Hi coach
We had thought about moving up a day when the youngest children is approaching to fly, but I see now that dream is about to be dashed for good.
My partner has received much help from social service while his daughter itself is very inveighs even suspicious of all forms of assistance and support. In addition to having lost their mother, we suspect that she has a neuropsychiatric disabilities. I'm bitter that my partner and his ex did not start an investigation before it started going bad since the early sensed that it was not right.
Since her daughter is now a teenager and do not want myself, so there's not much the community can do more to support my partner.
So last summer, when it calmed down a little bit with her daughter. So we tried to get a week's vacation with the youngest. Partners daughter and her boyfriend had to take care of themselves and had to choose accommodation first. It was not good anyway. She stole things and screaming whore and pussy for me and the girls when she got mad at me.
We let much of it caused. But I became more and more protective. Social Services and my partner have been trying to sort out the matter with her, but it is not. She erupts and then renounce my partner.
I find it very difficult to meet her after these events. At the same time, I must in this situation prioritize my own daughter. Any excuse does not seem possible.
I find it difficult both to understand and accept that my partner's daughter hurt people who just want her well. I will not go further in this deep disappointment, even though I was an adult know that it is really sorry for her, that her world is chaotic, that she had been betrayed by someone she should be able to rely on and that she was not feeling well.
And she probably has a disability that makes her really do not understand how she offends other people.
But it is difficult for me and my partner says that her daughter should be considered as a small child who can not be held responsible for their actions, and that this is her problem. I ask him why my partner does not enter as a full parent of a small child, and apologize for, and puts right any chaotic situations she creates and the people she hurt or harm? Why is he not her guardian angel, Samaritan and the go-between?
I feel aggrieved that many years of friendly and Booyah contact and helpful from my and my daughter's not worth anything. The long bond and relationship is irrelevant.
I am very frustrated that we can not all sit down with professional help and try the snail steps to resolve this, so that I can stay in the same room with her without feeling uncomfortable.
This bothered us on every time I bring up the issue. He was silent and think that I dwell on, and I though I know about all social contacts do not understand what his daughter can handle and not handle.
I try to imagine myself in if it was I who found myself in the situation of partners. It must be terrible. At the same time, I think I had solved the situation is different to try to prevent that it goes so far.
It takes me to see his resignation and get the answer from him that "it is as it is" and "we'll see." To my solutions are naive and his daughter's mood and behavior is at a level that I can not grasp the my intellect.
Yes, you will understand what this is soup. All these strains will allow our love relationship, unfortunately, is about to fall apart even though we enjoy each other's company.
How should I do to not "rehashing" this problem may never be less? Should I give this up once and for all? Should I notify us to partner therapy despite his periods are busy with school and social services?
I look forward to all of your very wise advice regarding this!
My
Hello My
Thank you for your detailed email that well describes the situation you are in. It is painful and difficult situations you describe. Complicated circumstances that are around you, the partner and the kids do that you need to be clear-sightedness and not to be drawn into codependency where they lose themselves and their own needs.
Your partner's way of functioning is highly dysfunctional. It is of course impossible to know or maybe even speculate as to why his kids have it so hard to find a working life, but probably plays your partner's way of functioning as a father big role. To the mother, nor is a working parent do, of course, everything is much more difficult, too.
You now need to step straight out what is happening and take care of you and your family. You should never expose yourself and your family for what happened in the cottage. It does not matter how it was and what causes what you describe - Do you not recognize the risk.
It is important that you set limits for your family. Your partner can not limit-setting for fear of conflict, you write. Then do what you yourself believe in - namely set limits for you. It's enough. You can not do more. There is absolutely nothing you can do more than anything you have already done. The willingness has to come from your partner.
He will not alter until he experiences a deep motivation for it, and so has not yet taken place despite your relationship which he can reasonably afraid of.
However, it sounds like he is incapable, weak or can protect your relationship if it means he has to set limits for their children.
My advice to you is very clear: Get out medberoendet and do it now. Drop thoughts on partner therapy. What you can do is possibly going to therapy yourself and be free from medberoendet to the partner and his family.
Maybe it's time to make a break in the relationship with your partner and see how it feels to avoid all these problems that are on your partner's side? A pause may need to be several months long to take effect. It would mean that both of you got perspective on the situation and got the feel for how you actually feel for each other.
I would recommend that you read a book about the phenomenon of codependency.
Any luck on the way to your freedom from codependency!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
We had thought about moving up a day when the youngest children is approaching to fly, but I see now that dream is about to be dashed for good.
My partner has received much help from social service while his daughter itself is very inveighs even suspicious of all forms of assistance and support. In addition to having lost their mother, we suspect that she has a neuropsychiatric disabilities. I'm bitter that my partner and his ex did not start an investigation before it started going bad since the early sensed that it was not right.
Since her daughter is now a teenager and do not want myself, so there's not much the community can do more to support my partner.
So last summer, when it calmed down a little bit with her daughter. So we tried to get a week's vacation with the youngest. Partners daughter and her boyfriend had to take care of themselves and had to choose accommodation first. It was not good anyway. She stole things and screaming whore and pussy for me and the girls when she got mad at me.
We let much of it caused. But I became more and more protective. Social Services and my partner have been trying to sort out the matter with her, but it is not. She erupts and then renounce my partner.
I find it very difficult to meet her after these events. At the same time, I must in this situation prioritize my own daughter. Any excuse does not seem possible.
I find it difficult both to understand and accept that my partner's daughter hurt people who just want her well. I will not go further in this deep disappointment, even though I was an adult know that it is really sorry for her, that her world is chaotic, that she had been betrayed by someone she should be able to rely on and that she was not feeling well.
And she probably has a disability that makes her really do not understand how she offends other people.
But it is difficult for me and my partner says that her daughter should be considered as a small child who can not be held responsible for their actions, and that this is her problem. I ask him why my partner does not enter as a full parent of a small child, and apologize for, and puts right any chaotic situations she creates and the people she hurt or harm? Why is he not her guardian angel, Samaritan and the go-between?
I feel aggrieved that many years of friendly and Booyah contact and helpful from my and my daughter's not worth anything. The long bond and relationship is irrelevant.
I am very frustrated that we can not all sit down with professional help and try the snail steps to resolve this, so that I can stay in the same room with her without feeling uncomfortable.
This bothered us on every time I bring up the issue. He was silent and think that I dwell on, and I though I know about all social contacts do not understand what his daughter can handle and not handle.
I try to imagine myself in if it was I who found myself in the situation of partners. It must be terrible. At the same time, I think I had solved the situation is different to try to prevent that it goes so far.
It takes me to see his resignation and get the answer from him that "it is as it is" and "we'll see." To my solutions are naive and his daughter's mood and behavior is at a level that I can not grasp the my intellect.
Yes, you will understand what this is soup. All these strains will allow our love relationship, unfortunately, is about to fall apart even though we enjoy each other's company.
How should I do to not "rehashing" this problem may never be less? Should I give this up once and for all? Should I notify us to partner therapy despite his periods are busy with school and social services?
I look forward to all of your very wise advice regarding this!
My
Hello My
Thank you for your detailed email that well describes the situation you are in. It is painful and difficult situations you describe. Complicated circumstances that are around you, the partner and the kids do that you need to be clear-sightedness and not to be drawn into codependency where they lose themselves and their own needs.
Your partner's way of functioning is highly dysfunctional. It is of course impossible to know or maybe even speculate as to why his kids have it so hard to find a working life, but probably plays your partner's way of functioning as a father big role. To the mother, nor is a working parent do, of course, everything is much more difficult, too.
You now need to step straight out what is happening and take care of you and your family. You should never expose yourself and your family for what happened in the cottage. It does not matter how it was and what causes what you describe - Do you not recognize the risk.
It is important that you set limits for your family. Your partner can not limit-setting for fear of conflict, you write. Then do what you yourself believe in - namely set limits for you. It's enough. You can not do more. There is absolutely nothing you can do more than anything you have already done. The willingness has to come from your partner.
He will not alter until he experiences a deep motivation for it, and so has not yet taken place despite your relationship which he can reasonably afraid of.
However, it sounds like he is incapable, weak or can protect your relationship if it means he has to set limits for their children.
My advice to you is very clear: Get out medberoendet and do it now. Drop thoughts on partner therapy. What you can do is possibly going to therapy yourself and be free from medberoendet to the partner and his family.
Maybe it's time to make a break in the relationship with your partner and see how it feels to avoid all these problems that are on your partner's side? A pause may need to be several months long to take effect. It would mean that both of you got perspective on the situation and got the feel for how you actually feel for each other.
I would recommend that you read a book about the phenomenon of codependency.
Any luck on the way to your freedom from codependency!
You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can also follow me the Mr Chris Savage as Mental Health Life Coach Therapist and Artist, Author, Photographer, Writer on my various social media channels here.
