Hi psychologist

 I met a new girl a while ago.

 When we met, she said she had just broken up with her former guy, and she had big problems with moving away from him find a new place to live.

 It went very quickly and we were together, and only after a few weeks we were as a couple.

 Since she lived with various friends all the time and on their couches. We decided that it was better that she moved in with me in my apartment.

 In the beginning she was very kind and caring towards me when we moved in together. She took care of me when I came home after work, and also everything else that was needed at home.

 When we met, she said she was unemployed. This is due to her boss, on her previous job had always kept on flirting and paw sexually on her. That was why she resigned, according to her.

 She even told me that she was a member and leader of an occult group, and who met and worked with fortune telling, etc. And that she would soon get a new fine job according to predictions.Whoever you gets manipulated is not easy to discover, and at least not until it has already lasted a long while to you. 

 Now, after almost a year.

 Does she still have not looked for or found and acquired a new job. Therefore I have to pay for everything as rent and food, etc. for both of us.

 Plus, she does not do none of the housework in the apartment anymore. This will I do when I get home after work now.

 When I ask her if I can come along and meet the others in the occult group. Then she avoids answering the question, or so she says that it does not fit right now that I see them.

 I have never met any of her other friends still, and she claims she has. There are and there are always some excuse why I can not go with her and meet them.

 I invited her to my friends, and in the beginning she went with me to meet my friends.

 But now she does not want to come with me anymore and meet my friends. When I go and see my friends, she gets angry and mad at me for a whole week afterwards.

 This means that I now do not want to see my friends anymore. Since I can not be bothered with that she is sour and angry for a whole week because I have met my friends.

 And when she can not get their way, and exactly what she wants. She becomes completely silent and freeze me out, or just go her way out without saying anything about where she's going to go and do.

 How do I know if she try to be manipulated and tricked me, and will scammed and swindle me, or not? 

 I am very grateful if you as a mental coach and professional psychologist can help me with an answer to what this is, and what it is about.

 Kindest regards

 Tom
Hi Tom

 Hakan Jarva is a psychologist with expertise in influence and manipulation. But before he schooled about psychology and himself. He was a member of the Church of Scientology for 14 years.

 - That's what led me to an interest in the subject, and what it is that can get us to do so quirky things. If someone had said it before I agreed that I would do what I did, I just laughed, he says.

 In cases were Håkans manipulation gradually, as in most cases. He was happy and curious when he joined, and to join a sect is in most cases less on personality traits, and more about the lack of strong social networks.

 But manipulation is not isolated to major groups and sects, it is done daily in relationships, often without the victim is aware of what is happening.

 Poor partner relationships have the same type of dynamics that a dysfunctional group. Manipulation is gradual and a relationship can work more or less bad. But it's the same kind of power structure, it is about a person who is hard to have a mutual relationship with others.

 Someone who manipulates others, especially cult leader, is often narcissistic psychopaths, people with personality disorders such as paranoia. And in a relationship in which someone manipulates the other party resembles more a dictatorship than a mutual relationship.

 It's not about love, it's about power. They want power over the other person in a totalitarian relationship.

 Are there any warning signs?

 This can affect virtually anybody. When you fall in love one becomes blind, so it's impossible to know. People who are skilled at manipulating are good at getting other people to trust them. They can trick that allows you to quickly think of them as you notice nothing at first, there are no hallmarks.

 However, it can be a warning sign that a relationship goes too fast, and that one person begins to suggest or require that the other should change in any way.

 Being scammed is more about context and bad luck. People who are good at deceiving and manipulating sneaks up in the same shape as normal, and it is only when you have been scammed once as you begin to develop a sixth sense for it. You become allergic to when others try to control one.

 Signs that you are manipulated

 Often occurs manipulation gradually and can therefore be difficult to detect. But there may still be some warning bells for someone trying to use you.

 • If a relationship is going very fast forward, and your partner quickly begins to suggest or require you to change you or do things for him / her.

 • So-called gold diggers are often interested in your finances, and ask sooner or later if economic services.

 • Love is blind, and makes you blind. Do you do things that you really do not want to, just for your partner's sake? It can be a character. 

 • If you miss the security of strong social networks? It can make you more prone to anyone who wants to manipulate you.

 You can ask and send in your questions to me here! And You can follow me the Author and Writer about Mental Health and Life Coach Therapist Mr Chris Savage on my various social media channels here.