Hello to you, I have a question for you coach!
I have nearly nine years of a very bad relationship with my mother. When I was growing up and up until I graduated, we were very close and could talk about everything. But then I started seeing a guy that she did not like the hell has broken out. She fought and screamed at me every time we met that I had to leave him or never talk to my family. The rest of the family had no problem with him and meet him anyway.
She spread rumors about me and my boyfriend
I loved my boyfriend very much and really thought she was wrong about him. She changed and had opinions about everything and everyone, spread rumors about me and my boyfriend on the town and she was impossible to talk to. This led to my mom and dad divorced. My boyfriend and I were together for several years and is still very close friends. The problem is that this remains so deep, I still dare hardly call her, shooting at it for weeks and are so stressed when the time comes. She still says the same things about my ex-boyfriend and my life in general. Everything I do is wrong, every move I make is wrong and I ask for advice, she should definitely first explain why I have been so wrong before she tells us what to do in her way.
So here it well actually always been since I was little, I've never been able to get any praise or constructive criticism. For example, when I was little and had drawn something I was very proud of could the first thing she said to be "one eye is smaller than the other," or "you must learn to do it on this way, She has never said anything positive. Which got me to stop asking her for her advice or demonstrate something I'm proud of. She has such high demands on me, I'll be together with Sweden / the world's richest men, just stay in the finest neighborhoods. And she always mentions "it makes my friends' daughters."
She can not understand that I do not have such demands on my life, I have worked for me and get money so I can do what i have to do and have a ordinary middle-class life, and she can not understand it! She herself has been working parents and ordinary middel-class. The same applies to my brother and she has said several times that she was ashamed to have us as children. I do not know where I should go, I just want to live my life my way, but it takes so much effort to always try to see the good in her eyes .. What should I do? Take a break from her? Discuss can i not becourse it is so perplexed.
Thanks for you advice in advance.
Josefin
Hi Josefin
You live in an impossibility if you'll try to make your mom to please. You describe how, ever since you were little, was quite impossible to be like your mother wanted you to be. She has needed and needs your child something to show, and she will get its worth by. As for your success or lack of success says something about herself. Is it good for you, according to her values, it means for her that she is also successful in the way that believes that a successful person. Is it in her eyes bad for you, she feels bad and lets his disappointment out on you and your brother.
She has high expectations of you / you'll make her life good so she can feel like "someone". When you do not do what she wants, she can not feel successful. Her expectations then transform and become disappointing that expresses itself in anger, disparaging behavior, ridicule and reducing of everything you do and are. You can not ever make your mother happy. It is only she who can create their luck - everything else is borrowed feathers. All you can do to live your life. Not more. Your mother tries to get hold of your and your brother's life too, so that she has access to more and more opportunities to make it as she wants. She has not even succeeded create the life she wanted, so she tries to get it through your children.
Once you see through this as I describe it is obvious that you need a remote for your mother. You need space and time to create you your life according to your values in peace and without your mother's transparency and thus disparaging criticism. You have tried to talk to your mother but it has not been possible to reach her. It can be very painful to realize that a parent does not have the capacity to be just a parent and be safe, loving and stable for a child. It is not uncommon throughout the life of the child's desire for a good mother / father instead of the non-functioning parant in reality had. I think you have to give up the little girl's beliefs and yearning for a kind and good mother. She will not be, but you can best take care of the little girl in you, and who were once was small in reality and that was sad and disappointed your mother.
Giving you the opportunity to take a break from your mother. You can in a short letter explaining that you do not want to have contact in a while you need to walk to her. Further, you do not say. Spare yourself from attack and let you get peace and quiet to build up your life far away from the mother's values and reviews.
Good luck to you and your new life Josefin
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
I have nearly nine years of a very bad relationship with my mother. When I was growing up and up until I graduated, we were very close and could talk about everything. But then I started seeing a guy that she did not like the hell has broken out. She fought and screamed at me every time we met that I had to leave him or never talk to my family. The rest of the family had no problem with him and meet him anyway.
She spread rumors about me and my boyfriend
I loved my boyfriend very much and really thought she was wrong about him. She changed and had opinions about everything and everyone, spread rumors about me and my boyfriend on the town and she was impossible to talk to. This led to my mom and dad divorced. My boyfriend and I were together for several years and is still very close friends. The problem is that this remains so deep, I still dare hardly call her, shooting at it for weeks and are so stressed when the time comes. She still says the same things about my ex-boyfriend and my life in general. Everything I do is wrong, every move I make is wrong and I ask for advice, she should definitely first explain why I have been so wrong before she tells us what to do in her way.
So here it well actually always been since I was little, I've never been able to get any praise or constructive criticism. For example, when I was little and had drawn something I was very proud of could the first thing she said to be "one eye is smaller than the other," or "you must learn to do it on this way, She has never said anything positive. Which got me to stop asking her for her advice or demonstrate something I'm proud of. She has such high demands on me, I'll be together with Sweden / the world's richest men, just stay in the finest neighborhoods. And she always mentions "it makes my friends' daughters."
She can not understand that I do not have such demands on my life, I have worked for me and get money so I can do what i have to do and have a ordinary middle-class life, and she can not understand it! She herself has been working parents and ordinary middel-class. The same applies to my brother and she has said several times that she was ashamed to have us as children. I do not know where I should go, I just want to live my life my way, but it takes so much effort to always try to see the good in her eyes .. What should I do? Take a break from her? Discuss can i not becourse it is so perplexed.
Thanks for you advice in advance.
Josefin
Hi Josefin
You live in an impossibility if you'll try to make your mom to please. You describe how, ever since you were little, was quite impossible to be like your mother wanted you to be. She has needed and needs your child something to show, and she will get its worth by. As for your success or lack of success says something about herself. Is it good for you, according to her values, it means for her that she is also successful in the way that believes that a successful person. Is it in her eyes bad for you, she feels bad and lets his disappointment out on you and your brother.
She has high expectations of you / you'll make her life good so she can feel like "someone". When you do not do what she wants, she can not feel successful. Her expectations then transform and become disappointing that expresses itself in anger, disparaging behavior, ridicule and reducing of everything you do and are. You can not ever make your mother happy. It is only she who can create their luck - everything else is borrowed feathers. All you can do to live your life. Not more. Your mother tries to get hold of your and your brother's life too, so that she has access to more and more opportunities to make it as she wants. She has not even succeeded create the life she wanted, so she tries to get it through your children.
Once you see through this as I describe it is obvious that you need a remote for your mother. You need space and time to create you your life according to your values in peace and without your mother's transparency and thus disparaging criticism. You have tried to talk to your mother but it has not been possible to reach her. It can be very painful to realize that a parent does not have the capacity to be just a parent and be safe, loving and stable for a child. It is not uncommon throughout the life of the child's desire for a good mother / father instead of the non-functioning parant in reality had. I think you have to give up the little girl's beliefs and yearning for a kind and good mother. She will not be, but you can best take care of the little girl in you, and who were once was small in reality and that was sad and disappointed your mother.
Giving you the opportunity to take a break from your mother. You can in a short letter explaining that you do not want to have contact in a while you need to walk to her. Further, you do not say. Spare yourself from attack and let you get peace and quiet to build up your life far away from the mother's values and reviews.
Good luck to you and your new life Josefin
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
No comments:
Post a Comment