We want and how can we best help a friend as we are about to lose, in and because of its extremely large over weight, and obsession problem?

Our friend has in recent years gained a lot of weight.

She has at times tried to lose weight and then occasionally become as manic, and lost a few kilos and then move everything up and more up again. Now it has become even worse. Only the last six months she has gone up another 25 kilos and now weighs about 120 kg and is 167cm tall.

We are two friends who have seen this for a long time. We tried to support and cheer her by taking her on training, or giving her tips on healthy eating options. Sometimes she takes it to himself, but there will be no long-term change.

We notice that she had been very different as a person, she was always happy and energetic earlier. Now she does not have the energy to keep up with us anymore. Previously, she loved to swim. But now she avoids those occasions when she is ashamed of her body. She says she is aware that she weighs too much, and yet she prioritizes everything else before, and as various hobbies (like singing in the choir, members of various associations, etc.).

We feel that we want to sit down with her and talk properly. And tell her that we are worried about her and we want her to understand that she must change her behavior. But we do not know about it only exacerbates the situation or how to proceed.

Please help us, we do not want to lose our friend!

Oliva and Sophia


Hi Oliva and Sophia

It's nice that you care about your friend, but your focus on her overweight is unfortunately a misguided benevolence. I dare say that almost all people who are overweight are also aware that this is the case. And when it comes to your friend, we can be absolutely certain that it is so, because she repeatedly tried to lose weight. In other words, there is no need for you to even talk to her friend about her weight or health. She knows how it is and does not need to be reminded of it.

Probably it is rather in the way that she thinks too much of his body and his weight. Strong overweight / obesity is actually a social stigma in our society, which means that one can be discriminated against in the labor market and poor treatment in health care.

Condescending comments from acquaintances and strangers can be folded behind the back or thrown straight in the face. Critical eyes can view the body from top to bottom, and even view what you have on your plate or in the cart. The level of awareness should therefore be high and many feel both physically and mentally ill. Despite this, there are few who manage to implement permanent lifestyle changes.

Why is it so difficult to lose weight and even more difficult to maintain the lower weight? Yes, it is in any case rarely complete ignorance. There have been many column inches, and there are constant discussions in the media about what is healthy when it comes to food and exercise. The probability is high that the vast majority have been reasonably good track of the lifestyle changes that would need to be done to improve their own health. There is no simple answer to why it is so difficult to move from theory to practice and implement the necessary changes, but there are several factors that can form explanations and that can interact; genes, biology, psychology, and environmental factors.

While there are plenty of signals that convey that being overweight is something negative, so we are constantly surrounded by a variety of enticements. At the same headline crowded dieting tips with promises of good cake and recipes. In the grocery store exposed soft drinks and sweets which we can not miss all the extra offer to buy large packs or multipacks to sensationally good price. Then there is the smell of freshly baked buns seductively winds into our noses in more and more stores. To "bake" in the store is a successful marketing ploy.

Food can be a pure pleasure. Eating can also be calming and provide comfort. For now, that is. In a later stage, that extra portion or the last piece of chocolate we took trigger anxiety and bad conscience. On the whole, food and eating associated with much emotion, and it easily becomes negative spirals of anxiety and comfort eating.

Bad mood can be a contributing factor to obesity and vice versa. Being overweight can also lead to the renunciation of activities and isolate themselves socially. Therefore, I will be happy to read that your friend gives priority to participate in club activities, instead of sitting at home and count calories.

Now for your concern for your friend and what you can do for her. Since there is no miracle cure with research support that you can refer her to, so I think that the best thing you can do is focus on being good friends and completely ignore her weight and eating habits. Suggest activities and select topics completely independent of how much she eats or considering. Otherwise you convey directly or indirectly, that she did not do as she is.

Could it be that you are being asked to help by, for example, avoid exposing your friend to temptation, you shall of course do so. If not, drop the worry and enjoy your friendship.

Best regards to all of your friends.

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