that you meet today and your will have as friends?
Often you will find the answer if you try searcheth yourself first, and if you look at how you actually behave rather than them. Had you been happy and content to be treated as you treat others? And as you now are acting against the people you meet, and who might become your new friends in the future.
You write that you never want to and intend to change you as a person, and your conduct and behavior. If we look closely at this.
- If you always continue to do what you have always done so far. What has become the resulted? You have lost and have no friends today.
If you change your behavior and how you behave against the people. Do you think then that it is most likely that it may be a different result? And how other people will respond to you then? Most likely is the correct answer YES on this question.
Therefore, you should first consider whether you want to have any friends at all, or not?
And then if you decide that you want to have friends. You should start thinking about how to change yourself, and how you behave and should change your behavior, so they wants have you as good friend in the future.
And if you want back your old friends. Do you really need to apologize from your innermost of your heart, and show that you really feel ashamed before them, and for that you have been such a real asshole to them yet
Then you have to show by how you behave and through Your actions that you really have changed, and this is by making sure to take care of them and help them with everything they want from you.
So maybe you can get them back to friends again, and if you are lucky enough that they forgive you for what you have done against them when you quit munity familiar with them.
But this choice is completely free and there is only up to you to do it. But no matter which you choose you do, it will have consequences for you and your future life, and in any case for you.
I wish you all good luck with your choice, and this no matter whatever you choose to do, and this is because it is only you who has to live with your choices, and no one else.
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
2017-01-11
2017-01-10
Wisdom words and quotes of: Better alone than in bad company
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| Wisdom words and quotes of: Better alone than in bad company |
Better alone than in bad company
By author / writer Mr Chris Savage
2017-01-09
2017-01-08
Favorite by Author / Writer: Mental Health, Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage
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| If you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching |
If you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching
by mrchrissavageIf you do not change you for the better. Will you freeze in the past like this. Quotes of Mr. Chris Savage Life Coaching— Mr Chris Savage (@mrchrissavage) January 5, 2017
via Twitter of Author / Writer: Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage
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